So the Green Goblin returns and Pete is convinced it's Harry Osborn. But, as any comics reader will tell you, new characters are usually introduced to be (a) future villains or (b) future victims of villains, so in Amazing Spider-Man #180, we learn that....
It's really the fault of the artist more than the writer. On paper, Bart Hamilton's only major flaw was that he was a psychiatrist. But as we've seen these last few days, the man's expressions and choice of decor gave us some pretty clear signals. Between Bart Hamilton and Dr. Faustus, Marvel was really taking some digs at the mental health field. I wonder what Freud would say about that?
Some relationship tips from Amazing Spider-Man #176:
Never use the phrase "sitting here feeling impotent" with anyone you find remotely attractive. Even if you don't mean it that way, you're just putting ideas in her head you'd rather not be rattling around in there.
Here's more relationship advice from Amazing Spider-Man #182:
We can glean from Frank's comment that there's no "imbalance of power" there, so Frank is probably within the bounds of...
Oh, Frank. You just sailed right over the line there. That radio call is probably from Human Resources. Don't make any plans for Saturday, because I expect a sexual harassment workshop is in your immediate future.
I am the first to acknowledge that sometimes my lawyerness gets in the way of enjoying things. I generally can't watch courtroom dramas or crime shows because I'll get disgusted at the inaccuracies of the portrayal of the legal system. I think folks are confused enough about things without entertainment making things worse.
Case in point, Amazing Spider-Man #176:
What's Aunt May doing? Well, it appears she's committing assault and battery with a dangerous weapon on a police officer per New York State Section 120.11 of the New York Penal Code.
Heh... Penal Code.
Depending on how you interpret the law, Aunt May could have just bought herself upwards of somewhere between 25 and 30 years in the slam.
Most restrained. Officer. Ever.
And no, having a heart attack during a felonious assault has nothing to do with the crime that was just committed.
And then along comes Pete, who decides to commit an assault of his own:
Okay, everyone in this scenario who doesn't have a badge should be in handcuffs at this point.
Yeah, that'll happen. I've represented more than one scenario where the whole family got involved. The only "break" everyone usually gets is a free ride in a squad car to jail.
But not these guys. This is the wimpiest police force I've ever seen:
Wow. I'm all in favor of compassion from law enforcement and all that, but come on. It's one thing to exercise restraint appropriate to the situation, but it's another thing to be boo-hooing about the perp who just gave herself a heart attack as she was assaulting you with a weapon. Shenanigans!
In other words, don't do what Aunt May and Pete just did. It will not end with the officers feeling all sorry for you.
As was pointed out by our eagle-eyed readers, Pete's "bad guy fake-out" problem in Amazing Spider-Man #170 was at least the third time something like this had happened:
Anyone know of any other times? sPat? Robert Gillis? Marv? Allergy? My supply of Amazing isn't complete, so if anyone knows of any additional times this plot device was used, it would be fun to know about!
But you know who Pete hadn't been seeing illusions of? The Rocket Racer. Because he pops up in Amazing Spider-Man #172:
You know, he has made something of a comeback in recent years, even making a couple of appearances in the awesome Avengers Academy, not to mention an episode of Spider-Man: The Animated Series of the 1990s.
But he's still an awful character.
I think Pete was trying to oversell it there. Granted, symbiote villains like Venom and Carnage were still more than a decade away, but I'm pretty sure this guy wasn't on the short list of villains to audition for the Sinister Six.
But that issue had JJJ dancing, so there's always that:
Fast forward to issue #174, where Harry is all emo because his fiance Liz Allen dumped him. Why? Because Liz's brother, who everyone except Aunt May seemed to know was the Molten Man, forced her to steal chemicals for him ("Why, Liz? Why are you stealing chemicals?" "I can't tell you why, Peter!" "If only I remembered that you only do these things when your brother is in town and emotionally blackmailing you, I could solve this infernal mystery!") bit the big one and, as everyone who has ever been in a serious relationship will tell you, the death of a family member requires you to end an engagement. Because that's the rule.
Anyway, Pete and Flash take Harry to that psychiatrist who gives me the creeps:
Oh. Well he doesn't seem that creepy right THEREOHMYGOODNESSWHATISTHATONHISWALL?
You know what else will set my therapy back? Looking at carved images of demons while I'm in therapy!
Signs, signs, everywhere signs... SING IT WITH ME!
Okay, enough of that. Time for some Fun with Out of Context Dialogue(tm!):
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAA!
That's awesome. It really is.
Let's take a look at Amazing Spider-Man #170:
If we hadn't learned it already it's that mental health professionals in comics are always evil, and Doctor Faustus is no exception. His main ability appears to be causing his cigarette holder to appear and disappear whenever the situation calls for it:
As we might expect the good evil doctor is using his psychiatric training for evil, causing Spidey to think he's gone wakka-wakka and getting attacked by his some of his greatest foes. Well, his greatest foes and Man-Wolf. Thusly:
I'm not sure why seeing all of his enemies coming out of nowhere to attack him is surprising. It seems like he's dealt with that before...
Oh yes:
Wow. They didn't even get through two years of issues before they recycled that plot device. They used different characters (for the most part, because you see the Vulture in both issues), but after my first go-round of seeing bad guys who aren't there and learning it was a sham, I'd be pretty skeptical the second time. Especially so soon after the first time.
But Pete's questioning his sanity on both covers. I guess since Dr. Faustus used hallucinations in #170 and Smythe used robots in #150, we're supposed to think this is all a fresh idea or something. Hey, comics were only 30 cents back then. We took what they gave us.
So, as you may have noticed from yesterday's post, I've started going through Amazing Spider-Man again. It's pretty easy to go back to it, because I followed that title pretty closely until I got distracted by the Byrne-era X-Men and the Miller-era Daredevil titles. Even so, whenever I found an ish in a bargain bin, I couldn't resist picking it up.
Now, I have no idea what's going in Pete's life, and I'm a good twenty years behind in my reading. Especially when I go backwards to find awesome bits of drama like this one from Amazing #166:
My life is an absolute shambles! It's coming apart. My... my...
my CHRISTMAS TREE FELL OVER! What are we going to do now, Spider-Man? WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO NOW?
To be fair, Beloved gets disproportionally upset at inanimate objects. We almost didn't get married because she got her purse caught on a doorknob as she was walking past it. True story!
Okay, I know it's on purpose here, but look at this from Amazing #167:
The Spider-Slayers are just so dang silly looking when JJJ's face is on them. I know it's to emphasize how ridiculous the whole thing is, but .... I'm sorry, off to the Costume Hall of Shame (tm!) for any Spider-Slayer design that has JJJ's mug prevalent on it.
I would never tell my deepest darkest secrets to anyone with that kind of facial expression. It may be shallow of me, but I just have this thing that keeps me from relaxing around Satan.
Yeah, have fun. Let me know how that works out after he slips you a mickey and you wake up chained to a wall of his basement.
Anyone not see it coming that he's an evil guy? I mean, very few shrinks in comics aren't evil to begin with, but a shrink with that facial hair driving a sports car? No thanks.
As we dust ourselves off from certain Mayan-predicted death and prepare ourselves for the new year, let us learn a little somethin' somethin'.
From Amazing Spider-Man #165, which taught us that light shows...
... are just not that impressive in comic-book form. Maybe if I played Pink Floyd's The Wall at the same time I looked at these...
Car races, rock concerts, and now laser-light shows can be added to the short list of things that aren't made more awesome by comics. It's a very short list. Always assume comics will make things more awesome unless I tell you otherwise. It's a good rule for getting through life.
And as we go a'cruising into the new year, we should take a gander at a few of my faaaaavorite things that showed up on my radar since I went on hiatus.
Movie-wise was a HA-YOOJ year for comics-related movies, giving us The Avengers movie that we've been salivating over since that stinger at the end of the closing credits in the first Iron Man movie. And it was...
... well, it was fine.
It certainly delivered what it promised, and I didn't not like it. The final battle went on for about 20 minutes too long for me, but I think I'm at that point where special effects are best taken in small doses rather than a big showcase of them. Again, it was fine, but one viewing was enough for me. And I saw other movies in 2012 that I enjoyed more. In fact, let's call this segment:
MOVIES I ENJOYED MORE THAN THE AVENGERS
To be fair, I did not see The Amazing Spider-Man yet, so it's off the table. I did see Dark Knight Rises just last week and... well, it was okay. It wasn't nearly as good as the second and not quite as good as the first, so it's a shame to see the trilogy end with a whimper, but it was what it was. Seeing Batman fight in broad daylight probably did it in for me. Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter was a fun watch, but it wasn't my favorite of the lot this year. That honor goes to:
Fish Story
Yes, you may think I'm nuts, but this was one of the best-told stories I've ever seen. It made absolutely no sense until the final moments, and my mind was officially blown. Just watch it. Don't give me any back-talk. Just watch it.
And make sure you check out the awesome Super:
Rainn Wilson's best performance ever. Be advised that while this film does have it's funny moments, it's very bloody and intense. Apparently the director James Gunn does a lot of "splatter" films, and while this had its fair share of that, the movie also had a lot of heart. Check it out if you can handle the blood.
And, of course, this is the year we got Arrow:
Not that there's any competition, but if it had any competition, it would still be the best show of 2012. If you had told me twenty years ago that Green Arrow would get his own series, I would have lashed out at you with tears in my eyes screaming, "YOU LIE! WHY MUST YOU LIE?!" When the character appeared on Smallville I was impressed (and I liked that version of the character as well), but this rendition of Ollie, while not exactly faithful to the comics, continues to delight the fanboy in me. The Royal Flush Gang? Deadshot? We, as a species, are simply not worthy.
And before we move forward, let us take a look at my favorite comic series, Avengers Academy:
Someday, when I am given the fame I so richly deserve and have all the power and resources to do so, I'm going to take my favorite artist, Rags Morales, and have him draw a story written by my favorite writer, Christos Gage. And I'll probably let you read it as long as you wear plastic gloves. Will the two ever team up? I can dream.
There's nothing more impressive than coming up with a team of brand-new or B-list characters and giving them first-class treatment, but that's what Gage does. His Deadshot and Union Jack minis made me a Christos Gage fan, and Avengers Academy made me a Christos Gage fanboy. Sadly, the series was cancelled in November of this year after 40 issues.... but what a GREAT 40 issues they were.
I think that's about it. We'll get back to more head-scratchin' funnybookin' tomorrow! It'll be a great year! And if it isn't... well, it ain't like I'm charging for this.
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