Light a Match!

Taking a look at America's Best Comics #5. I referenced before how odd it is that Pyroman's powers don't have anything to do with fire, and it appears that the writers, on at least some level, agreed with me.

See?  It's like they're saying, "It's too late to turn back now, but we'll have him fight a fire guy."

That was a product of the evil Dr. Fosfer, not to be confused with DC's Dr. Phosphorous, the Golden Age Starman villain (who... SPOILER ALERT!... eventually killed the Golden Age Starman).  Dr. Fosfer figured out a way to animate fire things... which you kind of feel obliged to do if your name is "Fosfer." 

FRANZ!  No more Taco Bell for you before these meetings!

Check out this little known fact about the Black Terror:

See?  If you hit him hard enough, it will apparently knock out both the Terror and his sidekick, Tim.  I don't know if they had some sort of "Corsican Brothers" relationship or what, but the evidence is clear.

Hey!  Let's finish with some Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!)

That's what HE said!

Thank you, thank you!

See you tomorrow!

A Few Roos Loose in the Top Paddock, He Is!

Here's a little "Man of Steel" (hi, Googlers!) fun from Adventure Comics #293, courtesy of contributor Robert Gillis!

I don't know why we act like time travel is so dang unlikely.  Clearly, we just have to follow the convenient calendar pages! The Time Barrier is easier to navigate than an interstate!

From Adventure #301, we have confirmed that Superman blows.  And that he also has a skewed perspective on what's important:

Yeah, if he's moving the Earth around, I'm a bit more concerned about earthquakes and tidal waves.  The last thing I'm worried about is the accuracy of my Goats in Trees calendar.

You think I made that one up, don't you?

Exhibit "A":

Meanwhile, from Amazing Spider-Man #384:  

Oh, no!  Please don't say the word...

Blarg.  Cue the Origin Montage! (tm!)

We GET It! (tm!)

I haven't posted every time we've seen the origin flashback, by the way.  I try to limit it to once every five or six sightings.

And here's something that caught my eye from Amazing #345:

First, Boomerang was born in Australia but raised the United States, so I don't know why he's getting all Crocodile Dundee there.

But more to the point:

Okay, no one working on the docks noticed the magenta pants and the bright blue boots?  I realize that New Yorkers are a pretty jaded bunch, but it seems like someone would have called him out on that.  You know, like the Seinfeld episode where Jerry had to wear cowboy boots?  Those are much worse.

Crikey!  See you tomorrow!

Oh, Tom! You Beat Up a Subordinate! You're WONDERFUL!

Annd we're back!  Let's take a look at a hilarious ad I found in the Silver Age Phantom Lady #4....

.... and no, it isn't the bra ad, although I swear there totally was one.

Well, they're kind of giving it all away in the title, but let's go along for the ride, shall we?

Actually, Tom, that was a test to see if you could stand up for yourself.  You failed.  Your're totally fired.  Get out of my office.  You sicken me.

In other words, I'm a bitch.

Look at this ad!  I SAID LOOK AT IT!

Actually, Tom, this was all a clever ruse so I could watch you do weird exercises in your underwear.  Naughty me!

And several sexual assaults perpetrated by Sam unto Tom later...

Yeah, that's my management style!  And my dating style, too!  Hope you have good dental insurance, Betty!

Anyone talks about unionizing, and they'll be getting some more of what I gave Betty last night!

Whee!  That was fun.  Thank you, Silver Age!

My Clothes! They Are Gone!!!

Guys, I had originally planned on being on staycation next week.  That isn't going to happen.  Silly gainful employment getting in the way of my good times!

Meanwhile, let's enjoy a super-sized post courtesy of Pep Comics #12, which introduced us to the evil Dr. Wang:

I just like that there was a character called "Dr. Wang."  Imagine the devices he could have.  A "wang rod," a "wang cave," a "wang belt"... the possibilities abound.

They didn't give this guy much of an origin, but it appears that he invented Facebook:

Prepare yourself for my favorite Shield moment since the introduction of Dusty:

For a "Spectacular Boy Detective," Dusty is a little slow on the uptake here.  

The story didn't end there, sadly... but in my heart, it totally did.

Meanwhile....

Strange woman approaches your airplane factory during wartime with a strange helmet on her head, and you let her right in.

Worst. Security Guard. Ever.

This issue introduced a new series called Danny in Wonderland, a story that delights me in that it appears to a very promising source of blog material, and yet...

... the whole thing starts getting kind of sexual...

wait for it... wait for it...

Don't do it, Danny!  DON'T GO OUTSIDE!

Now, I know you're thinking I doctored that panel.  I did not.

Urgh!  That was just disturbing.  Let's finish off with some Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!)

See you Monday!

The Bullets Ping Merrily Off His Body!

I'm checking out the Golden Age Green Lantern Archives.  As you can see, these were beautifully restored.  But I was kind of amused by the fact that a character who has been around for more than 70 years had such a brief origin. We had the train wreck, the history of the lamp and the ring within just 2 or 3 pages, culminating with this:

That's the first time I ever heard of a hero going for bizarre.  Most of the time, it just kind of turns out that way.  But, in retrospect, I don't think GL had that bizarre of a look:

I mean, the boots are a little funky and it appears those pants are way too tight because I'm seeing junk without wanting to see junk, but there were a lot goofier looks than this back in the day, especially when you consider WWII was going on and half the hero community dressed in some variation of the American Flag.

I never really understood his oath, either.  He just seems to be finishing a thought there:  "... And I shall shed my light over evil..."  Was he saying everything that led up to that to himself?  

Don't overthink it, Adam.

But in the first issue, they clearly hadn't established his boundaries.  Here, we see him cleaving a building:

Which, in retrospect, had to be completely devoid of any wood or that wouldn't have worked at all.

Meanwhile, he was also bulletproof:

See?  No green aura protecting him.  He's just bulletproof.  Why?  Because SHUT UP, that's why!

He's immune to all metals?  Even those already in the body?  Like iron, sodium, magnesium and calcium?  If that's the case, his teeth are going to fall right out of his head and you could probably break his arm with little more than a dirty look.

This newspaper tickled me:

If you are visited by a masked man in a bizarre costume, don't be frightened!

Really?  

So, if I wake up and see this:

I should just toss him a few bucks and go back to sleep?  Maybe they should clarify, or ... I don't know... run a picture of Green Lantern so I'll know what I'm looking for.

Enough of that!  It's time for Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!)

See you tomorrow! 

Beaver, Lipstick and Boobs... Yet Totally Safe for Work

The new X-Box is going to allow developers to put restrictions on used games?  Well, thanks for making it easy, Microsoft!  The Playstation 4, it is.... in about three or four years.  I'm so far behind on my PS3 gaming, it's almost as if I had a job and a family or something.

Anyway, from the pages of All-Flash Quarterly #29, it's time for some Fun with Out of Context Artwork! (tm!):

Got to watch your positioning when you're moving things really quickly.  Zounds!

Anyway, here's a title for an ad that caught my eye:

Having read the rest of the ad, I will tell you I was more than a little disappointed with what Swifty Seaver ended up winning.

From contributor Robert Gillis, here's an installment of Got All That? (tm!) from Superman Family #168:

I'll be honest with you... ever since I started reading comics at the tender age of 5, I would just bleep right over any balloon that had more than ten words in it.  And all that "red rays / yellow rays" stuff just made no sense to me... and yet I readily accepted that Green Lantern was ineffective against the color yellow.

And from that same ish, one of the greatest Fun with Out of Context Dialogue (tm!) entries I think we'll ever see:

As was the case with Swifty Seaver up there, you're better off just leaving it to the imagination.  Thanks again, Robert!

See you tomorrow!

Fantomah, Ghoul of the Jungle pt. 1

Never eat the Mysterious Drug Berries of the Unexplored Red Region, folks.

You see?  Now, what just say?

I don't know that I would call the headgear "terrifying."  A Questionable Fashion Choice (tm!), to be sure, but I don't know that I'm actually frightened.

Although if I were walking in a dark alley and this guy came up behind me wearing that helmet, I probably would be terrified.  It's rather dependent on context, I suppose.

Anyway, this is the kind of fun I found leafing through some awesome scans of the Fantomah back-up stories from 1940.  For those of you not hip to the jive, Fantomah generally appeared as a hot blonde who went all demonic when she got cheesed... in other words, she was like pretty much every woman you're going to meet ever:

Notice that she kept the hair when she changed, because I guarantee you she wouldn't make the change if it meant getting the hair messed up.  Hair like that takes some time.

As you might imagine, she was a lot like the Spectre and Shena's love child in her early adventures.  She was very PETA when it came to the jungle, but she could float around and be all creepy.

Although I noticed this one guy just thinks she's a nuisance:

That, my friends, is a guy with Nards of Steel (tm!).  Yeah, there's a Disembodied Floating Head telling him to see the error of his ways, and he's all Pfffffft.

Nards. Of. Steel. (tm!)

Anyway, you'd get some good weirdness in the early stories, like jungle animals fighting mummies:

Or even lions attacking parachutists... from above!

And no matter what, she always got her props in the end:

Fantomah even made an appearance in Hero Action Persons, the graphic novel written by Yours Truly and available 'rightchere. Which, sadly, has not provided me the summer home I was hoping, largely because I got Fantomah to negotiate my share of the royalties:

Yeah, thanks a load, Fantomah.

You said it, bro.

See you tomorrow!