As we've seen the last couple of days, Bob Haney wrote stories almost as if he wanted to be sure he would end up in blogs like this one, but he didn't invent weirdness. Oh, no. I give you.... Batman Jones:
On a Bat-Moped of some sorts, no less!
It wasn't really Batman Jones's fault he was such a dork. When your parents name you "Batman Jones," there are really only so many career opportunities:
Don't sign a Paternity Acknowledgement, Bruce! Demand a DNA test! It's your right!
But I suppose Batman Jones's parents made up for their initial cruelty by being the most indulgent parents ever:
Mind you, if I left an action figure on the floor of my own bedroom, my parents would threaten to destroy it. This kid? He gets his own Bat-Signal and moped. Yeah, life is fair.
And he lives in a town where there are giant, fully-functional power tools:
You can't choose your parents, Adam, you can't choose your parents....
You might as well move on. I'm going to be bitter all weekend.
Posts
10 comments:
Look at that spiky bat on the crib. The kid will be blind and horribly scarred within a couple of days. Guess that's the origin of a bat-villain of the future.
Not quite sure what qualifies that bicycle as a moped - but I am pretty sure that that giant buffer IS capable of doing some hurt. Looks like tose nefarious nogoodniks will be spending some time in the prison infirmary, possibly as quadriplegics.
Did that giant buffer come from Batman's Giant Utility Belt?
And here I thought that silly celebrity parents naming their kids after weird stuff was a modern phenomenon.
LMAO, Batman Jones. I saw this cover before, but never knew the story until now.
Is Jones his middle name or last name? Did his parents actually name him, "Batman Jones Lastname?" If so, that makes it a lot funnier. (Not that it isn't already.)
And bat coop? Sigh. This is one reason why you're not married, Bruce. It has nothing to do with that "I'll devote my whole life to fighting crime attitude."
Perhaps it was what they called cribs back in the day, but I find the concept of using the word "coop" to describe something you put your child into very... unsettling.
And talk about your parental pressure: "Oh no son, just because we named you after a superhero doesn't mean we expect you to live up to your amazing namesake in any way." Farbeit from me to disagree with you, Adam, but I don't see indulgent parents here. No, I see freakishly obsessed ones. I think his folks made him wear the costume. Probably to sleep, too. *shiver*
I must say Mrs. Jones was quite an inventor. She somehow managed to come up with a Bat-signal that works in broad daylight when projected at nothing.
Dave beat me to it on the daylight bat-signal. But wouldn't coop work better if the kid was named after Robin?
Y'know, Superman may be a dick, but at least he convinced Robert S. Ng's mother not to go with the first name!
E. Bernhard Warg
Post a Comment