Detective Comics: The Adventures of Batman, the Caped Crusader....
.... and Robin, Batman's Human Shield.
Don't worry, Judge Logan. You're in safe hands. The Phantom would never try anything with Robin and me here to...
.... well, crap.
Here's a lesson all of us comic book nerds learned at one time or another:
a) Never blind trade, and b) It's always a risk to trade comics with girls. Girls like crappy things. How else do you explain Sex and the City and Twilight?
I have a terrible time following plots. I shun most fantasy, suspense and science fiction movies and comics simply because I'm not intelligent enough to follow them.
Even the occasional super-villain plot is over my head:
Okay, it's a combined hippo and crocodile. I get that. And it's bitchin', so don't get me wrong.
What I don't understand is how the existence or presence of these animals is going to "demoralize the whole country."
Mr. President!
What is it?
Someone has found a way to create a hippo/crocodile hybrid!
That's it! Notify the Axis that we will be surrendering unconditionally! They have simply blown my mind to the point where I can fight no longer!
Agreed, Mr. President. Pearl Harbor was one thing.... but this! There's only so much the American people can endure....
But there are a couple of things you can say about Captain Future: He wears very short pants.....
..... and he didn't make plans on being eaten by a hippo/croc hybrid. Then again, I don't know who would make those kinds of plans.
Hey! Someone's getting spanked!
Well, that was a little disturbing. We'll start over again tomorrow.
It's a hap-hap-happy day when I find myself with a copy of Startling Comics! They aren't particularly startling, but they are loaded with Golden Age goodness!
Let's take a look at Startling Comics #10, which had the first appearance of the unfortunately-named Fighting Yank! No, not that kind of yank, ya perverts! We're talking about those who stood up in our country's early days to create a land where all white landowners were created equal.
Apparently, it's not cool to look like your ancestors. Which means most of us are screwed, especially poor Bruce Carter:
But a ghost of your ancestor coming out of his own portrait? Well, I think Joan should have stuck around for that one.
Anyhoo, the ghost tells Bruce to go do stuff, and Bruce does:
I'm sure that cloak was all kinds of springtime fresh. But you should always do what a ghost tells you to do, because the odds are pretty good you're going to get super-powers out of the deal. This is what happened to Bruce, who said he felt like he had "T.N.T" in his veins. I'm not certain Bruce could have passed a urinalysis test at this point, but he seemed pretty excited.
Naturally, he had to dress in a tri-corner hat:
Man, it took a long time for Joan to get out of Bruce's driveway, didn't it? He had enough time to go up to the attic, find the secret room, open the trunk, put on the cloak, get all wound up about it, and put together that awful outfit. Granted, that's about as quickly as my Beloved moves when I'm trying to go anywhere with her, but it seemed like she should have had more hitch in her giddy-up.
Go get 'em, Yank!:
Of course, Bruce just tore a man-sized hole in his own Sheetrock. Note to self: When making a dramatic entrance, consider the damage that will be done to one's own home before taking action.
I would be remiss if I didn't point out the similarities the Fighting Yank had with a Marvel Comics character who debuted in March of 1977. See if you spot any similarities between the Fighting Yank and the Spirit of '76:
I must also point out that, like the Fighting Yank, the Spirit of '76's cloak was bulletproof. Although based on this picture from Invaders #14, from whence he first appeared, '76 should have been mortally wounded since he was taking chest shots with his protective cloak flapping ineffectively behind him.
But this post is about the Fighting Yank, not the Spirit of '76. Although if we were talking about the Spirit of '76, I would play this bitchin' song from the Alarm's 1985 album Strength in the background:
They just don't make real music anymore. I know I sound old, but the truth is what it is.
Anyway, back to the Fighting Yank.
He wasn't particularly cool, although his revival in Project: Superpowers upped his Awesome Quotient. But his supporting cast was exceptional. For starters, his designated ungrateful bitch love interest wasn't a complete moron:
And apparently, we could look forward to the appearance of his ancestor's corpse when things got dull:
You and I both know that it would have been a much better read if it had just been the corpse going around killing Nazis, but you can only inflict too much awesomeness on the public at one time or they'll start writing angry letters.
Sometimes, you just have to wonder if anyone making the comic was paying attention at all:
No one? No one saw the position of that hose and nozzle and said, "You know what that sorta looks like?"
Hey! It's time for Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!):
This is why Batman never had a long-term relationship with a woman.
Note that the above panel came from Detective Comics #97. Check out this one from the very next issue:
It was much more common back in the day for artists to copy their own previous work to meet the deadline, but it takes a particular lack of shame to do it in back-to-back issues. But then again, what were you going to do? Take them to court and try to get your dime back?
I actually like the way the two panels flow into each other. "I do it with my fist! Like it?" That makes a sort of Mega-Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (mega-tm!)
Here's a showcase of Silver Age stupidity from contributor Robert Gillis from Superboy #106:
It doesn't take a lot of knowledge of the back story to see what's going on here. Superman, as a baby, is scanning the entire universe for the Earth. Not only does he find it, but
(a) He just happens to see his future-but-n0t-yet-foster father at a bowling alley; (b) He is somehow able to hear what is being said. I realize he has super-hearing and all that rot, but how can he focus his hearing like that?; (c) That's a weird thing for his Pa Kent's bowling partner to say, don't you think? I mean, who is he talking to that he feels the need for such expository dialogue?
Ugh! All the silliness of the Silver Age, in two short panels.
And the reaction of Ma and Pa Kent to this silliness doesn't help, either: You say you were not only able to find Earth in all the universe, but you happened to pick Smallville Kansas out of all the Earth as the place for you to look at and out of all of Smallville, you just happened to pick out your father while he was bowling? Sounds reasonable.
Eeesh. Someone give me a Moment of Comic Book Greatness (tm!) to get that out of my mind:
Yeah! Booster Gold v2 #15, where two of the worst-named yet successful heroes ever meet each other and criticize one another's terrible code names. That's awesome! Geoff Johns may one day have a blog as bitchin' as mine if he plays his cards right....
Back in the day, I think the folks who made comics underestimated just how pathetic enthusiastic fanboys were going to be about comics. They wrote self-contained stories that generally didn't require much knowledge about what had gone on the previous fifty issues in order to understand what was going on. They probably assumed that comics were for children and as such, continuity didn't really matter.
That being said, remember this post I did on Batman's Badge? That was from Detective Comics #70.
The following is from Detective Comics #95:
Yes, two years after Batman is shown with the badge, he is awarded the badge.
As a child, that would have driven me bananas.
Oh, but it doesn't end there:
Of course, that's exactly what he did the last time we saw that stupid badge.
In theory, I don't begrudge anyone for going to a previous method. I'm the guy who will use the same weapon in a video game over and over simply because I don't argue with success. But doesn't this seem like cheating just a bit?
Okay, no. I've seen it twice already, and I already made fun of it the first time. Although I did like the twist of him wearing the badge over his insignia. I like my brooding, obsessed vigilantes to have a bit of sparkle to them.
This site supports itself. Time and materials needed to bring you the laughs is a labor of love from me to you. However, there are a countless number of innocent souls out there who do need your support. Find your nearest Animal Rescue group with this link and dontate your time, money and love to them. Thanks!
This site will consider reviewing any comic book-related media, including (but not limited to) graphic novels, television programs, movies, music, PC software, banana bread and video games. However, no compensation of any kind will be expected or accepted.
Please contact comicsmakenosense (at) gmail (dot) com for submission guidelines. I reserve the right to say anything I dang well please (or nothing at all) about anything. If you don't like it, start your own blog. I'm certainly not stopping you.
Posts
