There's No Time to Step Aside... But Plenty of Time to Articulate What's Happening!

So we introduced the Excessively Impossibly Expository Dialogue (tm!) the other day, and contributor sPat is all over it with these dandies...

Maybe there's time to shield myself with this small dull child!

Dang! Why did I have to use up the small child on that falling pedestal? 

Jimmy has the worst luck with stuff falling on him.  Maybe Metropolis has some really lax building codes.

And here's a piano that falls slowly enough for two people to comment on it:

If I lived in Metropolis, I'd be afraid to leave the house.

Thanks again, sPat!

See you tomorrow!

Quit Pointing at My Silo and Laughing!

From Amazing Spider-Man #241:

Fortunately, although I had little money, the farm was listed for sale quite cheaply due in no small part to its very unfortunately-shaped silo...

From Amazing Spider-Man #243:

Pete's found his attractiveness to Felicia Hardy considerably diminished by her annoying habit of having images of Pete's ex-girlfriends fly from her head and make snarky comments at random intervals...

And finally, from Amazing Spider-Man #245, another installment of He Probably Should Have Seen that Coming! (tm!):

"Lefty" Donavan....

.... probably should have seen that coming.

See you tomorrow!

You'd Have to Have a Lot of Extra Lives to Not Care if You are Casually Killed by a Falling Safe and Other Observations

Hot on the heals of our newest meme comes yet another new meme, with assistance for the concept from contributor Robert Gillis, who provided us with today's panels.

Ladies and gents, I give you...

the Excessively Impossibly Expository Monologue(tm!)  

I know!  It's like an early Valentine's gift, isn't it?

Here's a great example from Jimmy Olsen #71:

Jimmy either thinks really quickly, or that safe is falling verrrrrrrry slowly.

From that same issue....

As every comic book nerdlinger knows, what happens in Jimmy Olsen comics stays in Jimmy Olsen comics...

From Superman Family #176.  Superham Jr. is one of the most abusive dog owners ever.  In this scene, he takes Krypto's favorite thing for a week... and it was for something Krypto didn't even do!

What's the matter, Superham Jr.?  Out of poison?

Besides which, Krypto is a dog.  He will have totally forgotten why he's being punished ten minutes later, and will (rightly) assume his master is just an abusive jerk.

See you tomorrow!

In Which I Make Up for Shameless Shilling with a New CMNS Meme

Dear Ones, for those of you holding out for print copies of Hero Action Persons, a bit of comic book awesomeness penned by yours truly, we now have print copies available.

Thusly:

'Tis 32 pages and a buck less than the big boys, so how can you say no?

Note that the print version is in grayscale.  It pained me to lose the awesome colors, but the print cost for full color would have dang-near tripled the price.  If you'd like to get the whole 200 page saga in full color, I recommend the digital download you can get here or here (in two parts) or even here.

It's my hope that we'll get all six issues in print and even a TPB of all five issues in graphic novel format in the near future.

And it wouldn't hurt to ask your LCS to get it for you... hint, hint.

But enough of that.  Time for a new CMNS meme!  We're calling it...

He Probably Should Have Seen That Coming! (tm!)

Courtesy of Amazing Spider-Man #238:

Georgie...

... probably should have seen that coming.

I loves it already!  Awesomesauce!

See you Monday!

OOO AH OCK E O EH AH IH I-ER EH!

As I was saying a fond farewell to the Will O' The Wisp / Tarantula three-parter, I felt I had to touch on one thing that really bugged me.  This is from Amazing Spider-Man #235:

That's pretty articulate for a guy with no lips.  I mean, that mouth seems to be no more than a modified "beak" if you will, so how is he able to be understood?  Really, the line should have read "OOO AH OCK E O EH AH IH I-ER EH!"

Or words to that effect.

The next issue had a return of the Stilt Man, who I always kind of enjoyed. I didn't know he actually took on Thor once, but now I simply must track that issue down.

We're heading into the Hobgoblin storyline, but before we do, check this out:

Okay, that's Nate telling everyone what's wrong with the world today as old people are inclined to do without any encouragement from the rest of us.  People spend too much time thinking and not doing.  Got that?  Okay, next issue... 

Now, Nate encourages us to think and dream.  He's pretty inconsistent.  Maybe his remarkable, unexplained weight loss from one issue to the next has made him less grumpy.  

Enough of that.  WHEATCAKES!

Yes, as Pete reflects on his origin for the ba-millionth time, we are at least treated to yet another artist's rendition of Aunt May serving wheatcakes.  WHEATCAKES!

See you tomorrow!

Peter Parker, Ladies Man...

I was perusing Amazing Spider-Man #234, and guess what?  Pete is getting hit on.  Again.

Again.

You'd think this was pretty old hat for Peter by now, but no.  Recognizing the potential for an acute cootie infection, he does the manly thing and flees:

Really?  Mary Jane? Gwen? Dawn Starr? Betty Brandt?  Debbi Whitman?  Granted, Dawn Starr was a manipulative little opportunist, but it sure seems like Pete's getting hit on every day.  You think he'd be better equipped to handle it by now.

Enough romance.  The big sparkly ball wants revenge.  REVENGE!:

Yeah, that's not very awe-inspiring, is it?  Maybe that's why they gave us the new, literal Tarantula at the end of that ish:

Y'see, the Tarantula agreed to undergo an experimental process to up his powers after getting his clock cleaned, and as we all know in comic books, you should rarely agree to undergo an experimental process.  It ends poorly more often than not.

Now compare that panel to the last panel of the following issue:

It seems to me like we're going for a dramatic cliffhanger that's a little too close in time to the previous dramatic cliffhanger.  It's like that guy who tells a joke and you laugh and then he thinks he's got something so he keeps repeating the punch line at every opportunity and you feel like you have to laugh again.  Or, even worse, the guy that found something you said funny and repeats the punch line and you have to let it go because you're the one who put it out there in the first place.

Yeah, we get it.  Scary, scary.... oooooooooooo

Meh.

See you tomorrow!

Dog Burns Down Chicago... Runs Home and Hides Under Bed

Robert Gillis saves the day again with a few beauties from the Silver Age...

From Jimmy Olsen #59.  Okay, so Jimmy was in London and set his watch ahead and that messed with the frequency of the signal watch.

Sooooooo...  am I to presume that for six months out of the year when Jimmy adjusts for Daylight Savings Time, he's just out of luck then as well?

That's some pretty lame technology you've got going on there, Supes.  This watch will send me a signal whenever you're in trouble, Jimmy... BUT GOD IN HEAVEN ABOVE HELP YOU IF YOU ADJUST THE TIME ON THIS THING!

Here's some more Krypto fun from Superboy #111.  Krypto is changing into various animals because... well, I'll let Krypto explain it:

Now I realize that Red Kryptonite has random effects and all that...

.... but seriously?  Just being near the animal is what decides it?

So, you'd think that with this newfound knowledge, Krypto would avoid anything that might constitute food to your average meat-eating fella, but apparently he didn't because he later turned into a cow.

And caused the Great Chicago Fire of 1871.

Note that Krypto makes no effort to fix his "boo-boo."  Krypto is indeed part of the "Superham Family."   An estimated 300 people are dying right below him, and all Krypto can do is say "how about that!" and head home.

As an aside, no one actually knows for sure how the fire actually started.  Mrs. O'Leary was a great scapegoat because she was an Irish Catholic Immigrant, but the Chicago Republican reporter who reported it (a jackass by the name of Michael Ahem) would admit 20 years later that he made up the whole thing for "colorful copy."  Yeah, I'm sure that did Mrs. O'Leary a lot of good.  Jerk.

Robert has also started a brand new CMNS meme:

The Random Sucker-Punch!(tm!)

We're not sure from whence this came, but it's awesome.

Thanks again, Robert!

See you tomorrow!