In Which Superman Permits His Features to Return to Their Normal Proporitons

Let's finish up our look at Superman #5.  By now, I'm sure readers were starting to wonder why Superman's costume never tore amidst all the bullets and bombs and whatnot striking it.  This is what they came up with:

It's special.  And that's going to have to feed the proverbial bullfrog because comics were only ten cents and no one was making enough money to really give it any additional thought.

Here's a weird power he had back in the day:

Well, if he could stop his own heart from beating, I suppose it's marginally feasible that he'd have this kind of control over his facial muscles.  But although he did it a few times, he'd eventually lose that particular ability.  Because heat rays coming from his eyes would make so much more sense.

Still no flying, so check out what it looked like when he carried passengers:

Great jumping heck, did you have to carry the guy backwards?  It would be unnerving enough to be carried around while someone is jumping a hundred feet at a time, but that's just awful.  And you know the guy wants to say something, but what do you do?  You don't want to cheese off Superman.  Especially back in the day.  He killed people back then.

See you tomorrow!

By Golly, Superman will be CHEESED if He Catches You Playing the Slots!

Let's start into Superman #5, unless someone has a better idea:

Hmmmm... it looks to me like Superman just interrupted a sexual assault in progress.  I mean, look at what was going on in there, look at the state of that poor woman's dress, and tell me what else I'm supposed to think.  Comics went to some pretty dark places back in the day.

But you know what?  Still no flying:

Or to put it another way:  WHEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Here's a little Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!)

Seriously, kid.  That's a suckers game.  Head straight for the blackjack tables.

Someone really likes purple.

More Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!)

I don't mind, either.  But thanks for asking.

One more time!

Well, we're kind of belaboring the point, but if it'll shut Superman up, don't play the slots, kids!

Oh, let's have one more bit of Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!)

Um.... congratulations?  I'm not sure what the appropriate response is here.

See you tomorrow!

The Fiddler Fiddlin' what with His Fiddle

Before we depart from Superman #4, let me remind you:

He still wasn't flying.

I'm not an artist by any standards, but I would think that just drawing Superman flying would be a lot easier than all this jumping, climbing, hanging, etc....

Anyway, off to Bulletman #11.  Check it out:

Yes, the Fiddler.  But not the one we all know who was a Golden Age Flash villain for decades.  This Fiddler (and no, he wasn't "Fiendish Fiddler."  Just "Fiddler.") came out a few years before the one we all know.  Although, just to be complete, he came out a few months after the Violinist.

I have a question about Bulletman:

Are he and Bulletgirl bulletproof somehow?  Or can they only shrug off bullets if an enemy is obliging enough to aim for their helmets?  I'm still a little lost on the powers Bulletman gave himself.

So, how did the Fiddler end up?

Well, he had a good argument that his confession was given under coercion, but it appears he didn't have faith in the legal system:

Hmmmm... you know, I'm pretty sure Bulletman or Bulletgirl could have grabbed the Fiddler before bailing out of the brain if they had wanted to.

If they had wanted to.  Let this be a lesson to all of us.

What are you saying Bulletgirl?  Are you planning on killing every bad guy who crosses your path?  That's pretty tough talk for someone who was almost killed by the Dude.

See you tomorrow!

In Which Superman Fights a Giant Rat and a Dinosaur and We Learn About Oklahoma Official State Foods

Still looking at Superman #4, I learned that Supes visited my home state!

Well, yeah try and stop him!  Who would turn down a chance at visiting Oklahoma?

Hmmmm... he "ran like a startled antelope" all the way from Metropolis?  I mean, no one knows for sure where Metropolis is actually located, but it's well-established that it's on the East Coast.  Oklahoma, meanwhile, is dang near in the middle of the Country.  We get a lot of things coming through our state that isn't so good because we're on the way to most places.  In any event, that's a long way to run, but I suppose if I could do it, that would be more scenic than a plane, train or automobile.

Well, Supes, we don't take too kindly to strangers in Oklahoma and kind of like to introduce ourselves via firearms of various calibers.  Consider the size of that rocket a compliment!

Anyway:

Once upon a time, an earthquake might have been unusual in Oklahoma, but seriously: We get those now.  We get wildfires, blizzards, tornadoes, hailstorms, nearly 80 days of sub-freezing temperatures, summers that get well above 100 degrees on a regular basis and now Oklahoma has the most seismic activity in the nation.

Know why?  Scientists say it's because of all the fracking that's been going on here.  But at least (as of July 7th), we citizens can now sue oil companies for destroying our homes.

But back then, earthquakes weren't common so that's why everyone seems so surprised.  These days, Oklahoma residents just shrug and move on.  It's what we do.

I don't know that the snark was justified.  Did Superman expect me to help hold the tower up?  We need to clarify our roles in this situation before you get all smarmy.

But then the local paper tells Clark there are better places for him to be, because again.... strangers.

But even more importantly, did you know that our official State meal is fried okra, squash, cornbread, barbecue pork, biscuits, sausage and gravy, grits, corn, strawberries, chicken fried steak, pecan pie, and black-eyed peas?  And watermelon is our State vegetable.

Well, I guess that's it for Oklahoma... and it pretty much was, as far as this story goes.

Then Superman shows his aggressive side.  First, he gives Lois a nerve pinch to knock her unconscious, and not for the first time, either.  I guess that once she tried to slip him a mickey, all bets were off.

Yup.  Two dead crooks.  Because that's how Superman rolled back in the day.

I'm a little torn on this:

Okay, first?  Pterodactyl attacking a plane is awesome.

But check it out:

Superman made no attempt at keeping the pterodactyl from killing the pilot.  Granted, he couldn't fly, but we've already seen Supes do some pretty amazing things, so I have the uncomfortable suspicion that he let the pilot get killed because he would otherwise have to give up his secret identity.

But then we see Superman fight a giant rat, so it's okay!

Although I'm not sure someone with Superman's powers had to resort to killing the creature.  But then again, we just saw him take two human lives, so why not?

Let's not focus on that, either.  Let's watch Superman fight a dinosaur!

If you're wondering why things seem a little squeezed there, artwork-wise, it appears that in the early days, they were really stuck on the whole 8-panel-per-page system.  It was probably a holdover from when comic books were just reprints of newspaper comics.  I'm just spitballing that explanation because I'm not so curious as to actually research it.  I told you what the Oklahoma State Meal is, and I think that's plenty of learning to justify your visit here today.

See you tomorrow!

Superman is a Heart-Stopper. Literally.

So, I'm leafing my way through Superman #4, trying to contain my disappointment that, due to strained relations between my country and that and Korea, I will most likely never taste a honey butter chip.  Seriously.  They have figured out how to turn honey butter into a chip, and because of some stupid international diplomacy issue, I have to sit around eating chips made out of potatoes like some kind of chump.

Anyway...  

... this is one of Superman's lesser-known powers, and one of the coolest.  I mean, the guy can stop his freakin' heart!  Logistically, it raises questions because... I mean, does he not need to have his blood flowing throughout his body?  If so, why have a heart at all?

Oh, man.  I really set that up, didn't I?  Take it away!....

Superman still hasn't exactly fine-tuned his powers, which makes a certain amount of sense.  Thusly:

Yeah... you don't want bombs falling on innocent people in the street....

... although I'm not sure that large chunks of aircraft debris is really a better option.  I suppose I'd rather dodge falling aircraft debris than deal with a large bomb going off in front of me, but not by much.

Anyhoo, still no flying.

And it really is a becoming a problem, because most of Superman's awkward moments tend to revolve around the fact that he's doing aerial maneuvers without actually being able to fly.  Thusly:

Okay, I see the necessity here... but that just looks silly.  Awesome!

See you Monday!

Yes, There was a Bulletdog.

So, we plow into Bulletman #10, with a final comic book look at the original Weeper:

Yes, Bulletdog.  You knew something like this would happen sooner or later.

I'm always in favor of involving a dog in a story, but I'm wondering... if Bulletman can make a collar for the dog that will enable the dog to fly, why didn't Bulletman do it for himself and Bulletgirl?  Considering how often their helmets went sailing off, I would think it should at least be a topic for discussion.

I don't think he sees a lot of action after this, but how can you not love the idea of a flying dog?

Anyway, here is technically what I believe is the last comic book appearance of the original Weeper:

So, what happened?  And who is the Weeper we know of today?

Well, the Weeper would appear again later to face Mary Marvel.  But it wouldn't be the original Weeper.  It would be his son.  Somewhere along the line, this guy dies.  And he doesn't even get a death on-camera.  That's pretty sad indeed.

Well, I would normally say that it's sad, but then I remember that he kicked the dog:

If you kick a dog, you deserve an off-camera death.  Jerk.

And then there was the time Bulletgirl forgot the only thing that keeps her from being completely useless:

And there was also that time she came up with the team "motto":

Is a motto like a battle cry?  Because if that's the case, it's a pretty pitiful one.  "WE NEVER WASTE TIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMEEE!!!!"

 Hey!  Look who came back from the dead!

Yup!  That's Mr. Ego, who I thought for sure was gone forever because he showed that lingering hand-above-the-surface-of-the-water thing that usually means it's too late for penicillin.  What's the explanation for his return?  This comic only cost 10 cents, that's your explanation!

Check out this sad performance by our due: 

Did you see that?  Those two can fly themselves at considerable speed, and they didn't even try.  And the Chief calls them on it!  That, my friends... is awesome!

See you tomorrow!