When Evil Threatens, I Must Appear If I Feel Like It!

Having a little old-fashioned CMNS fun with America's Best Comics #24:

Well... meow, meow, Bob!

Meanwhile....

Some folks take Ebay a bit too seriously.

I haven't gotten around to saying this yet, but here's my beef with the Fighting Yank.

I mean, besides his name.

And that stupid hat.  

No, my issue with the Fighting Yank is that there was no real element of danger to the character, ever.  You see, whenever he got in a jam, his ancestor would intervene.  Thusly:

That's my beef with Superham, only this is even more ridiculous.  It's hard to feel any suspense when his ancestor is going to reach down like the Spectre and keep anything bad from really happening to him.  He even picks up the Yank's clothes:

That is one co-dependent ghost.  

Then, of course, I get into the issue of "If the Yank's ancestor can intervene like that, why doesn't he just get rid of all the bad guys himself?"   And you aren't supposed to bring logic into comics, but I don't know that this has ever been explained away and it's a perfectly valid question.

Oy.  Let's make Baby Ruth cookies!

Well, girlie, your mom totally lied.  I'm sure they are all kinds of tasty, but if your mom says they're good for you, she needs parenting classes.

See you tomorrow!

Is It Too Late to Give this Feature Its Own Title and Call it "The Good Fairy That Watches Over Our Orphanage"? Because I Would Totally Buy That Comic!

I've gotten some flack over the years for not doing much on modern comics.  That's fair, I suppose, but there are reasons for that: (a) When modern comics go bad, it's generally much more sad than it is funny and (b) Half the time, I'm not sure if they aren't being all Hipster Ironic on me.

For example, this panel from Gotham City Sirens #3:

Normally, "leap" as a sound effect would have landed you in CMNS Sound Effect Theatre (tm!).  But surely someone recognized that "leap" is a verb... or it could be a gerund.  But it isn't a sound unless someone says "Leap!" as they leap, and I don't think that's the case here.  It's hard for me to imagine that an editor in this day and age would let that just pass, so I don't want to be the guy that isn't in on the joke.

No, give me a dandy like this one from Superman Family #167, courtesy of contributor Robert Gillis!:

YEAH!  Mermaids using telepathy and apparently omniscient closed-circuit television!  THAT'S what we're all about here at CMNS!

And it's time for a new meme!  Woot!

Coming at us first from Superman Family #169, also courtesy of contributor Robert Gillis, I like to call this one:  Well, now you're just showing off! (tm!)

We're going to use this one whenever a super-powered being uses superpowers in a gratuitous and unnecessary fashion.  Thusly:

Yeah, this is why everyone was sent here from Krypton... to keep kites in the air and repair sidewalks.

Well, now you're just showing off! (tm!)

See how that works?

See you tomorrow!

GAH!

I thought I was finished with Phantom Lady #21, but then I saw this:

Billy, you may want to get out of the way of the fleeing armed criminals before...

Billy!  SWEET GOLLYWOBBLES!  NO!

You fooled us, kid!  I'm totally going to kill you when I'm out on bail.

And your new gun will deserve the credit when an officer shoots you because he thinks that gun is real.

This Fun with Out of Context Dialogue (tm!) is so awesome, I guarantee it'll show up somewhere else.

Funny, yet creepy all at once!  We multitask here at CMNS!

For those who appreciate irony:

See you tomorrow!

The Double Life of Sandra Knight

I will eventually move on, I'm sure... but now they're just poking the bear.  From Golden Age Phantom Lady #21 (again):

Don, do you just never look at Sandra's face?  Is that the situation? 

At this point, I would be looking at Beloved rather oddly, but Don just thinks it's hilarious:

See?  She's practically drawing him a picture.  It's almost a cry for help.  Figure out my secret, Don!  I'm tired of living a lie! 

So, as tends to be the case in Don's life, he gets attacked and knocked unconscious by thugs.  And I mean, this happens on a regular basis.  The man probably has brain damage, which might explain why he's unable to solve the great mystery of who the Phantom Lady is.

And there's the Phantom Lady, requiring that Don approach her closely enough to untie her:

Maybe all those knocks to the head damaged Don's eyesight.  I'm really not sure exactly what it is, but it has to be some sort of legitimate medical condition.

Maybe Don has short-term memory loss and can't remember what Sandra looked like earlier in the day.  I'm serious... Don gets knocked unconscious a lot.

You're testing me, Phantom Lady.

Anyway, off she goes after her father:

Okay, they're momentarily blinded by her black light, which would explain why someone who isn't around both Sandra Knight and the Phantom Lady on a regular basis might not recognize her.

But just in case we're not thoroughly convinced that Sandra is ridiculously lazy with her secret identity, she decides to shout out her relationship with the kidnap victim.

So, now anyone with eyes or ears in their head can now use the scientific method and figure out who's who.

Senator, I realize you aren't wearing glasses, but isn't there something telling you that you're daughter is propping you up right now?  Who elected this guy?

The story ends none-too-soon with my mind reeling at just how amazingly impaired everyone is in Sandra Knight's world:

Yeah, that's the biggest flaw in your foolproof secret ID, Sandra.  Your choice of lipstick.

Ugh.  I need a Phantom Lady break.

See you Monday!

Thou Shalt Not Disparage the Name of Jack-in-the-Box in My Presence!

From Golden Age Phantom Lady #21, we have....

.... oh, just read it.

Jack in the Box?  Does Senator Knight have a craving for a Jumbo Jack, or two-for-a-buck tacos?  Well, I'm sure he does... I mean, *I* certainly do on a regular basis, but that's not what he's talking about at all.

No, he's talking about this guy:

Yes, that's Jack-in-the-Box, and he is indeed running around with a big ol' box around his waist.  You'd think that this would compromise maneuverability and would therefore be quite impractical out in the field, but....

... I'm sorry, I'm still thinking about getting a Jumbo Jack.  I loves me some Jack-in-the-Box.

Focus, Adam!  Focus!

Anyway, the character wasn't really any fun, although we can see that Jack appreciated a good parade, unlike some people I could mention.

And while I know I've driven this point into the ground many times over, I just can't let this go.

Keep in mind that the Phantom Lady is talking to two men who, in her civilian secret identity of which they purportedly have no knowledge, are her boyfriend and father: 

She's standing right there, in the light, talking to them face-to-face.

And then this happens....

Does she even change hair styles?  How do you stand in a room  and carry on a discussion with your girlfriend or daughter and not recognize her when she's not even wearing a mask? This is the kind of scene you see with a toddler, where you pretend they totally faked you out when they totally didn't, but the Senator and Don are genuinely clueless.  Clark Kent gets a lot of ribbing for his flimsy "glasses" disguise, but this is the worst case of collective blindness I'll wager you'll find in comics.

Blarg.... must have Jumbo Jack... will feel much better after having Jumbo Jack....

See you tomorrow!

Right Down to the Bleached Hair on My Leg!

It was pretty common back in the day to have an established character introduce a new one.  And it must be effective, because you may recall that  DC really went bananas with every character in the DC Universe trying to convince us that the 1990's version of Starman wasn't one of the worst creations ever .  It makes a certain amount of sense, of course... if you like one character and see him/her embracing another, that lends a certain amount of credibility.

And yet, this cover kind of did the opposite for me:

Okay, for starters, did the Shield get a hold of some Pym Particles, because he's gigantic there for no particular reason... and don't try to blame it on "artistic license," because Dusty is drawn to scale.

But more to the point, I'm not sure why this is necessary.  The Hangman is in Pep Comics.  If I want to read my other favorite features in Pep Comics, I'm kind of stuck.  It's like the fact that I pay for ESPN on my cable bill even though I haven't watched five minutes of ESPN programming in the last 20 years.

And I don't really need to "look for him," Dusty, ya little tool.  This ain't Where's Waldo?

It just seems like someone with a badass name like "The Hangman" wouldn't be palling around with someone like the Shield... and certainly not Dusty, the Boy Detective.

But, as I got into Pep Comics #18, it became apparent that the Hangman is nowhere near as awesome as we'd hoped:

"Rounding up law-breakers and turning them over to the law?"

Well, that rather disappointing.  Hangmen aren't really known for leaving live specimens after they do what hangmen do, if you know what I mean.  Meh.

But the bad guy in this story had the right idea... he impersonated the Hangman and started killing people.  Which, again, if you think about it, the bad guy's version made a whole lot more sense in reconciling the whole "hangman" motif.

But there was a flaw in this criminal mastermind's plans:

Okay, it's a tenuous scenario at best when you propose to disguise yourself when you have such a unique identifying feature.  It's hella stupid to take off your glove so that other people can get a good look at said unique identifying feature.

Maybe he thought no one would take the witness seriously because he's black.  And, to be fair, he was pretty much correct:

At first, I almost didn't run these panels because... well, the guy is clearly a minstrel character and I'm really not into unearthing those cringeworthy, dreadful moments in comics history that were clearly meant to be demeaning and hurtful.

And yet, although I'm very leery of this character just based on the representation of African Americans, I wondered if I had to give it some kudos for showing the cops as the jackasses in the situation.  

Then I saw that the characters name is "Anthracite," which is a type of coal, and I realized that my first instincts were correct and this character is an embarrassing part of our shared comics heritage.  As always, I'm running the pics so that we can recognize the ugliness of racism in comics so that we can all be mindful of how groups of people are portrayed.

And with that, we'll move on.  Hey!  Anyone want to Jitterbug?

Never mind.

I'm still having a hard time with the "Madam Satan" feature:

I mean.... Hey, Kids!  Comics!  Thrill to the exploits of the Shield and Dusty the Boy Detective.... and Madam Satan, Black Evil from the Maw of Hades!  All for one thin dime!

Let's end today with an installment of Well ... There Ya Go! (tm!)

Well... There Ya Go! (tm!)

A Pleasure, M'sieu Fancypants!

I'm thumbing through a copy of Action Comics #106.  It's interesting that after so many years of publication, Superman still only got one story in the magazine that introduced him to the world.  Congo Bill, now known to comic readers as the guy whose brain is trapped in the body of a giant golden gorilla and simply goes by "Bill," took up just as much real estate in Action Comics for quite some time:

It was worth reading this story for no other reason than the line, "A pleasure, M'sieu Fancy Pants!"

Here's something that I think qualifies as a trope, but I hardly ever actually see it in comics:

It's 1646, you say?  But that was 200 hundred years ago!

What's that?  I was sleeping?

It was only a dream!  Or WAS it?

I just don't see that nearly as often as you might think.

Hey it's time for a CMNS Moment of Comic Book Greatness! (tm!)

This has been a CMNS Moment of Comic Book Greatness! (tm!)

And finally....

It was upon hearing the child's insipid comment that Captain Tootsie began to wonder if he should associate more with people his own age.

See you tomorrow!