Don't Hang On to Them Friday!

Here's a head-scratcher from Detective Comics #115:

Okay, first we're having hand grenades thrown at us:







Next, they're shooting at us:





And then, Batman just lets everyone leave:



If someone throws hand grenades and starts shooting at me, you had better believe no one is walking away if I have anything to say about it. I don't care whose idea it was, if you throw a hand grenade at my face, you and I now have issues.

And have you ever noticed that thugs from the Golden Age almost always wear lilac-colored suits? Represent!

Oy! See you Monday!

Dis Is Poipetual Motion Thursday!

You had to have high hopes for The Four Comrades. They were yet another all boy team, much like the Newsboy Legion, the Young Allies, and N'Sync. They appeared for (if you can believe this) twenty issues of Startling Comics. Then again, when your lead-off character is The Fighting Yank, I suppose it's not that tough to make the junior varsity squad at that particular high school, if you know what I mean (and I think you do).


What I find particularly annoying about reading a Four Comrades story is that you can never tell who is who. Everyone wears the exact same costume with no deviation whatsoever. I realize the Comrade on the left was wearing yellow shorts while everyone else was wearing red, but that was simply a printing error. The idea was that all four of them had to look exactly the same. I would think the purpose would be extra caution of protecting one's secret identity, but they all called each other by their real first names whether they were in costume or not.


Like most characters in Startling Comics, the copyright holders didn't renew their rights, so they reappeared in 2003's Terra Obscura, which is something I'll certainly be reading soon. Considering how most revivals of characters go, I'm sure at least one of them died in a cocaine-infused murder-suicide pact, but I'll pick it up somewhere and find out for certain some day.

Or maybe I won't. I'm not at all sure I care. I'll tell you about whom I would like an update: Black Satan, their first foe:


Isn't he awesome? These boys are knocking the snot out of a bunch of grown men, and all Black Satan has to do is show up, whack one of them upside and say, "You boys stop that! Don't make me go in there!" He's like that uncle everyone has that you just don't cross.




See? What did I just say? You don't give a guy who calls himself "Black Satan" a bunch of static. You just step aside, brother. Just step aside.

See you tomorrow!

Fear the Fighting Yank Wednesday!

I want you to know that this is an only slightly edited sequence from The Fighting Yank story in Startling Comics #34:








The only thing I took out were panels where he was chasing the guys. Every time he actually caught up with them, he got his ass kicked. That. Was. Awesome!

See you tomorrow!

Robin, You Go On Up Ahead and Report Back to Me! Tuesday!

Detective Comics: The Adventures of Batman, the Caped Crusader....


.... and Robin, Batman's Human Shield.

Don't worry, Judge Logan. You're in safe hands. The Phantom would never try anything with Robin and me here to...


.... well, crap.

Here's a lesson all of us comic book nerds learned at one time or another:


a) Never blind trade, and
b) It's always a risk to trade comics with girls. Girls like crappy things. How else do you explain Sex and the City and Twilight?

See you tomorrow!

You Aren't Big Enough to Fight, So I'll Spank You Instead! Monday!

I have a terrible time following plots. I shun most fantasy, suspense and science fiction movies and comics simply because I'm not intelligent enough to follow them.

Even the occasional super-villain plot is over my head:


Okay, it's a combined hippo and crocodile. I get that. And it's bitchin', so don't get me wrong.

What I don't understand is how the existence or presence of these animals is going to "demoralize the whole country."

Mr. President!

What is it?

Someone has found a way to create a hippo/crocodile hybrid!

That's it! Notify the Axis that we will be surrendering unconditionally! They have simply blown my mind to the point where I can fight no longer!

Agreed, Mr. President. Pearl Harbor was one thing.... but this! There's only so much the American people can endure....

But there are a couple of things you can say about Captain Future: He wears very short pants.....


..... and he didn't make plans on being eaten by a hippo/croc hybrid. Then again, I don't know who would make those kinds of plans.

Hey! Someone's getting spanked!


Well, that was a little disturbing. We'll start over again tomorrow.

No Woman Should Waste Her Time on a Weakling Friday!

It's a hap-hap-happy day when I find myself with a copy of Startling Comics! They aren't particularly startling, but they are loaded with Golden Age goodness!

Let's take a look at Startling Comics #10, which had the first appearance of the unfortunately-named Fighting Yank! No, not that kind of yank, ya perverts! We're talking about those who stood up in our country's early days to create a land where all white landowners were created equal.

Apparently, it's not cool to look like your ancestors. Which means most of us are screwed, especially poor Bruce Carter:


But a ghost of your ancestor coming out of his own portrait? Well, I think Joan should have stuck around for that one.

Anyhoo, the ghost tells Bruce to go do stuff, and Bruce does:


I'm sure that cloak was all kinds of springtime fresh. But you should always do what a ghost tells you to do, because the odds are pretty good you're going to get super-powers out of the deal. This is what happened to Bruce, who said he felt like he had "T.N.T" in his veins. I'm not certain Bruce could have passed a urinalysis test at this point, but he seemed pretty excited.

Naturally, he had to dress in a tri-corner hat:


Man, it took a long time for Joan to get out of Bruce's driveway, didn't it? He had enough time to go up to the attic, find the secret room, open the trunk, put on the cloak, get all wound up about it, and put together that awful outfit. Granted, that's about as quickly as my Beloved moves when I'm trying to go anywhere with her, but it seemed like she should have had more hitch in her giddy-up.

Go get 'em, Yank!:


Of course, Bruce just tore a man-sized hole in his own Sheetrock. Note to self: When making a dramatic entrance, consider the damage that will be done to one's own home before taking action.

I would be remiss if I didn't point out the similarities the Fighting Yank had with a Marvel Comics character who debuted in March of 1977. See if you spot any similarities between the Fighting Yank and the Spirit of '76:




I must also point out that, like the Fighting Yank, the Spirit of '76's cloak was bulletproof. Although based on this picture from Invaders #14, from whence he first appeared, '76 should have been mortally wounded since he was taking chest shots with his protective cloak flapping ineffectively behind him.

But this post is about the Fighting Yank, not the Spirit of '76. Although if we were talking about the Spirit of '76, I would play this bitchin' song from the Alarm's 1985 album Strength in the background:



They just don't make real music anymore. I know I sound old, but the truth is what it is.

Anyway, back to the Fighting Yank.

He wasn't particularly cool, although his revival in Project: Superpowers upped his Awesome Quotient. But his supporting cast was exceptional. For starters, his designated ungrateful bitch love interest wasn't a complete moron:


And apparently, we could look forward to the appearance of his ancestor's corpse when things got dull:




You and I both know that it would have been a much better read if it had just been the corpse going around killing Nazis, but you can only inflict too much awesomeness on the public at one time or they'll start writing angry letters.

See you Monday!

Unfortunate Crotch-Level Fire Hose Placement Thursday!

Sometimes, you just have to wonder if anyone making the comic was paying attention at all:


No one? No one saw the position of that hose and nozzle and said, "You know what that sorta looks like?"

Hey! It's time for Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!):


This is why Batman never had a long-term relationship with a woman.

Note that the above panel came from Detective Comics #97. Check out this one from the very next issue:


It was much more common back in the day for artists to copy their own previous work to meet the deadline, but it takes a particular lack of shame to do it in back-to-back issues. But then again, what were you going to do? Take them to court and try to get your dime back?

I actually like the way the two panels flow into each other. "I do it with my fist! Like it?" That makes a sort of Mega-Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (mega-tm!)

See you tomorrow!