Because the Healthiest Relationships are Those Where You Have to Manipulate the Other Person Into It Monday!

Showcase v1 #10 gives you an idea of how hardcore game shows were in the 50's:


See that tank they put you in? Seems totally unnecessary, doesn't it? Well, I have it on good authority that if you didn't provide enough entertainment value, they would fill that tank with water and the audience could watch you re-enact the sinking of Atlantis.

Actually, I have no authority on that, but I'll bet I'm not the first person who considered it.




It seems to me like the "you have to get someone to marry you" element of the contest should have come up beforehand. I enjoy a good sucker-punch as much as the rest of them, but that's pretty rough. I do enjoy Lois' candor wherein she admits that she's a big loser in love on national television. It would be decades before we became a culture without shame, so she was really ahead of her time, Lois was.

The lesson, of course, is that a smart girl can never get a man. Hope you're paying attention, ladies!

See you tomorrow!

Batman: Love Machine Friday!

Let's take a look at Detective Comics #224:


I'm the first to say that most criminals aren't MENSA members, but check out the conclusion this guy draws:


Now, if I was fighting a guy and his clothing tore and some metal was exposed, I would think he was wearing some kind of body armor, which was actually the case here. Not this guy.... no, a much more plausible explanation is that Batman must be a robot!

You can see where this is going.


So, we have an advantage over criminals that they mistakenly believe I'm a robot, so I'm going to exploit this by making their mistaken impression true?

And when the heck did Batman and Robin learn how to build a working robot? It bothered me when Superboy did it, and it still bothers me now.


So, they not only built a robot, but they built one that can easily be controlled with a palm-sized device (in the 1950's, mind you, when the computer you're reading this on would take up an entire room). Mind you, this thing runs and punches and fights and everything, but the controls are simple enough that these goofs are able to pick it up and use it immediately. So, I guess your fancy Wii controller can just suck eggs, that's what!

The good thing about seeing Batman and Robin put something in the trophy case is that the odds are pretty good we won't be seeing it again:


Of course, I'm sure the Gotham City Bomb Squad or Fire Department would love to borrow a simple-to-control robot that can physically perform the same task as a human being, but then we would have an empty spot in our trophy case, wouldn't we?

Yikes. We'll start again on Monday!

Swinging from Drapes and Cracking Skulls Thursday!

We can pretty much give up any hope that I'll ever get tired of Madam Fatal. From Crack Comics #3!

So you may be wondering why no one ever saw through the ruse and realized that Madam Fatal was really a young guy cross-dressing as an elderly lady. I think it's because he had the old lady thing down pat. F'rinstance:


Old people don't take any crap. They'd just as soon whap you upside the head as look at you.

And never wear the same outfit as an old lady, unless that outfit includes head protection:


Old people love themselves some drapes. The mustier the better, old folks love drapes almost as much as cafeterias and coming to an unnecessary complete stop before making a right turn of any kind:


And old people know how to disarm an armed gunman. They just don't get a chance to show it off as often as they'd like:


But as is always the case, there was a slight flaw in Madam Fatal's act that would give him away to an observant evildoer:


Did you catch it? That's right - old people don't like movies, especially exciting ones. They like reruns of Gunsmoke if they're old men, and soap operas if they're women (which they like to call their "stories.").

And I hate it when they turn and give a sly look to the reader. There's no way the other people aren't noticing that. Then again, they might think it's just a weird old person thing, like humming loudly in public.

See you tomorrow!

Self-Indulgent Wednesday!

As Comics Make No Sense Facebook fans have already seen, Yours Truly has been collaborating with artist extraordinaire Gabe Ostley on a project we've tentatively entitled Victoire unless we come up with something better. As my pals, allow me to share with you the exact same thing we're submitting to the indies in hopes of picking up a mini-series try-out:










And there are still 14 pages to go in the first issue alone. Doesn't it just make you want to go right out and buy a copy??? But you can't! At least, not yet! But wish us luck as we make our pitch for our own place in comic history!

See you tomorrow!

Turns Out You CAN Startle a Fish Tuesday!

Here's where we see Adam just give up.


So now, the Black Condor can swim like a freakin' dolphin. And you know, if a person can learn to fly just by living with a bunch of birds, why wouldn't those skills translate under water?

Oh, comics, why must you test my love for you?

I shall become a creature of the night. I shall become... a bat!

A bat who fights crime with over-sized candy canes.......


and big ol' tubs o' taffy:


Hey, those batarangs aren't cheap, and you don't always get them back! You've got to save a buck or two whenever you can.

Yes, I know it wasn't really Bruce under the cowl at that particular moment, but you know that was something he would have done back then. Don't act like it matters, because we both know it doesn't.

That was from Detective Comics #222, by the way.

See you tomorrow!

Finger-Lickin' Dead Monday!

Captain Triumph was rarely an interesting read, largely because he didn't have any interesting foes. But then came Crack Comics #61:


Mr. Pointer was all kinds of awesome. Why? Because as we've discussed before, it's hilarious when a villain puts the hurt on you by pointing his finger:


Yes, Biff. It's very important that you catch the dead person before they bump their head on the ground or something.

The act of killing someone by pointing at them was never actually called "Giving them the finger," but you know it came up during an editorial meeting and was quite a riot. I still assert that whenever someone's power is based on pointing a finger, it should be the middle finger. Can you just imagine how hilarious that would be? I know you're using your own middle finger as a gun right now and giggling. Don't pretend you aren't.

Hey, kids! Learn to play the preferred instrument of hobos and early 20th Century convicts everywhere!:


"Learn the joy of sweet mouth-organ music by tonight!" Oh, my. Oh, my my my.

See you tomorrow!

It's THROBBING! Friday!

From Detective Comics #210:


Why is everyone standing so close together? It doesn't show it, but I'm pretty certain that they had to have their arms wrapped around each other in an inappropriately intimate way to get that close. And they're yelling in unison, which is always fun.

Guys named "Brain" are generally not a very interesting character, but at least this guy had uniforms:


I'm not sure about that insignia. The outline of a brain looks kind of like a butt since he didn't draw in all those little squiggly things. Don't take short cuts, kids! Take some pride in your work, or you'll end up in obscurity like "Brain" Hobson.

And how did someone's jumpsuit get "pulled off" in a tussle? That just doesn't seem possible, unless the K-9 unit was just left to his own devices, in which case I would expect the thing to be shredded and smelling of urine and feces. Something just doesn't add up.

Hey! It's time for Fun with Out of Context Dialogue!(tm!):



See you Monday!