Random Lightning Strikes Solve Everything!

I just finished reading Thunderbolts... the one where Deadpool, the Punisher, Deadpool, Ghost Rider, etc. are led by Red Hulk.  I liked it but they went to the "everyone's dead!  PSYCHE!" device too often.  Still, great read if you haven't.

So, let's check out PPTSSM #38!

It's takes place during Halloween and by a remarkable coincidence, we have Morbius the Living Vampire... which I think is a paradox, but anyway...

And then all three of them immediately updated their Match.com profiles to include "vampires" as a "turn-off."

Wow... could that have been any more of an offensive stereotype?  Seriously, do even the Irish people who still live in Ireland talk like that?

Oh, well... ACADEMIC MONTAGE!

Yeah!  Action in the Mighty Marvel Manner.

Anyway, one thing leads to another and:

Okay, this isn't supposed to be the same lady Morbius got earlier... but it sure looks like her!

Fight scene!:

Hmmm... I appreciate the officer's restraint, but I would think shooting at a suspect flying above everyone else would be a pretty easy target.  But I'm not trained in law enforcement, so don't pay any attention to me.

Then, we have the solution to everything:

Yup!  He's cured!  Because SCIENCE! (tm!)

This series is really worse than I remember.  I'm only reading it for you, my lovelies!  See you soon!

In Which I Should Have Enjoyed this Story More Because it Featured THE SWARM!

Behold the glory that is PPTSSM #36!

That's right!  THE SWARM!

But first, workplace bullying!

Yes, because Steve has to stop all this "working quietly" business!

Granted, Steve didn't exactly throw a flashbang on Chip's desk, but it really grinds my gears when extroverts feel like introverts have some sort of character flaw that needs fixing.  I'm sorry Chip doesn't share your childish, insatiable need for attention, Steve.  You certainly seem like someone worth his time.

Anyway, that's pretty much all that happened in that issue, which is disappointing, because... THE SWARM!

We've got much more of THE SWARM! in the next issue.  Thusly:

And I notice early on that Spidey is surprisingly ineffective here:

Okay, first?  "Spiderness"?  Turns out it's totally a word.

Second... THE SWARM! is correct:

Yup.  Spidey got pantsed by THE SWARM!  It was blind luck that he wasn't killed on the spot.

And this is the fundamental problem with the otherwise perfect character that is THE SWARM!: You can't really defeat him.

Unless you do something really boring like mix chemicals:

WHOOOOO!  Slow down, Marvel!  My heart isn't what it used to be and can't stand all the action!  Pause and let an old man catch his breath!

But then we have this and I forgive everything:

That was pretty bitchin'.

But the big fight is... just this:

Hope that was enough Spider-Man action for you, kids!  Because that was it!  Chemicals!

And while this was going on, Captain Marvel had to give Twinkies to some guy who I'm calling, "Professor Butthurt," for obvious reasons:

Kind of an odd subplot there, but anyway... Chemicals!

Because SCIENCE! (tm!)

Okay, it wasn't great, but my expectations for this title are going down pretty quickly.  See you soon!

In Which Evil Assumes the Lotus Position!

Okay, I'm not proud that I read this, but here is PPTSSM #35:

It starts out promising, what with teases of a Disembodied Floating Head (tm!) and Spider-Man saying, "W-AAAGHH!"

But then, after much ado, we see who are foe is:

Oh, eeesh.  The Mindworm.  Nothing says "fear me" like a guy levitating in a yoga pose.  Just tip him over, Spidey.  Seriously, it'll only take one little shove.

But things pick up when the giant rats get involved:

Waitasec... is he killing those animals?

Yes, I believe he did.  It's a shame he didn't have something where he could just ensnare them.  You know... like webbing.

And then we see that the Mindworm has become Jabba the Hutt because REASONS!:

Okay, I can't take it any more.  We're not giving up on PPTSSM, but these stories are really bad considering we're talking about one of Marvel's flagship characters.  There's "so bad it's good" and then there's "just plain bad."

See you soon!

Billy Connors: Pajama-Clad Sidekick

 Checking out PPTSSM #33 and 34!

First, we get a visit from that security guard who shows up in comics who talks to himself way too much:

I mean, I'm sure it's a lonely job and all, but if there's trouble, should you really be articulating your game plan?

Seriously, this guy needs to join a bowling league or something.

Hey it's the first appearance of Marcy... something.

Hmm.... she doesn't seem too nice, yet I still prefer her to the "One Art Major who blah blah blah" that hangs out with the White Tiger.

Anyway, this is what the monster was:

Bleh.  But in for a penny, in for a pound.  Onward we go!

There isn't a thing about this creature that separates him from the Lizard, and the Lizard isn't that great a foe in his own right.  Anyway, the strategies for this boss fight are the same: Avoid the tail and jump around a lot.

Yes, Billy.  Spider-Man has his hands full with a homicidal giant reptile, and you're in your pajamas.  Spider-Man clearly needs your help.

Unfortunately, Billy would survive.

So, how to deal with a completely unoriginal villain?  Why, with a completely unoriginal solution, of course!

The power I so desperately wanted is proving to be my undoing?  Oh, cruel irony!

And now we have this:

It wouldn't hurt my feelings if we never saw either again, but heck.. death itself is rarely the end of a character in comics, so you know they'll both be back to bore me sooner or later.

See you soon!