The Superior Humor of the Inferior Five Monday!

At last! We've suffered through SuperPro, and we deserve a treat! So, it's time for the Showcase run of the Inferior Five!


The first issue basically introduced us to the main characters, who were the inept offspring of the Freedom Brigade, a poorly-disguised spoof of the Justice League. The premise behind the title was that the five of them perhaps on their best days were as effective as a normal super-hero. Today's panels are from Showcase #63, the second appearance of the Five. Once they got the origin issue out of the way, they took advantage of the shamefully-legal defense of "It's just a joke!" to make fun of what was going on over at Marvel. Thusly:


See? They gave an indirect jab at the Hulk by comparing this lookalike to the Jolly Green Giant. That's actually pretty slick. Then again, Marvel did stuff like that to DC all the time in their own humor title, Not Brand Ecch.

The Five tread an odd line between parody and comedy. The Five themselves weren't really parodies of anything, but the jabs at Marvel were certainly there. Like in this panel, where Some-Character-that-Looks-A-Lot-Like-the-Hulk gets his clock cleaned by Merryman:


See? It wasn't highbrow humor, to be sure, but it certainly answered the question of "What would it look like if Woody Allen knocked out the Hulk?"

And, as was quickly becoming tradition in Showcase, there was a plea for readers to voice their support:


Yes, the guy looks like Napoleon Bonaparte. That was a deliberate plot device.

The Five had three Showcase appearances, one of which we simply must look at tomorrow, and a title of their own that lasted 10 issues of original material and 2 issues of reprints. They very rarely show up here and there, including an appearance this month alongside Batman and the Legion of Substitute Heroes in Brave and the Bold #35!

See you tomorrow!

My Shield Goes WOOOOOOSH! Friday!

I'm speculating here, but I imagine that Marvel felt pressure to make SuperPro work. My guess is it was either due to contractual obligations or a desire to score as many football tickets as possible. But I'm sure the writing was on the wall as to how things were going, so it was time for a Very Special Guest Star! (tm!):


Look at the expression on Cap's face. Here, I'll give you a close-up:


This isn't happening! This isn't happening!


That's right, kids! Drugs are bad!

Then again, so is dog-fighting and domestic violence, but there you go.

I think these guys are real NFL people:


I guess someone thought they'd get a kick out of being in a comic book or something. I've never been in a comic book myself, but I think I'd rather not be in a comic than have my one and only comic book appearance be in an issue of SuperPro.

Oh, I almost forgot: Captain America is in this issue. Here's the gist of it, for you Captain America fans:


Does Captain America have fans? I can't imagine why. He reminds me of Superman - one of those guys whose heart is just a little too pure not to be obnoxious.

Oh, but I digress. Anyway, this is his big contribution to keeping SuperPro on the racks:


Yes, he threw his shield and jumped into view. Stan Lee and whoever owns the NFL thank you for your buck and a quarter, Captain America fans (whoever you are!)!

There was one great moment:


Yes, it's out of context. If this comes as a surprise, you must be a new reader. Welcome!


See what I mean? Don't you just want to slug that smug grin right off his face? I can't believe people like this guy.


Yeah, SuperPro, I think Cap just handed you an expired bus pass. There is no way you guys are hanging out. No. Freakin'. Way.

See you Monday!

Tape, Vinyl, Two Kinds o'Jelly and BBQ Chicken Thursday!

From Detective #267.

You young 'uns have probably heard how big and unwieldy things were before your fancy mp3 players and such, but I don't think you can really appreciate just how honking big things were.

Observe the tape player:




And the record player:



Yup. Records were big enough to stand on, and you could swing across a room using your average tape player. Even toting a Walkman around required renting a U-Haul. You kids today, what with your tiny music devices and canned sandwiches:



Hey, kids! Test your level of bigotry! (tm?)


I think just printing that chart was a little disturbing, but what do I know? Maybe I should have a can of sandwich and think about it.

See you tomorrow!

You Missed the Incredible NFL Man Wednesday!

Yes, it's SuperPro! The man who talks in logos:


Now what do you supposed that sounded like when he said it? Did he say "NFL SuperPro" or did he go with "SupNFLerPro"? Because if he said it like it read, it would be the latter.

SuperPro! He's here to punt some skulls!


Didn't know "punt!" was a sound effect, did you? Well, now you know.


That's right! You can't dodge justice, because justice has a very wide.... girth. When you see justice coming your way down an aisle at the grocery store, you might as well just turn your cart around and go the other way, because NO ONE CAN DODGE JUSTICE!


I guess someone was feeling like the NFL wasn't being whored out enough in this comic, so some people called him "NFL Man." It's stupid, but not much more stupid than "SuperPro."

Egad, this is terrible. It makes me think I was too hard on U.S.1 and Team America.

Believe it or not, the letters column was full of accolades as to how wonderful a series this was. I have no proof of this, but I think the editors made them up.

See you tomorrow!

Lean, Mean and Fully Trademarked Tuesday!

Look, no one is enjoying SuperPro, but if I have to read it, the least you can do is suffer the lowlights. We're all in this together.

From SuperPro #5:










I guess the message is to keep up with your studies or something. Stay in school, kids!

WOO-WOO-WOOO Monday!

For all of my athletic readers planning on participating in The Olympic Games of Space, know this....


... even outer-space creatures frown upon steroid use.

Hey! It's Kyle! Alias "The Clock":


I don't think he's any affiliation with the Clock King, who has been a mainstay villain in the DC Universe. It seems like every graphic novel I've picked up from the local library for the past few weeks have been re-tellings of Batman's first encounter with the Joker and I don't know how many more of those I can read before I actually start disliking the Joker character, so can we put a moratorium on that plot device? Give me a good retro-tale of The Clock, and I'll be impressed.

This is a common scenario that always bothers me a bit:


Seriously? You go to prison just to take jabs at the cons? That's kind of a dick move there, Bruce. You're just fostering negative perceptions these guys already have of law enforcement.

Here's a classic ad that our friend Robert Gillis pointed out I have yet to discuss:


Okay, for starters: Mr. Jones is a class-A jackhole. You don't narc to a kid's parents over something like that. You don't know what's going on in that kid's house, and you may be igniting verbally, emotionally, or physically abusive behavior upon Bobby there. Bobby apologized, so go on about your business.

And this product slays me. Can you imagine having every bike-riding kid in your neighborhood tooling up and down the streets with that freakin' siren blasting? That would lead to dogs barking, neighbors arguing, and.... well, let's face it: Gunplay is the inevitable result. I'm not surprised this didn't take off.

See you tomorrow!

You Never Get a Second Chance to Make a First Impression Friday!

Detective Comics #259 gives us our first appearance of Calendar Man. Calendar Man, as you might imagine, isn't exactly the most fearsome foe Batman ever faced. I'm pretty sure Kite Man has cleaned his clock more than once.

I think part of the problem is in choice of wardrobe:


Wow. Just.... wow. You've got to respect a guy willing to wear a unitard with daisies on it, but still.

Calendar Man focused on the seasons in his first appearance. That was spring. Because he's all blooming and such.

As summer, he was a bit more dignified:




But just when you think he might be salvageable, here comes autumn:


You'd think it couldn't get any worse.

Yeah, you'd think.

And here is the winter ensemble:




To his credit, the fire and the ice gimmicks were later incorporated into two core members of the Flash's Rogues Gallery: Captain Cold and Heatwave, who were smart enough not to incorporate daises or a carrot nose into their costumes.

Even out of costume, Calendar Man was lame. Beware the Instant-Unwrapping Turban!


Oh, no! Not the Instant-Unwrapping Turban! Anything but the Instant-Unwrapping Turban!

I'm really not sure what sort of weapon that was supposed to be. I mean, it looks like it would just collapse into a pile of cloth bandages. It's not exactly a cobra. I realize it didn't take a lot to stymie the Golden Age Batman, but even that is pretty anemic.

And yes, Jeph Loeb once tried valiantly to salvage the character by having him be the one to unravel a serial killer's motives in Batman: The Long Halloween. But for the most part, he's been relegated to comic relief for the past 50 years.

I blame the daisies.

See you Monday!