Shut Up, Tim.

Wow, last week was terrible, and I'm not sure the rest of the month will be better.  But unless a day just completely gets away from me, I'll keep up the posts!

From America's Best #17, I'd like to introduce a new CMNS meme we're going to call Shut Up, Tim. (tm!)

It goes like this:

Shut up, Tim. (tm!)

From that same issue, we have this awesome panel where you can see that the letterer had a bit of difficulty with margins:

Wow, can you believe the editor let him get away with that?  He must have been a real pushover.

Um, this looks a little ... er... awkward.

Look, I put the word "indestructible" in bold, and there is no way I'm going to re-do all that dialog.  So you'll print it and you'll like it!

Oh... ok.

Meanwhile, from Pep Comics #25, here's a CMNS Moment... of Comic Book Greatness! (tm!)

This has been a CMNS Moment... of Comic Book Greatness! (tm!)

See you tomorrow!

Whenever You Feel That Stomach Pain, SMILE! SMILE!

So, we're still on Golden Age Green Lantern #14, where Alan visits the worst doctor ever.

I don't know what he's doing, but whenever people block you with their back, they aren't up to anything good. 

That's the go-to in the medical profession.  If they can't come up with a diagnosis, they go with hypochondria.  Because, of course, it's not possible that Dr. Mustache there is simply stumped.  No, the problem is clearly that Alan's pains are psycho-somatic.  

What's the cure?  To smile!

I have to admit, Alan Scott is clearly one of those people who shouldn't smile.  And I'm not being mean, because I'm one of those people that shouldn't smile.  It just doesn't look good, so I go with the Raymond Burr grin:

The doctor agrees with me, although I think he's something of an alarmist:

Did I mention he's the worst doctor ever?

Moving on to a Moment of Comic Book Greatness! (tm!)

And, by the looks of things, he's telling the horse a filthy, filthy joke!

And we'll end today with another installment of That Doesn't Work That Way! (tm!)

According to the Martin-Schultz scale of eye color, "black" is not an eye color at all.

Unless we're making an inappropriate joke about punching your children in the eyes.... which I am not doing.

So let it be known... Eye Color Doesn't Work That Way! (tm!)

See you Monday!

Superman Says, "Hop on the Welfare Wagon!"

In light of the U.S. Government shutdown, I thought we might want to hear some perspective from Superman himself, courtesy of Action Comics #169:

Wow!  Regardless of where you fall on the whole issue, it's interesting to see a comic editorializing like that.  It was certainly a different time!

Meanwhile, in Green Lantern volume 1, #14:

I don't know about you, but I would buy the heck out of a comic that was nothing but Walter and Mabel arguing.  Just arguments... no making up, no resolutions, just 27 pages of them bickering with each other, and I'll happily plop down a few bucks.

See you tomorrow!

Everyone Knows They Can't Stop Once They've Started Writing the Parking Citation

Shakin' away those work stress blues with a look at America's Best Comics #28:

I hate to be the one to interrupt Miss Masque's tirade of righteous indignation...

.... but it is clearly posted not to park there.

Just stay out of it, Black Terror.  There's nothing good there for you.

Hey!  Ads!

Okay, just so we're clear, this "juke box" doesn't actually play anything.  If you "bring it out at parties or when company comes to call," I think it's a safe bet people are going to quit coming to your home for social occasions because you're scamming them.  What kind of a jerk would you be to have this thing?

Hey, remember this?

As everyone under the age of 30 goes, "huh?"  Yes, this is what we used to use before your magic computers came along, kids.  And I well tell you this... it was never easy to type a document.  If you made a mistake, you had to retype the whole bloody page.  I even had one teacher who made you put footnotes in your typewritten papers, which meant you had to guess how much space you needed at the bottom for the footnotes, put a little pencil mark on the page so you'd know when to stop typing, and scream like a drunk merchant marine you made any kind of mistake at all.  Teachers were really sadistic back in my day.  My conflicts with them were never my fault, on that you can rely!

Hey!  It's time for some Fun with Out of Context Artwork! (tm!)

I'm sorry, miss, but if you're going to join us, that'll be another $250.

No, I'm not proud of that one, but I played the hand I was dealt.

See you tomorrow!

Dusty, We Forgot to Drop Off This Corpse!

Goodness, what a week.... and it's barely begun!  I need some fun from Action Comics #167!  Time for another installment of Well... Touche! (tm!)

Well... Touche! (tm!)

Enough of this droll humor.  Let's check in on Pep Comics #24

No, not that John Wayne.  Keep reading...

We're working towards the first appearance of a brand new CMNS meme, so keep going....

Yup... this is a little something I'm going to call:

Well, THAT Took a Very Dark Turn! (tm!)

Get it?  See, it's when things just like...

... well, like this:

Well THAT Took a Very Dark Turn! (tm!)

Egad!  I don't know if I can take more of this ish.  We'll pick it up tomorrow! 

See you then!

Why Should I be Tortured?

Let's start our week taking a look at Golden Age Green Lantern #13, which has the awesome origin of Dinah Mite, Sound Effects Person:

Why should you care?  Well, she is apparently a huge deal in Alan Scott's life and we just overlooked it for the previous 12 issues:

I share Dinah's surprise.  It's not like we've ever seen them dating or anything.  As far as I know, Alan just launched right into marriage.  I applaud Alan for his gusto-going, but I just don't know that marriage should be your opening volley when it comes to courting.

But it doesn't end there.  Doiby Dickles has is warm for her form as well:

What is going on here?  Is it her accent?  Is it the jaunty way she wraps a rag around her head?

I know, you're waiting for something that will explain away all this.  It doesn't happen:

See that "The End" down there?  The story is apparently over, and the next story makes no reference to any of this.  I can only assume this continues in the next issue, but it really disrupts the flow when GL is betrothed in one story and he clearly isn't in the next.

I was going to get all righteous and wonder why Dinah thinks GL would want to marry her, but heck... everyone else in the story with a "Y" chromosome seemed to be booking chapels and deejays.

But note that she pledged herself to the one guy who didn't ask.  Let's see Yael 'splain the logic in that one!

And now, the premiere of our latest CMNS meme, That's a Fair Question (tm!).

Thusly:

That's a Fair Question.  (tm!)

Here's a fun bit of history:

I guess a bunch of kids were dropping out of school and just continuing their role in the war effort.  That's really interesting, because I can't think of anything the government programs for kids these days that would be called a "war job."  The things we learn when we read old comics!

And there was also a battery shortage:

That doesn't surprise me too much, but it still interests me when manufacturers take out ads to explain why you can't easily buy their stuff.

Cool stuff!  See you tomorrow!

Superman vs. the Roomba

So the new Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. TV series debuted to very strong ratings, tying for first in its time slot.  I haven't seen it yet... I've taped it.  Yes, I am part of the one family left in civilization who actually uses a VCR.  And I'm so far behind in my TV watching that it will literally be around Christmas before I actually see the first episode. I kid you not - we're watching stuff I recorded in May right now.

Anyway, check it out:

Doc Strange?  Have you got a minute?

Sure, Terror.  What's up?

I'm reading this comic and... do you see this?

Is that a picture of us reading this comic... on the comic?  Hey, Yank!  C'mere!

I'm not talking to you guys.  You're just going to say, "We've got a job for you, Yank," and then make obscene hand gestures.

No, seriously... look at this!

Hey... is that the three of us in the comic reading the comic?

I know, right?

Gentlemen... my mind is blown.  Hey, do I really look that stupid in this hat?

Enough of that.  Meanwhile:

I appreciate your youthful enthusiasm, Tim... but you may want to tone it down just a scontch.

Check out the premise for the Superman story from Action Comics #167:

You can't prove I'm operating the machines, Superman!  I've stumped you!

Actually, if he's disavowing any ownership or control of the machines, I presume Superham did the logical thing and felt free to smash them into little tiny pieces.  Crisis averted, story boring.  NEXT!

Oh, for the love of...

Tim, I really think you should cool it and be more care...

DANG it, Tim!  What did I just say?

See you Monday!