In Which I Should Have Enjoyed this Story More Because it Featured THE SWARM!

Behold the glory that is PPTSSM #36!

That's right!  THE SWARM!

But first, workplace bullying!

Yes, because Steve has to stop all this "working quietly" business!

Granted, Steve didn't exactly throw a flashbang on Chip's desk, but it really grinds my gears when extroverts feel like introverts have some sort of character flaw that needs fixing.  I'm sorry Chip doesn't share your childish, insatiable need for attention, Steve.  You certainly seem like someone worth his time.

Anyway, that's pretty much all that happened in that issue, which is disappointing, because... THE SWARM!

We've got much more of THE SWARM! in the next issue.  Thusly:

And I notice early on that Spidey is surprisingly ineffective here:

Okay, first?  "Spiderness"?  Turns out it's totally a word.

Second... THE SWARM! is correct:

Yup.  Spidey got pantsed by THE SWARM!  It was blind luck that he wasn't killed on the spot.

And this is the fundamental problem with the otherwise perfect character that is THE SWARM!: You can't really defeat him.

Unless you do something really boring like mix chemicals:

WHOOOOO!  Slow down, Marvel!  My heart isn't what it used to be and can't stand all the action!  Pause and let an old man catch his breath!

But then we have this and I forgive everything:

That was pretty bitchin'.

But the big fight is... just this:

Hope that was enough Spider-Man action for you, kids!  Because that was it!  Chemicals!

And while this was going on, Captain Marvel had to give Twinkies to some guy who I'm calling, "Professor Butthurt," for obvious reasons:

Kind of an odd subplot there, but anyway... Chemicals!

Because SCIENCE! (tm!)

Okay, it wasn't great, but my expectations for this title are going down pretty quickly.  See you soon!

In Which Evil Assumes the Lotus Position!

Okay, I'm not proud that I read this, but here is PPTSSM #35:

It starts out promising, what with teases of a Disembodied Floating Head (tm!) and Spider-Man saying, "W-AAAGHH!"

But then, after much ado, we see who are foe is:

Oh, eeesh.  The Mindworm.  Nothing says "fear me" like a guy levitating in a yoga pose.  Just tip him over, Spidey.  Seriously, it'll only take one little shove.

But things pick up when the giant rats get involved:

Waitasec... is he killing those animals?

Yes, I believe he did.  It's a shame he didn't have something where he could just ensnare them.  You know... like webbing.

And then we see that the Mindworm has become Jabba the Hutt because REASONS!:

Okay, I can't take it any more.  We're not giving up on PPTSSM, but these stories are really bad considering we're talking about one of Marvel's flagship characters.  There's "so bad it's good" and then there's "just plain bad."

See you soon!

Billy Connors: Pajama-Clad Sidekick

 Checking out PPTSSM #33 and 34!

First, we get a visit from that security guard who shows up in comics who talks to himself way too much:

I mean, I'm sure it's a lonely job and all, but if there's trouble, should you really be articulating your game plan?

Seriously, this guy needs to join a bowling league or something.

Hey it's the first appearance of Marcy... something.

Hmm.... she doesn't seem too nice, yet I still prefer her to the "One Art Major who blah blah blah" that hangs out with the White Tiger.

Anyway, this is what the monster was:

Bleh.  But in for a penny, in for a pound.  Onward we go!

There isn't a thing about this creature that separates him from the Lizard, and the Lizard isn't that great a foe in his own right.  Anyway, the strategies for this boss fight are the same: Avoid the tail and jump around a lot.

Yes, Billy.  Spider-Man has his hands full with a homicidal giant reptile, and you're in your pajamas.  Spider-Man clearly needs your help.

Unfortunately, Billy would survive.

So, how to deal with a completely unoriginal villain?  Why, with a completely unoriginal solution, of course!

The power I so desperately wanted is proving to be my undoing?  Oh, cruel irony!

And now we have this:

It wouldn't hurt my feelings if we never saw either again, but heck.. death itself is rarely the end of a character in comics, so you know they'll both be back to bore me sooner or later.

See you soon!

Darter! You Could Have HELPED Me!

So, when we last left our hero, we were given the motive for Carrion in that... I don't know.  Clones.  Gwen Stacy's death.  Something.

Anyway, take a look at this:

Okay... just in case I wasn't clear about it before, anything organic that gets touched by Carrion decays.  Everyone with me?  Okay.  Remember that for later.

But first, it's another appearance of Darter!

I'm thinking he needs to be in the Character Hall of Fame (tm!) because he amuses me so.

Anyway, back to this:

Oh, boy.  Another clone.

ANYHOO...

Do you think this "become one with Spider-Man" might have put the idea for the alien symbiote in someone's head which gave us Venom.

I need more Darter. 

Yay!  And look!  He's ready to kick ass and chew bubble gum!

Well, so much for that uprising.  And I admit, the fact that he's getting murdered notwithstanding, it's awesomely hilarious.

Why do guns in comics and movies and such always go off when they're dropped?  Firearms don't work that way.

Anyway, remember when anything organic that touches Carrion decays?

This:

Um....  I need a great sound effect right now.

There we go!

But remember how everything organic that touches Carrion decays?

This:

Okay.  Point made.

Time for the obligatory come-uppance:

Oh, no.  I am being hoisted on my own petard!

That's from Hamlet, by the way.

So is this:

Okay, we're getting far too highbrow for me.

See you soon!