Captain Marvel: Pimp.

Very brief post today because it's been that kinda day.

Fortunately, Contributor Robert Gillis gave us this awesome bit of Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!)

Oh, my.  My, my, my, my.  We'll have to dig into some old Captain Marvel one of these days.  I've got some Master Comics with Captain Marvel, Jr.  Maybe we'll plow into those to go with our current Hulk stuff.

Thanks for saving the day, Robert!

See you tomorrow!

The Wrecker, the Leader, and a Really Scary Guy Who Says He Can Teach Me Hypnosis

Tales to Astonish #63 had the first and only appearance of the Wrecker:

Yeah, I know.  He had nothing to do with the Wrecker that would head the Wrecking Crew.  Marvel recycles their own names sometimes.

Anyhoo, we start with something that kinda bugs me:

I'm pretty sure this officer is visiting Giant-Man at Hank Pym's lab.  Sooooo, does everyone know who Giant-Man is?  If so, why do he and the Wasp bother with the masks?  If you know the answer to this one, please tell me in the comics because I'm confounded.

Now, as to the Wrecker:

Hmmmm... it's not that we all haven't wanted to zap Jan with some bug spray.  I'm just kinda surprised they went there.  Until I saw this in the letters column:

 

No kidding?  So who was the "competitor's" character that was too similar for even the Big Two to rip off one another?  I've tried to find it, but I'm having no luck.  And I GOTS TO KNOW!

Anyway, on to the Hulk story:

I'll learn the truth about Banner SOMEHOW, General!  I've heard of this great new technique called "waterboarding" I've been looking to try out!

This ish marked the first appearance of the Leader.  Sorta.  I mean, he appeared off-camera in the previous issue, so I guess a purist would say that was the first appearance.  But you just see him all covered up, so I'm on the fence as to how much that counts.  I mean, Wolverine technically first appeared in Incredible Hulk #180, but he really didn't do anything until #181 and that's the one everyone talks about, so....

Anyway, the Leader made a "humanoid" to mentally command into doing his dirty work:

Which is really similar to the Mad Thinker's "Awesome Android," who had first appeared about a year and a half earlier:

I'm not sure what the requirement is that really smart guys in the Marvel Universe have to use things like that, but being super-smart really isn't that interesting unless you can bust some heads so what else can they do?

And once again, we see the Hulk going out of his way to save people from natural disasters:

I'm not sure how long that's going to go on, but that's really contrary to the Hulk we would see in later years and I'm glad they ditched it.  If I wanted to see stuff like that, I'd read... well, pretty much every other comic book.

And Banner is in trouble again:

These military guys really can't connect the dots, can they?  The Hulk disappears and Bruce Banner inexplicably shows up in the same purple pants.

AWESOME!

And then I saw this: 

Just one evening?  How do I know you're on the level?

Well.... Touche! (tm!)

And then there was this:

Hey!  Is that Bill Cosby?

Sorry... I try to avoid topical humor, but it was too easy a shot.

See you tomorrow!

In Which Giant-Man's Powers Confuse Me and We Learn Stuff About the Hulk's Personality. And Rick Jones is Still a Schmuck.

On to Tales to Astonish #62!  This ish has me asking all kinds of questions about how Giant-Man's powers work:

And you know, I certainly thought there was more it.

Guess I was wrong:

I always thought that Pym had to treat a person with Pym Particles in order to make them subject to changing size.  If it's just a matter of the particles in the suit, why would that make all of a person's innards grow large?  I mean, just because a suit grows doesn't mean my body would grow with it.  I realize Hank is the big-shot scientist and I'm just a doofus scratching my head about things, but can someone explain this to me?

See?  How does someone who simply puts on the Giant-Man costume get all huge?  And why does it work in reverse:

Yeah, apparently you can really be Giant-Man, but I'm not sure how that's working.

But check this out: 

Take note, fellas: A woman's oath means nothing.  Way to represent, Jan!

On to the Hulk story:

I was certain we'd already seen this panel, because you can't forget how much of a jerk Rick Jones is being there.  "You still are going on about your dead partner, Cap?  Yeesh.  I've got a plane to catch!"  But I couldn't find it anywhere, so there it is.

Anyhoo, the Chameleon shows up and we learn that Banner was working on this:

This is an interesting reminder that Banner is there to develop weapons for the military.  He's not looking to figure out how to bring water to deserts or find a cure for cancer.  Making weapons was the man's job long before the Hulk came around, so we can't forget that Banner has no problem with "better dying through science." 

But the HULK has a problem with it!:

That's really rather fascinating.  The Hulk, who is the personification of rage, is more inclined to save lives than Banner is.

I know, right?

Mind. Blown.

See you tomorrow! 

High-Pockets... You're the Greatest! Would You Like to Buy a Monkey?

So, let's take a look at Tales to Astonish #61, which featured the first appearance of this thing Giant-Man and the Wasp used to get around:

This is called "The Converti-Car," which is a name every bit as sad as the vehicle itself.

Let's take a look at it from another angle:

That is just awful.  It really is.  The funny thing is, after stepping out of something that ridiculous and out-of-place....

... Hank and Jan think disguises are going to work.

Oh, and here's an ad where you can order a pet monkey in the mail: 

Less than 20 bucks?  Hmmm, you had me until you were talking "collar and leash."  If I have to use a collar and a leash on a monkey, I would find myself constantly questioning my life's choices up to this point.

Anyway, we get to the Hulk story, where we are introduced to Glen Talbot, who would be Bruce Banner's romantic rival for the nerd-chasing Betty Ross:

Glen Talbot: Not enough "o's" in smooth to describe his game.

And then there was this:

Hey, kids!  Come get your own replica of the Iron Cross!

So, we have confirmed that the Hulk getting excited indeed will turn him back to Bruce Banner.  Shouldn't that be a never-ending cycle?

Trouble has me all stressed out!  I'm changing into the Hulk!

Fighting this trouble is getting my heart racing!  I'm changing back to Banner!

Oh, crap!  I'm Bruce Banner and the Hulk accomplished nothing!  I'm changing again!

And so on and so forth.

Finally, there was this:

I would love to actually have seen a Mason shoe salesman try to sell Beloved shoes with that rig! But more to the point, the salesman seriously creeps me out.

GAAAAAAH!

See you tomorrow!

In Which Giant-Man Fights a Gorilla and the Hulk Might as Well Have Stayed Home

As promised, we're going to look at some more Silver-Age Incredible Hulk.  I didn't like the character mush as a kid, but he's grown on me quite a bit over the years.  He didn't have his own mag after the first six issues of his self-titled book, but he went halfsies with Giant-Man in Tales to Astonish, where we take a look at the Hulk's first appearance with number 60.  Got all that?

So, the issue starts with the Giant-Man story, because Marvel clearly has no clue as to who their rising star really is.

Well, the first thing about this tale that astonished me was that Giant-Man actually had a fan club.  He probably ought to treat his fans a bit better because... well, I'm not sure that's particularly fertile ground he's salting, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, he's got something that had him travel to East Germany.  I forget exactly what.  I doubt it's important. 

Well, now I'm astonished that his disguise was even remotely effective.  I mean, if you saw a guy walking around in a cowl like that, wouldn't you find that a bit out of the ordinary?  I would think large sunglasses and a hat might be a bit less conspicuous, but it's not like anyone is publishing my adventures so I'll just shut my yap.

Hey!  He's fighting a gorilla!  Awesome!

\

See that hammer and sickle on the gorilla's tights (and why does a gorilla have to wear a wrestling uniform? oh, well...)?  That way you know he's fighting a communist gorilla, which is even more awesome!

I normally wouldn't be okay with him giving the gorilla a "wham!"  Punching animals normally isn't cool, but I think in this story gorillas were given intelligence, so if they read The Communist Manifesto and decided this was the way to go, well... decisions have consequences, right?

Hey!  Giant-Man fighting SIX GORILLAS!  Maybe I was too hard on Giant-Man earlier.

WHAT?

He ran away from the chance to fight six gorillas.  Giant-Man, you are not awesome.

Anyway, like I said, the Hulk becomes a backup feature of the book.  Thusly:

This picture kind of weirds me out.  It looks to me like Bruce Banner is about to be forcibly administered heroin by the Hulk while General Ross looks at him disapprovingly and Betty is about to go flirt with him, which is totally enabling behavior on Betty's part.  If you're not seeing any of this, I probably should sign up for therapy. 

But I liked this blurb:

Yeah, it's not the funniest thing, but I give them props for not taking themselves too seriously.

Anyhoo, in this story Bruce Banner invents the first Hulkbuster armor and it's an unqualified success.  It shrugs off everything the Hulk throws at it and then this happens: 

Okay, does everyone see what happened?  We're used to Bruce going all Hulkified whenever he's angry or outraged, but this suggests that the same thing causes the Hulk to change back.  I hope I have this wrong, because someone has written themselves into quite a corner if that's the case.  Bruce gets wound up, and he changes to the Hulk.  Then, if the Hulk similarly gets wound up, he starts to change back???  If that's the case, what's the outcome of every conflict going to be?

Pretty much this:

And that was pretty much the end of that fight.

I'm going through these for the first time, so no spoilers from all you long-time Hulk fans!  I want to see how this plays out.

See you Monday!

YUBIWAZA!!!!

Okay, I'm hoping things go back to normal, but in the meanwhile, check out YUBIWAZA!

YUBIWAZA!

And apparently, it's a pretty fast thing to learn:

What?  In 2 hours I can be beating up people without making bodily contact?  Prove it!

Well... Touche! (tm!)

It's very important to note that Yoshie Imanami is pretty.  Because if she wasn't, well... why would you care what she had to say?

I looked into this a little bit and it apparently was some form of ju-jitsu finger-fighting.  Which to me means that it requires some form of physical contact, contrary to what the ad says.  I'm thinking it went something like this:

You think?

Bear with me while I get out from under this week, gang!  I picked a heck of a time to pick up the blog again, but I'll get there!

See you tomorrow!