Superman vs. a Mob of Monsters... including a Giant Ape! YEAH!

Yet another imaginary story from Superman #166.  Basically, it's gonna be magic, Kryptonite or imaginary.  That's how Superman comics work.

I don't know that Superman is being very honest.  I mean, if you have one kid that can fly and one can't... are you really going to love them both equally?  You can either spend your time with the flying kid or the one with poor grammar who throws tantrums.  This ain't exactly Sophie's Choice.

And that was the theme of the issue, but it turned into a "let the artist draw weird creatures" festival.  Thusly:

Not that I'm complaining.  Funky creatures are generally the most interesting thing in a Superman story and... well, giant apes are awesome.  Always.

Hey!  It's time for some Random Ray Usage! (tm!)

Followed up by a new thing we had to call:

Random Gas Usage! (tm!)

Random Gas Usage (tm!) is normally followed by something along the lines of "Gas! Choke!"  But dogs don't talk.  Unless they're hit with some Random Ray Usage (tm!) that would allow for that.

See you tomorrow!

In Which We Take the Low Road

I've got lots of randomness from Superman #165:

Now, how many times has Krypto saved Superman's behind?  MANY.  Does he really need to address his faithful dog in such a manner?  Is it any wonder I love seeing Superman get smacked around.  Treat your pets kindly, folks.

Here's a qualified Fun with Out of Context Dialogue (tm!)

It's qualified because that it isn't funny to us Yankees, but I guarantee you that every British person who just read that panel found that hilarious.  It's my way of thanking British Culture for The Benny Hill Show.

Here's something that caught my eye:

Correct me if I'm wrong (like that's possible), but is that the first time Superman stated he was vulnerable to magic?  Is that the point where the writers officially said, "Okay, we can't have Kryptonite in every story, so let's come up with something else"?  I'm thinking it might be.  If anyone has anything pre-1963 where Superman actually comes right out and acknowledges the vulnerability, thus making it official, give me a shout in the comments.  I'm thinking we found something here.

You know what I learned in this story?

Superman is much more entertaining as a character when he has a mouse's head.

I love that:  "Marry me and I'll stop humiliating you!"  Because our behavior only improves once someone has committed to a relationship with us, right folks?

Hey!  It's time for Fun with Out of Context Dialogue (tm!) for all of us! 

That's a pretty tall order.  Am I right, fellas?  Does scratching 'em count?  Because that's really the only way I see this happening.

See?  It's a question of timing.  You only get to make someone miserable after they're in the relationship.  That's how relationships work.

Beloved quit reading this blog years ago.  Can you tell?

Oh, one more Fun with Out of Context Dialogue (tm!)

Wow.  We sure took the low road on our Fun with Out of Context Dialogue (tm!) today.  You should probably delete your browser history.

See you tomorrow!

The Time Luthor Quantifiably Proved He is Tougher than Superman

Luthor is a scientist.  How does he prove he's tougher than Superman?  I'm so glad you asked!

I now have a large portrait of the cover of Superman #5 in my office, so I may have to start easing up on Supes.  I just love that cover.

But these are the facts: 

That sounds reasonable.

I don't really follow that logic.  I mean, if you have the powers, that's just how it is.  Superman's ego overrides his noggin.  Often.

Anyway, brace yourself for the awesome:

I was going to end it there... but then it got even better:

Yes... without the powers, Lex Luthor can beat up Superman.  Repeatedly.

See you tomorrow!

Superman vs. Evil

Remember this?

You had to give DC credit for tinkering with their golden goose back in the 1990's.  I mean, they killed Superman off and proceeded to bring him back with a mullet.  And I enjoyed the whole "Death/Reign/Return" saga, so it's not like I was impossible to please.

But what the heck was that?

It turns out, Superman #162 was to blame, 35 years prior:

Yeah, it's an imaginary story, but I couldn't turn away.

In a nutshell, Superman was put on a super guilt trip by the people living in the bottle city of Kandor.  Frankly, they should have been glad to be alive at all, considering there were millions of dead Kryptonians who would have gladly taken "live out the rest of my life in one city" as opposed to "be on a planet when it blows up."  But after a while, gratitude becomes entitlement and there you have it.

So, Superman invents a machine designed to increase his intelligence (which isn't really his problem.... it's more of a personality / attitude kind of thing), and it causes him to split into two beings.  And he's apparently totally okay with this.

Anyway, Supes Squared has some kind of "honeydo" list and he decides to actually get cracking on it now that he's two people and it'll only take half the effort.  I may be reading into that last part.

It's kind of sad that Lori Lemaris feels like she has to identify herself as "Lori the Mermaid."  So, if I call Superman, am I to identify myself as "Adam, the middle-aged nerd"?

You know, if you live under the ocean with a bunch of other mermaid and mermen, I'd like to know who considers you a freak.  I mean, you may get a little guff if you actually leave your undersea kingdom, but it seems like leaving the planet is an extreme solution to a rather nonexistent problem.

Anyway, they toss every person who has a fishtail into the Great Beyond and then decide to invent an anti-evil ray.  Because RANDOM RAY USAGE TIMES BILLIONS!

Apparently, animals and insects are prone to evil:

Yes, when creatures fight, it is because they are evil.

Hmmmmm... It looks to me like this is just a form of sedation via ray-gun.  But you don't want to question the guy holding the hypno-ray.

Evil also apparently means not doing what the United States Government wants:

It's not that I'm a fan of nukes at all, but it's kinda presumptuous that other countries having their own weaponry constitutes evil.  That's kind of relative, depending on which country you happen to be standing on.

And then in culminated in this:

Yeah.  That's Superman Comics, folks.

See you tomorrow!

In Which Ma and Pa Kent Die. Yeah, It's Actually Pretty Sad.

Superman Comics #161 was something of a landmark in that it had the tragic death of Ma and Pa Kent:

Yeah, that was a long story.  Basically, the Kents found an old letter in a treasure chest and thought it would be a great story to tell the other ladies at the sewing circle or wherever it is that Ma Kent socializes so Clark took them both back in time.  Apparently if you're a relative of Clark's, you get those kind of perks.  If you aren't, you get an empty promise.

My last words would be, "AVENGE ME!!!!"  Even if I died of old age.  Someone had better avenge me.

Well, of course it wasn't your fault, Clark.  That would mean you made a mistake, and that sure isn't going to be allowed in the DC Universe!

Hmmmmm... I think your "real" parents would include the ones who actually did the legwork and got you to adulthood.  Nice way to minimize everything they did for you, Clark.  You jackass.

And, as happens quite often in Superman Comics, the next ish gives us an imaginary story.  I usually ignore those because those are kind of meant to make no sense, but this part caught my eye:

Wow.  Imaginary or harsh, the publisher of the Daily Planet is way harsh.  It's not cool to post salary matters... especially when you're going out of your way to rub a guy's nose in it.  Rather than just say, "these people are getting a raise," someone thought it was a good idea to mention Clark isn't getting anything but hosed.... just in case someone didn't notice it.  I would imagine turnover is pretty high at the Daily Planet.

See you Monday!

A Superdog, a Mermaid, and the Least Qualified Super-Hero for a Situation Ever

Superman #156, for all your "Mermaid Talking to a Super-Powered Dog" needs:

That, my friends, is awesome.

But the awesomeness quickly fades.  Check out this appearance by the Legion of Super-Heroes who show up while the Superman robots are literally making a mountain (with nary a molehill to be seen):

I'm not sure it will need "all of you," Sun Boy.  When it comes to reshaping mountains, I'm not sure Invisible Kid is contributing a whole lot.

Seriously, who thought it was a good idea to have Invisible Kid show up?  It's not like you don't have a platoon, nay, an actual Legion of characters to choose from for this particular tale.  But no, they have to bring along a guy who for this particular purpose, could not be more useless.

It's kind of sad they way he's just staying invisible like that.  It contributes nothing, but I suppose he's hiding out of embarrassment.

Let's finish the day with some Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!):

We are terrible people.  I'm terrible for putting it up, and you're terrible for reading it.  We all share blame in this.

See you tomorrow!

In Which Superman Challenges Your Theological Beliefs and a Guy Wrestles and Octopus

Let's finish up our look at Superman #155!  I know that after yesterday's post, you could hardly imagine there might be more.  But there is!

Here we see that abuse of animals in the Superman universe isn't limited only to those prancing around with a big red "S":

Yeah, beat him up, Rocca!  That'll teach him to... be an octopus.  Or something.

I want you to take a careful look at Mr. Mxyzptlk:

Trust me, it'll matter in a second.

Hercules and Samson were taken from the far distant past?

As in, they both really existed?

There's some serious theological ramifications here, but I know you just want to see Rocca fight 'em.

So, here ya go!

We aims to please here at CMNS.

Okay, remember how I was saying pay attention to Mr. Mxyzptlk earlier?  Here's why:

Wait a minute.  I have many dogs.  NONE of them could pass off as human being.  The body mechanics just don't allow it.  SHENANIGANS!

Oh, yay.  Superman is going to explain stuff.  THAT never gets old!

Look at how bored the criminals are.  They can't wait to get to prison where they don't have to listen to Superham's self-congratulatory monologues.

Hey!  We'll make that a thing!  Self-Congratulatory Monoloagues! (tm!)

And finally:

Well, you could take him now, if you were actually sincere about it.  I mean, if you're time-travelling, you can just return ten seconds later.  That's Superman for you: All kinds of empty promises.  Jerk.

And, by the way... note that Superman confirmed that Samson and Hercules really did exist and are accessible via time-travel.  That's right.  You can't get anything past me.

See you tomorrow!