In Which Terra-Man Shows Superman a Thing or Two About Branding

So Superman #250 rolls around and I'm expecting something kinda awesome because the 250th issue of any title is certainly something of a milestone.  I was surprised to see this:

Wasn't Terra-Man just introduced in the last issue?

Well, yes he was.

Although I admit to a growing fondness for the character it rather surprised me that (A) we'd see him again so soon and (B) that he'd be Superman's foe for a landmark issue.  It reminded me of the 90's, when Bane and Doomsday went from first appearance to top of their respective rogues galleries.  Call me a traditionalist, but you should only get top-billing after you've paid your dues, and that simply takes time.  It's the same reason I hate televised singing competitions.

But, to be fair, Terra-Man has proven to be somewhat awesome, so how loudly can I complain?  Well, we all know the answer to that is that I can complain quite loudly, but that's not the point.  Here we see Terra-Man in prison after last issue:

I'm not sure he's "the most dangerous criminal the world has ever seen," mind you.  That's pushing it a bit.  But he is able to hold his own against Superman with nothing more than proficiency with alien weaponry, and that's pretty badass.

And he has some valid complaints about the typical department of corrections services in America:

Well, they're better about locking teenagers up with adults for minor offenses, but we've still got a long ways to go when dealing with our kids who commit crimes.  Terra-Man gets half a point for that one.

But what finally pushes him over the edge?  Crappy prison food:

Yeah, bad food would do it for me, too.

So, they're tossing a guy into solitary because he's being quiet?  I don't think I'd do well in prison at all.  The rules make no sense and ... well, the food is bad, and I likes me creature comforts.

So, he breaks out... which apparently he could have done at any time because all he has to do is whistle for his winged horse. The winged horse is named "Nova," by the way.

You enjoy some interesting wall decor, Sir.  I'll give you that.

What constitutes a ruckus, Terra-Man style?

This:

That was actually pretty cool.  We can't deny it.

Hey... did you know that picture phone technology was readily functional in the 1970's?

Well... it was functional.  Thanks for throwing technological progress back about 40 years, Superman.

Anyway...

Well, you kids with your body art just don't think in the long-term.  That "TM" on your face might not look so hot when you're a grandpa.

Yeah, I know.... you're going to be young forever and the calendar doesn't apply to you.  Just wait, whippersnappers.  It goes by more quickly than you think.

Know what other technology they had ahead of the rest of us?  This:

I would have bought a Power Glove back in the day if it meant I could have beaten up everyone this side of Superman:

So, yeah.  I think I'm sold on Terra-Man.  He didn't even need his own theme song.

But he totally had one:

See you Monday!

The Superman-Archie Bunker Crossover You Never Wanted to See

Taking a lookie-loo at Superman #245:

You know, if it doesn't work out the first time you eat a breakfast burrito, you probably should just figure they aren't for you.

And as promised, the crossover between Superman and Archie Bunker that guaranteed this issue would be quite dated in a matter of years:

I'm not sure All in the Family and Superman Comics had the same audience.  I was familiar with All in the Family because my parents watched it, and I suppose I watched it to see Archie throw temper tantrums, but that's kind of like having Angela Lansbury of Murder, She Wrote appearing in a Batman story over in Detective Comics.

On that note, it amused me when I was told that younger folks don't find Seinfeld funny.  I guess every generation has its thing.

I learned something about Krypton:

Based on this odd, self-loathing custom, I've come to the conclusion that the planet itself got so depressed from all the blubbering that it just exploded.

Anyway, it's the first appearance of Terra-Man:

I had only read one other comic with Terra-Man in it, so I can't say I was a fan.  But as you can see, any character that brings about this kind of story is aces in my book:

Yeah!  More, please!

Superman flying away from a fight, tears in his eyes.  This is the best Superman story ever!

But wait!  There's more!  There's Superman employing the rarely-seen "Super-Butt Drop":

NO ONE EXPECTS THE SUPER-BUTT DROP!

And finally, there was this:

Even Terra-Man finally has to acknowledge how silly the day has been:

This issue had an entirely separate story with the Terra-Man's origin, which was actually rather novel.  But even souped-up versions of weaponry used 100 years ago doesn't really present much of a challenge for a guy who can destroy entire planets with a glare.  I would think he would have been a good match for the Silver Age Hawkman, who used medieval weaponry to fight crime.  See, DC Comics?  You need me!

See you tomorrow!

In Which Superman Gets Lazy, But We Can Blame the "Weed"

Superman #247 was a classic tale, but that won't stop me.  Time for another edition of Well.... That's That. (tm!):

Well.... That's That. (tm!)

Hey!  It's time for some Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!)

No one suspected a thing until Clark became a fan of reggae music.

See you tomorrow!

Superman vs.... THE GIANT CLAM!

I've noticed that the Superman comic book tends to use the interruption of a reprint issue or an imaginary story as a means of abandoning ship on plot ideas that didn't work out.  In this case, we see a reprint issue and then it's as if the whole "New Adventures" never happened.  More particularly, we don't see anything from the notion that he reduced his powers.

That being said, let's check out the high points of Superman #246:

First, I didn't realize Superman had any problems with harming animals.  I mean, it was he and Supergirl's conduct that brought about the Unnecessary Animal Abuse (tm!) meme that we use around here.

But okay.  Superman is freakin' Morrissey when it comes the welfare of all creatures great and small.

Um... you probably could have just forced it's mouth open rather than burn the thing.  I mean, when I'm playing fetch with my poodle and he doesn't release the ball, I don't come at him with a welding torch.

Okay, you do realize that eating steamed clams involves their death, right?  What's all this "I can't kill a clam" nonsense?  And does Superman have to eat?  I think it's pretty well established that he doesn't.  So, any meat he eats is unnecessary and... well, I don't think PETA is going to contact Mr. "Principles" any time soon.

Hey, did they use a photo in the background?

I'm not 100% sure, but it sure looks like they did.  I always find that sort of thing kinda cool.  If it is a photo, does anyone have any idea where we are?  I'm guessing New York City, but I've never been.

Hey!  It's time for some Fun with Out of Context Dialogue (tm!)

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Finally, we have a gag from "Tales of Krypton," one of my least favorite back-up features ever

On Krypton, eharmony is much more hardcore.

See you tomorrow!

In Which Superman the Piffle-Diffle Enters the Computer Age

Issues like Superman #244 are just so dang quaint.  Here we are introduced to.... the computer!

Apparently, you just type in your question, and it'll give you an answer about anything:

Although I can't vouch for the accuracy, because I'm pretty sure the purple haze is this:

Anyway, computers came in one size and were sentient:

Man, in the early versions, Siri's personality was dang complicated.

So, we have something that is sentient that spawned an offspring who really means to do no harm.  What do we do?  Well, if we're Superman, we kill everything:

Way harsh, Superman.  And frankly, I'm not sure you have much of a career in IT.

One last look into the future before we go?  Sure!

He is something of a piffle-diffle.

See you tomorrow!