Monday, March 16, 2015

I Which I Find Myself Using the Term, "Suppository-Shaped Helmet"

Found some old Nickel Comics on ComicBookPlus.com, so let's take a looksee at Bulletman's first appearance, shall we?  It turns out Jim Barr's dad was an honest cop who was killed by the mob. On his deathbed, Jim's dad made Jim promise to be in law enforcement.  This, of course, is terrible parenting but I guess it wouldn't have been much of a comic if Jim Barr had pursued dentistry.

Anyway, I guess the mob killed a lot of honest cops, because the city went straight to poop:


Hmmm... I don't know that a "new Robin Hood" would be much help against a serial killer.  Robin Hood was a freedom fighter.  Unless the killer is an oppressive Norman lord, I don't think a Robin Hood would do much good.  They probably need a new... I don't know, pick your favorite badass lawman and go with that.  I choose Kurt Russell's Wyatt Earp from Tombstone.

Anyway, Jim decides that being a police scientist isn't getting the job done, so he becomes a patrolman and initiates a crime prevention program in impoverished communities.

  HA!  Of course he didn't.  He decides to come up with a formula that gives him superpowers and...  well...


A costume that will strike fear to evil-doers that looks like this:


Although I have to admit that if I saw this guy zooming towards me at Mach IV with that suppository-shaped helmet, my sphincter might get little puckered until I fully understood his intentions.  But to me, Bulletman just calls this to mind:


I know... now you'll see it every time.  Welcome to my nightmare.

Moving on to Warlock the Wizard:


It seems a little redundant to call yourself "Warlock the Wizard."  That's like calling yourself "Policeman the Law-Enforcement Officer" or "Lawyer, Attorney at Law."  It screams of insecurity that you'd name yourself after your trade.  Then again, maybe he was born with the name, "Warlock," and felt obliged to pursue magic because... well, I don't know that you'd advance very far in the health care industry with a name like that.

Enough of that.  Time for some Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!)


Well, the ladies do love a man with a golden hand.

And here's the first comic book appearance (as far as I know) of...


Thor's hammer!


Yeah!  And, might I add... don't cross Warlock the Wizard.  He'll go upside your head with Thor's Freakin' Hammer!

See you tomorrow!

3 comments:

gummboote said...

Actually that's an early example of Thor's hammer being drawn with the head too big and the handle too short. It should look like a sledgehammer, not a mallet.

Adam Barnett said...

Very valid point... if they'd gone with the right proportions of Thor's hammer, it would look like the modern Starman/Stargirl's version of the cosmic rod... which is a very cool look.

Cfl Maior said...

Those who could want to know the true proportions of Thor's hammer may peruse this painting by Marten Winge (1825-1896), a Swedish artist specialized in depicting Norse mythology:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/c5/M%C3%A5rten_Eskil_Winge_-_Tor%27s_Fight_with_the_Giants_-_Google_Art_Project.jpg
When a 10th-century amulet representing Thor's hammer was unearthed in Denmark last year, I also was surprised with the shortness of the handle in proportion to its head.