You'd Have to Have a Lot of Extra Lives to Not Care if You are Casually Killed by a Falling Safe and Other Observations

Hot on the heals of our newest meme comes yet another new meme, with assistance for the concept from contributor Robert Gillis, who provided us with today's panels.

Ladies and gents, I give you...

the Excessively Impossibly Expository Monologue(tm!)  

I know!  It's like an early Valentine's gift, isn't it?

Here's a great example from Jimmy Olsen #71:

Jimmy either thinks really quickly, or that safe is falling verrrrrrrry slowly.

From that same issue....

As every comic book nerdlinger knows, what happens in Jimmy Olsen comics stays in Jimmy Olsen comics...

From Superman Family #176.  Superham Jr. is one of the most abusive dog owners ever.  In this scene, he takes Krypto's favorite thing for a week... and it was for something Krypto didn't even do!

What's the matter, Superham Jr.?  Out of poison?

Besides which, Krypto is a dog.  He will have totally forgotten why he's being punished ten minutes later, and will (rightly) assume his master is just an abusive jerk.

See you tomorrow!

In Which I Make Up for Shameless Shilling with a New CMNS Meme

Dear Ones, for those of you holding out for print copies of Hero Action Persons, a bit of comic book awesomeness penned by yours truly, we now have print copies available.

Thusly:

'Tis 32 pages and a buck less than the big boys, so how can you say no?

Note that the print version is in grayscale.  It pained me to lose the awesome colors, but the print cost for full color would have dang-near tripled the price.  If you'd like to get the whole 200 page saga in full color, I recommend the digital download you can get here or here (in two parts) or even here.

It's my hope that we'll get all six issues in print and even a TPB of all five issues in graphic novel format in the near future.

And it wouldn't hurt to ask your LCS to get it for you... hint, hint.

But enough of that.  Time for a new CMNS meme!  We're calling it...

He Probably Should Have Seen That Coming! (tm!)

Courtesy of Amazing Spider-Man #238:

Georgie...

... probably should have seen that coming.

I loves it already!  Awesomesauce!

See you Monday!

OOO AH OCK E O EH AH IH I-ER EH!

As I was saying a fond farewell to the Will O' The Wisp / Tarantula three-parter, I felt I had to touch on one thing that really bugged me.  This is from Amazing Spider-Man #235:

That's pretty articulate for a guy with no lips.  I mean, that mouth seems to be no more than a modified "beak" if you will, so how is he able to be understood?  Really, the line should have read "OOO AH OCK E O EH AH IH I-ER EH!"

Or words to that effect.

The next issue had a return of the Stilt Man, who I always kind of enjoyed. I didn't know he actually took on Thor once, but now I simply must track that issue down.

We're heading into the Hobgoblin storyline, but before we do, check this out:

Okay, that's Nate telling everyone what's wrong with the world today as old people are inclined to do without any encouragement from the rest of us.  People spend too much time thinking and not doing.  Got that?  Okay, next issue... 

Now, Nate encourages us to think and dream.  He's pretty inconsistent.  Maybe his remarkable, unexplained weight loss from one issue to the next has made him less grumpy.  

Enough of that.  WHEATCAKES!

Yes, as Pete reflects on his origin for the ba-millionth time, we are at least treated to yet another artist's rendition of Aunt May serving wheatcakes.  WHEATCAKES!

See you tomorrow!

Peter Parker, Ladies Man...

I was perusing Amazing Spider-Man #234, and guess what?  Pete is getting hit on.  Again.

Again.

You'd think this was pretty old hat for Peter by now, but no.  Recognizing the potential for an acute cootie infection, he does the manly thing and flees:

Really?  Mary Jane? Gwen? Dawn Starr? Betty Brandt?  Debbi Whitman?  Granted, Dawn Starr was a manipulative little opportunist, but it sure seems like Pete's getting hit on every day.  You think he'd be better equipped to handle it by now.

Enough romance.  The big sparkly ball wants revenge.  REVENGE!:

Yeah, that's not very awe-inspiring, is it?  Maybe that's why they gave us the new, literal Tarantula at the end of that ish:

Y'see, the Tarantula agreed to undergo an experimental process to up his powers after getting his clock cleaned, and as we all know in comic books, you should rarely agree to undergo an experimental process.  It ends poorly more often than not.

Now compare that panel to the last panel of the following issue:

It seems to me like we're going for a dramatic cliffhanger that's a little too close in time to the previous dramatic cliffhanger.  It's like that guy who tells a joke and you laugh and then he thinks he's got something so he keeps repeating the punch line at every opportunity and you feel like you have to laugh again.  Or, even worse, the guy that found something you said funny and repeats the punch line and you have to let it go because you're the one who put it out there in the first place.

Yeah, we get it.  Scary, scary.... oooooooooooo

Meh.

See you tomorrow!

Dog Burns Down Chicago... Runs Home and Hides Under Bed

Robert Gillis saves the day again with a few beauties from the Silver Age...

From Jimmy Olsen #59.  Okay, so Jimmy was in London and set his watch ahead and that messed with the frequency of the signal watch.

Sooooooo...  am I to presume that for six months out of the year when Jimmy adjusts for Daylight Savings Time, he's just out of luck then as well?

That's some pretty lame technology you've got going on there, Supes.  This watch will send me a signal whenever you're in trouble, Jimmy... BUT GOD IN HEAVEN ABOVE HELP YOU IF YOU ADJUST THE TIME ON THIS THING!

Here's some more Krypto fun from Superboy #111.  Krypto is changing into various animals because... well, I'll let Krypto explain it:

Now I realize that Red Kryptonite has random effects and all that...

.... but seriously?  Just being near the animal is what decides it?

So, you'd think that with this newfound knowledge, Krypto would avoid anything that might constitute food to your average meat-eating fella, but apparently he didn't because he later turned into a cow.

And caused the Great Chicago Fire of 1871.

Note that Krypto makes no effort to fix his "boo-boo."  Krypto is indeed part of the "Superham Family."   An estimated 300 people are dying right below him, and all Krypto can do is say "how about that!" and head home.

As an aside, no one actually knows for sure how the fire actually started.  Mrs. O'Leary was a great scapegoat because she was an Irish Catholic Immigrant, but the Chicago Republican reporter who reported it (a jackass by the name of Michael Ahem) would admit 20 years later that he made up the whole thing for "colorful copy."  Yeah, I'm sure that did Mrs. O'Leary a lot of good.  Jerk.

Robert has also started a brand new CMNS meme:

The Random Sucker-Punch!(tm!)

We're not sure from whence this came, but it's awesome.

Thanks again, Robert!

See you tomorrow!

The Sting of the Tarantula... Don't Believe the Hype

The Cobra...

... it wasn't so much that he would squeeze the breath from your lungs as it was that he would press his junk against your back.  

You would think that there would be tons of characters that use or used the name cobra, right?  Well, you'd be surprised.  While the name is used all over the place, there's almost always a qualifier: Dr. Cobra, El Cobra, Cobra Commander, etc.  There was a space pirate named Cobra who appeared in Space Adventure Cobra back in the 90's that was some sort of weird Japanese thing that all you kids seem to love these days, but other than that character and the Golden Age nemesis of Magno and Davey, I don't think there was another character who just went by that name.  Anyone think differently?

Few remember Peter Parker's career on Wall Street...

The Tarantula returned in Amazing #233, 99 issues since his first appearance.  As you may recall, he was the Jackal's badass enforcer back in the original "Clone Saga" storyline in 1974.

What a difference 8 years (and another writer) made...

Now, to be fair, I believe the Tarantula's memory of his weapons' effectiveness is a little skewed.  I think the only time he had actually made contact with his little toe-stickers was when he either snuck up on Pete or Pete had his hands full doing something else.  It's not like he was Bullseye with those things.  But unlike past encounters, Pete takes him down in no time flat, even though the Tarantula has added finger blades to his arsenal:

Wow.  That was quite a dis. But not unexpected, considering that the cover of the issue gave it all away...

 

Yeah, that pretty much summed it up right there.  I probably could have saved myself sixty cents.

That's the first time I ever noticed one writer treat a character in a manner entirely different from another.  I notice it all the time now, particularly when the Juggernaut goes from a raging trash-talker to having the vernacular of Victor Von Doom.  Considering how scary the Tarantula seemed to be when I was six years old, it was very jarring to see that he was really a bush leaguer to someone in Spidey's class.

While I was researching this post, I came upon this great article that takes a look at the Tarantula's evolution from feared nemesis to minor annoyance.  It also gave me another look at a page where I found this little bit of Fun with Out of Context Dialogue(tm!) that I had previously missed: 

Heh.

See you tomorrow!

How that Suits Lew... Who, Appropriately Enough, Usually Wore Suits

More silliness from Pep Comics #7...

That's probably a good strategy.  I don't know how many people would buy a ticket to stare at a convalescent.  Lew was shrewd.  "Shrewd Lew," nobody called him... but they probably should have.

Speaking of names...

I'm not trying to make excuses for the guy, but maybe he's a little slow in "learning the ways of the righteous" because you're calling him JOODAR THE EVIL.  If you referred to him as "Joodar, the Work in Progress" or even "Joodar, the Morally Conflicted" he might be a little less resistant to personal growth.

Tay Ling quickly regretted her decision to spend her summer vacation in Florida...

What fun!  See you Monday!