Fear the New Coat of the Chameleon!

Finishing up Crash Comics #5, I found this little tidbit in the Blue Streak story:

Except.... say it with me, kids!

That Doesn't Work That Way! (tm!)

Carbon monoxide, according to the Center for Disease Control (the place you run to when the zombie apocalypse hits), carbon monoxide is an odorless, colorless gas.  Sooooo....

That Doesn't Work That Way! (tm!)

It's also dangerously misleading, because someone who gets most of their information from comics (like me, although I also like to get my news from E's The Soup), will think that a carbon monoxide detector isn't necessary because... well, if you don't smell it, you're fine.  Right?  Wrong!

Seriously... if you don't have a carbon monoxide detector, go get one.  They're very cheap and people die from that sort of thing.

Meanwhile, on to Target Comics volume 4 number 6, which tells me modern comics didn't actually invent the confusing method of numbering issues... they just do it a lot.  I completely gave up trying to complete past collections simply because I didn't know which issue went with which version of a given title.

Anyhoo, this issue has a couple of characters I'd never heard of before, like Air Force Cadet whose name was...

... oh, eesh.  Really?

Al T. Tude.

Names that are puns cost us all our dignity.  Although I will say that I had incorrectly thought "Tude" wasn't a true last name.  Well, sure enough, there it is.  There are people out there with the last name of "Tude," so maybe some sadistic parent actually gave their kid that name.  And if your name is Al T. Tude, I guess you are either going to be in the Air Force or you're going to be washing window on high-rise buildings.

Did I just talk myself into thinking that this character's name is okay?  I think I did.  I just may be the biggest nerd ever.

Meanwhile, here's a look at the Chameleon, not to be confused with the Spider-Man / Daredevil foe of the same name:

You see, he would baffle the Nazis by...

well, by changing his clothes:

Hmmmmm... I had thought you might be the Chameleon, but when I saw him earlier, he was wearing a hat and no coat.  So there's no way you could be him.  Move along.

As the story progressed, he would rely on being very loud and over-the-top as a way of making people uncomfortable enough to humor him.  So, he was the WWII version of Robin Williams, and every bit as entertaining.  Which is to say, not at all.

See you tomorrow!

REVOLUTION! Because Skipping Dessert is Not an Option!

Continuing our look at Crash Comics #5, let's check out the Cat Man story:

Okay, so he's reading about a problem that has the Secret Service baffled, and does what anyone would do:

Yes, he just walks into the Secret Service Headquarters and seems to get deputized.  Instantly.  Now, I don't know what the rules were back then, but I've applied for a Federal job or two and I can tell you that it takes a lot more than that.  But I love this scene.  "Yes, stranger, despite your complete lack of credentials and no security clearance, you have the full weight of the United States Secret Service behind you!"

It appears that we can learn to speak tiger.  Sad but true: As a child, I would have totally tried this out with my housecat.

Oh, and he dies again:

There was some kind of ray that froze your blood in your veins.  And actually, that's kinda bitchin'.

But I would note that they are keeping score of his deaths, reminding us that he was down to 8 lives after dying in the previous story.  So, I can presume Cat Man didn't have more than 10 appearances.  We'll see how that turned out.

Meanwhile, let's check out a CMNS Moment... of Comic Book Greatness! (tm!)

This has been a CMNS Moment... of Comic Book Greatness! (tm!)

See you tomorrow!

Strongman's Powerful Thrust

Administrative Note: Monday is a holiday, so we'll be back Tuesday, January 21st for more hijinks!

I realize that I'm way too fascinated with the character of Strongman, but I'm just amazed at the powers they gave this guy, this time in Crash Comics #5:

Like tank-tossing:

Repelling gas attacks with his own breath:

Smacking away bombs dropped by airplanes:

And my personal favorite, throwing himself onto detonating dynamite and surviving:

And how does he accomplish this? Magic?  Is he an alien?

No, my friends.  Yoga.

It's like the writers were figuring no one would remember his origin, so why even bother trying to stick to it?  These days, at least they'd have the courtesy to ret-con or reboot the character.  But nope.  He's a yoga enthusiast who can apparently go toe-to-toe with Superman or Captain Marvel.  Shouldn't he be more at Batman level, at best?

Yes, I know.  I'm over-thinking it.  Let's check in on Don Davis, Espionage Ace at Startling Comics #39!

We seem to have caught Don at a very bad time.  Again.

Oh, well.  See you Monday!

In Which I Become A Conduit of World Peace

I kid you not, my favorite Chinese restaurant is now changing it's name to "Dong Fang."  I don't know if it's changing ownership, but that has got to be the most unfortunate name I've heard in a while.  I would think that a "dong fang," while quite the conversation piece, would be extremely uncomfortable.

Language is a tricky business.  As a worldwide phenomenon, I would like to ask everyone who speaks a language besides English to tell me how to say the following phrases in another language (a recognized one... talking like a cast member of Jersey Shore or using Pig Latin doesn't count):

1. Where is the bathroom?

2. Does this look infected to you?

3. Those drugs aren't mine.

4. That man was dead when I got here.

So, if you speak a language besides English, let's take good advantage of our status as a cosmopolitan blog and teach other these critical phrases.  Put 'em in the comments!

Meanwhile, don't ever answer the phone if you're a character in a Pep Comics story:

On the second one, I think it would be a hilarious follow-up for the voice on the other end of the line to say, "His name is Aahhgt?  Is that Scandinavian?"

As you can see, telephonic communication in Pep Comics (this was issue #40, by the way) is a hazardous thing to do.

OH SWEET BABY GHERKIN PICKLES, MRS. ANDREWS, DON'T USE THE PHONE!

Relax.  Mrs. Andrews is fine.  Archie, however, is dead in the basement.

I keed, I keed.

Hey!  It's time for Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!)

We get a two-fer with that one, because.... That's a Fair Question. (tm!)

See you tomorrow!

Possibly One of the Greatest Comic Stories in the History of Four-Color Printing

Possibly one of the greatest stories in the history of comics came about as I was finishing up Startling Comics #38:

Indeed.  Whoever could it be?

LAND OCTOPUSES!

And yes, I totally Googled it to make sure I was using the correct form of the word for "more than one octopus."

That particular scene reminded me of the old "Landshark" bit on Saturday Night Live.  But, as is often the case, comics did it first.

YEAH!  LAND OCTOPUSES!

You can't get enough land octopuses.

Meanwhile, let's calm ourselves down with another installment of Well... Touche! (tm!)

Well... Touche! (tm!)

And let's finish up with one of my own favorite features:  GAH! (tm!)

Yes, I totally consume these things all the time because they taste just like candy, and you should as well.  Just ignore that "keep this and all drugs out of the reach of children" warning because that's just for kids who aren't cool enough to use cough drops when they don't really need them.  All the really cool kids take them until they have running diarrhea.

GAH! (tm!)

Seriously, kids.  The Smith Brothers website even says cough drops are drugs and kinds shouldn't get unfettered access to 'em.  Don't do that.  See you tomorrow!

A Gorilla! UFF!

We're starting the week off with Startling Comics #38.  It's an awesome issue, because as we all know:

Gorilla's make everything awesome!

Here's a CMNS Moment... of Comic Book Greatness! (tm!)

This has been a CMNS Moment... of Comic Book Greatness! (tm!)

This panel caught my eye: 

Sound familiar?

Yup! Note that the movie came about 35 years after the comic.  Sure, you could say it's just a coinkydink, but you never know...

Here's a little something I found interesting from All-American Comics #2:

Whenever I see someone's name in a comic like that, I get the urge to run a search to see what I can find.  Well, sure enough, according to the Social Security Death Index, Frank lived in Michigan and passed away in 1981 at the respectable age of 84.  I liked that story, and it got me to thinking about how amazed he might be to know that someone would still be talking about it thirty years after his death.  We salute you, Frank Rusoti!

See?  I can talk about positive things, too.  They just aren't funny.  But I like to think this is a blog of general awesomeness, and his story certainly qualifies.

See you tomorrow!

There's Something About a Girl in a Conical Hat...

Golden Age Green Lantern #29 devoted all three tales to Green Lantern's relationship with the Golden Age Harlequin. As you can see, it's like shooting fish in a barrel to stick her in the Costume Hall of Shame (tm!), but I'd lose all my credibility as a serious comic book journal if I didn't put it there.  Because I'm the Walter Freakin' Conkrite of comic book bloggers, you know:

Based on the above photo, she appears to be very bendy.

Anyway, the Harlequin was always trying to convince GL that he had the hots for her.  Between the hat and the collar, and don't know how Alan was able to resist her feminine wiles.  Apparently the whole "will power" thing translates into the ability to turn down women who have no shame regarding their fashion sense.

The last story was the most interesting of the bunch, where the Harlequin agrees to surrender to the tender mercies of the criminal justice system (and, I presume, the producers of What Not to Wear) if GL agreed to act as her defense attorney.

This results in the United States getting covered by Disembodied Floating Heads (tm!):

However, the concept of zealous advocacy is lost on Alan:

Hmmm... I hate to armchair quarterback Alan, but if the outcome of the trial is that she's acquitted, I'm pretty sure the subsequent prosecution and imprisonment isn't likely to happen.  In any event, criminal defense attorneys are there to protect the Constitutional rights of every citizen (y'see, if you don't follow due process for the worst of us, then none of us have those protections), so calling them criminals is.... well, Alan can just suck it.  Go back to your little radio station, asshat.

Anyhoo, the logistical problem with the Harlequin is that she worked with Alan, so if she disappeared as her civilian self every time the Harlequin was in the slam, even Alan would connect the dots eventually.  So, she would always escape in the end:

Seriously.  Three stories, and she escaped three times.

This is quite a shift from the Joker's solo title back in the 70's, where the Comics Code Authority had some standard that the bad guy always had to get a come-uppance in the end.

The Joker's solo title was pretty bitchin', by the way:

Meanwhile...

Jim...  dreams of cough drops.

See you Monday!