Jughead Jones's Prospect for a Career in Customer Service Looks Bleak!

From Green Lantern Vol. 1, #22:

Whoa!  Easy there, Joe!  Some things can't be unsaid!

Let's take a look at the Hun (The Hun?) from Pep Comics #32:

As you can see, he looks like Captain Marvel Jr.'s nemesis, Captain Nazi, only he carries around a shield.  He was introduced as a villain for the Shield, who is still not carrying around a shield of any kind.

I couldn't help but notice that the Hun switches hands a lot when it comes to that shield.  At first he went from the left:

... and there he was, holding it in the right hand so he could brandish a Luger.  Considering one has to put one's forearm through the straps of the shield, I can only presume this was a pretty awkward transition. 

"Stay put, dummkopf, whilst I holster my weapon and put my shield back on my left arm so that I can grab that microphone from you.  Thusly!"

"Und now, if every one of you inferior fools will be so kind as to wait whilst I transfer my shield back to my right hand so that I can use my left hand to... vell, it is a surprise, so trust me!  You do not vant to ruink my surpise, do you?"

"THERE!  HA!  You trusted me, but you should not haf, because I am now holding my shield in my right hand so that I may strangle you with the cord of the microphone that I vas holdink in my right hand but now een my left!  I haff once again proven the superiority of the Aryan race!"

And so it went.

Um, Hun... you have a little something on your lip.... over on the left... no, my left.... you know what?  Never mind.  You're good.

Indeed.

See you tomorrow!

All I Need is Superman's Shirt and I'll Have All Five "S" Uniforms in Existence! Wait... What?

Let's check out some Action Comics covers... because why not?

I'm not ashamed to admit it: This is the first time Lois Lane has struck me as being remotely interesting.  Whatever you're doing, Lois, keep it up!

Hmmmm... you say you only need Superman's shirt to complete your collection of "S" shirts? 

Well, (a) that's a really stupid thing to collect, and you're talking to a guy who literally collected rubber bands as a child.

And, (b), I think you're missing the most awesome one of all:

Finally, check this out:

Oh, Lois, we'll have none of your false modesty.  You're totally grooving on this.

Actually, Lois is having yet another one of her brain-damaged episodes.  What caused this one?  Check it out:

For those of you scoring at home, Lois Lane saw evidence that Clark and Supes are one in the same and this was so shocking to her that she developed some kind of mental disorder.  Mind you, Lois accused Clark of being Superman at least every other Thursday until he finally spilled the beans to her.   Lois would have been more surprised to find out that the Daily Planet cafeteria no longer served blue cheese salad dressing than to be confronted with proof that Clark and Supes were one and the same.

Oh, comics... why must you test my love?

See you tomorrow!

A Fedora, Despite Its Jaunty Appearance, Provides Little Protection from Firearms

The Hangman story in Pep Comics #31 introduced the Hunter... because as much as we'd like to see it happen, he couldn't fight Captain Swastika in every issue.  But much like the not-so-good Captain, the Hunter's choice of battle gear left a little somethin'-somethin' to be desired:

No, it's not the helmet.  If Captain Swastika can wear a fedora, the horned helmet here makes at least as much sense.  It's the loincloth.  What kind of protection do you get when you're fighting someone from a loincloth?  I believe a loincloth is what you wear when you are lost in the jungle or on a deserted island and you literally have nothing else you could be wearing.  Off to the Costume Hall of Shame with you, Hunter!

And yes, he was very similar to the Spider-Man foe, Kraven the Hunter, who would appear a good 20 years later.  Everything old is new again!

Speaking of which, check out the Violinist from Pep Comics #31!:

Any comic nerdlinger worth their salt sees the similarities between this guy and the Fiddler, who befuddled the Flash for dang near 60 years before meeting his maker in the Villains United series:

... but you know what?  The Violinist, despite having the ability to physically control people via his fiddlin' (although it seemed to be limited to paralyzing his targets) like the Fiddler, the Violinist appeared at least three years before the Fiddler started annoying the Flash.

And no, that cover isn't from the Fiddler's first appearance, but it's pretty cool, so I used it.

Hey!  Let's check in on Don Davis, Espionage Ace!

Oh, well.  Better luck next time, Don!

See you tomorrow!

Guns and Cocaine for Your Reading Enjoyment!

From Pep Comics #31, we have the second appearance of the Strangler.  It always puzzled me when, say, a German person would go with an English name, but even more puzzling is that the Strangler, much like Captain Swastika, wore regular trousers and shoes:

I mean, I don't know that the guy is a super-villain per se, but if you're going to put on the costume with the cape and the gloves and the big chest emblem, I'm just not following the pants and brown shoes decision.

UNLESS... he plans on wearing overcoats a lot.  That would make some sense, if he did that.

Which he didn't.  But that would still make sense.

Moving on to another installment of Well... There Ya Go! (tm!)

Well... There Ya Go! (tm!)

I vaguely remember Snowbird from an earlier ish, but I don't think I really appreciated the character.  Check this out:

Oh, we're not finished.  Keep going...

So, you're saying, "Adam, surely he's talking about snuff."

And when I don't answer, you'll break the awkward silence with...

"Um... isn't he?"

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Exhibit "A"...

Yes... he said "dope."

Yes, I believe we're watching the Golden Age Comic Book version of Scarface.  Thanks for your dime, kids!

Wow.   Just... wow.

See you tomorrow!

Superman Doesn't Have Time for Your So-Called "Safety Precautions!" Those Are for LESSER Beings!

So, I'm plodding through Action Comics #188, and I'm marveling at how long Congo Bill and the Vigilante lasted.  Figuring one issue a month, they've already been kicking for over 15 and a half years worth of comics!  Granted, it's because they were back-up features (I don't know anyone who says they purchased Action Comics for the Congo Bill story), but that's still quite a run... and I hope it stops soon, because the stories aren't very good.

Anyway, time for a CMNS Lapses in Judgment (tm!) double feature!

The first has to do with an atomic meltdown at a facility foolishly located in the middle of heavily-populate Metropolis.  Thusly:

Oh, you did not just tell Superham what to do, Professor Pocketprotector!

Supes seems oddly amused by the situation, don't you think?  Anyway, there's all kinds of radiation behind that lead door.  Got it?  Remember that, because you'll soon see that Superham doesn't seem to understand the significance of it.

"And the big red 'S' on my chest stands for STEP OFF, Professor Badsuit!"

Okay... did everyone get that?

He just tore off the lead door and exposed everyone in the room to lethal levels of radiation.  Seriously, he couldn't give them a few seconds to clear the room first?  Sure, he saves Metropolis... sorta... I mean, radiation has a tendency to travel a bit, so I'm not sure what the area of effect was of that whole thing.  I'm not sure he really spared anyone an unpleasant death, long-term.

Oh, well.  Now for our second feature of Lapses in Judgment! (tm!)

Listen to your gut, Lois.  Stranger danger!

Oh, Lois.  Jimmy couldn't protect you from a chihuahua.  What are you thinking?

You certainly did, Jimmy.  You certainly did.  Not even your rapidly-changing hair color will save you now.

Don't do what these people did, kids.

Let's leave the week with more fun from Pud and the gang:

Wow... so, Butch exhales helium.  He should be one of the X-Men!

See you Monday!

AGH! A Non-Moving, Two-Dimensional Image! Don't Let it Get Me!

I am positively giddy at the promise of Luke Cage and Iron Fist getting some live-action tv time.  If there was a better team than Luke and the Fist back in the day, I don't know what it was.

But while we wait, let's check out Startling Comics #26!

I don't recall this:

Did Captain Future used to to hurl lightning bolts, or is this something new?  He's always worn the lightning emblem, but I don't recall ever seeing this before.  And the fact that they're making a big to-do out of him zapping a Nazi plane that was clearly flying too close to his logo makes me think this is a new thing.

Of course, it makes no sense (tm!) because right before this story we had Pyroman, who also had electricity-based powers and zapped people all over the place.  So, it's fair to say that those who put Startling Comics together had officially run out of ideas by the end of their 25th issue... not that this was going to stop them.

And on a totally different note:  

I'm familiar with the concept of magic lanterns, and as the text states, it projects an image onto a wall or screen.  It doesn't generate holograms.  The fact that these guys are thinking a two-dimensional image on a wall is real tells you the caliber of adversary the Four Comrades generally encountered.

Don Davis...

... has no time for your questions.

There were some very curious ads at the end of this ish:

So... was this a problem among readers of Startling Comics?

And what about this one:

Again, how many Startling Comics needed an Orchid to make their clothes "glamourous" or "gorgeous"?  I'm starting to think that ad space in Startling Comics must have been insanely cheap.

See you tomorrow!

And Don't Get Archie STARTED on Betty's Low-Cut Tight-Fitting Blouses!

Just taking a moment to finish up Pep Comics #30, which had the first appearance of "Captain Commando and the Boy Soldiers":

It was de rigueur back in the day to have one of two kinds of groups: Either your group consisted of a fat person, a really smart person, a nondescript person and some undersized hellion or you had a group that consisted of a bunch of people with different nationalities.  If your group featured the latter, you could count on heavy accents and lots of slang that the country of origin probably hadn't used in 50 years.  And there was usually a lot of interlocking arms and singing in unison.

And, might I add, not enough of moments like this: 

I quickly grew bored with Captain Commando and found the Archie story, where Betty has found the secret to popularity:

And then Archie makes a suggestion that, had it been anyone but Betty, would have resulted in Archie nursing a bloody nose:

And then Archie takes that first step in the sordid life of pimpin':

Why this panel hasn't circulated the Internet with the frequency of "Joker's Boner," I do not know.  But remember who had it first.

In any event, I'm sure that the Riverdale Police soon set up a vice squad.

No, Captain Commando was not in charge of Riverdale's Vice Squad.  I don't know who it was, but I'm certain it wasn't him.  Stop being so silly!

Although, now that I think about it, that would have been awesome.

See you tomorrow!