Monday, January 4, 2016

In Which Superman Uses His Super-Butt to Save Ours

And we're back!  Let's kick 2016 off right with a look at Superman #274:

I remember seeing this cover in a house ad somewhere and it certainly caught my eye.  But (SPOILER ALERT!) after reading the story, I'm not sure what Superman expected me to do about any of this.

So, these are our bad guys:

and the "super-secret weapons from all over the world" all coincidentally had sports themes.

I'm not kidding.

Football guys:

Tennis guys:

Baseball guys:

Basketball guys:

I presume they're throwing everything they have against Superman, and I don't see one weapon that doesn't appear to have been stolen from a Dick's Sporting Goods warehouse in Duluth.  Maybe they're figuring Supes would be doubled over with laughter and might faint or something.


Okay, I'll admit that's a problem.

Here's the solution:

Yes, Superman is blocking the wormhole that threatens all of existence with his butt.


Then they oversell it:

If I were there, I'm not saying I would discount the relief I'd feel if he saved the planet and all that.  But I don't think I'd be inclined to kneel or "cry in his presence."  That would just be a bit much.  I might, out of sheer gratitude, resist the urge to ask him if it tickled his bum... like in a really good way.  You know what I mean?  I think holstering my snark is a dang good gesture on my part, considering how rarely I'm able to do it.

In any event, if there's a lot of suction going on and Superman expects me to block it with my bum, well... I'm not saying yes, but I'm sure not saying no.  Just being candid, folks.

See you tomorrow!


D.B. Echo said...

They all seem to be staring at his super-butt. Perhaps the suction tore the bottom off his super-tights.

Cflmaior said...

Adam: certainly you would say a flat NO, if you saw what super-suction could do to a rosebud (no allusion to Citizen Kane here).

Erich said...

I just had a flashback to Chuck Palahniuk's short story "Guts"...and I've never even read the actual story, but just reading ABOUT it made me queasy.

Wayne Allen Sallee said...

I think you need a new meme: Wayne reads the text wrong again! tm. I first read it you, Adam, would have tickled his bum.

I did like how Superman started saying bunkies about five years after Spider-Man was doing it.