Perfectly Valid Questions Wednesday!

Here we have some interesting debate, Daredevil-style:


The skin-tightness of DD's costume notwithstanding, I would take it one step further: If you're going to kill a guy anyway, why not go scavenging after he's dead so you don't end up getting your neck snapped or something? Not to be cold about this, but it seems like robbing someone then killing them is unnecessary and probably results in some seriously bad karma.

Also, why don't superheroes carry money with them? I find myself needing a fiver every once in a while, and I tend to keep to myself. I certainly don't find myself amidst the drama your average caped co-dependant seems to cultivate.

Anyway, remember what I said about how you should probably kill a guy before you do anything else to him if that's the ultimate plan, anyway? Check it out:


See? What did I just say?
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Organized crime will have to make us their leader if we defeat Daredevil! I like DD as much as the next guy, but I don't think taking him out makes you much of a badass.

Can't you just imagine how the meeting of organized crime lords would have gone if the Marauder had been successful?

You dare not challenge my leadership, for I have defeated a super-hero!

Really? Which one?

Daredevil!

Daredevil? The acrobat who throws that stick thing?

It's called a billy club... and yes.

So, if the Avengers, the Fantastic Four, Spider-Man or Luke Cage come busting down our door, you're going to scare them off because you beat Daredevil?

Of course! It's stands to reason, doesn't it?

The guy who jumps around and throws the stick.

It's a billy club, damn you! You aren't even trying to take me seriously!
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And now, for your viewing pleasure:


.... a random shot of Superboy using his x-ray vision to see through another guy's pants.

You're Good Enough, You're Smart Enough, and Everybody Likes You Tuesday

In a bizarre moment in history, Adolph Hitler, John Dillinger, and Nero are "propositioned" by another man....

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To be fair, Saturn Girl, you did take Matter-Eater Lad and later you would take Dream Girl. Is this guy really so useless?
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The Giant Mechanical Owl, whose primary ability is to silence you like a junior high school librarian. Nice sound effect - from the guys who brought you "ZIT!"

Dreamy Monday!

Character Hall of Shame: Dream Girl

Is there a pre-adolescent boy out there who wouldn't be embarrassed to be caught reading a Legion comic if Dream Girl was in it?


Smiling at the boys while they check her out. Women have come a long way by the 30th Century!

Check out her awesome super-power in action:


Get it? She sleeps. You just bought a comic so you could watch someone sleep. Next month, they'll give you footage of a guy mowing his lawn.

She was supposed to be a guest star, but they brought her back for some reason. They probably did it because she was easy to draw. I mean, she sleeps. A lot. Has Black Adam killed her yet? And if not, why not?

And hey, Star Boy.... where you planning on putting that finger?
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I will find what I'm after....

I forgot what he was after, but I'm guessing it was a pair of pants? Nice outfit.
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This is a bonus because I'm not 100% sure it's real. If it is real, though.... that's the most awesome name since Forrest G. Knuckles....

Cinemascope Friday!

Finishing up with some stuff in comics-related media you might'a missed, but shouldn't'a . . . .

The original Swamp Thing Movie:


Never has a rubber suit been so much fun.

The Spirit:


Yup.... there was one. It aired once on tv that I know of, and starred Sam Jones, who was also Flash Gordon in the movie of the same name in the 80's. He had the look of a superguy, but just never seemed to find the right part. Anyway, this project reflected the fun of the comic.

Birds of Prey tv show:


Yeah, I know. I like the comic, I liked the tv show. Bite me.

The Constantine Video Game:


I haven't seen the movie yet, although it's in my DVD player right now. But if you haven't played the video game because video games based on movies almost always suck, this is the exception. It was a fun, creepy time worth playing to the end.

Spider-Man on The Electric Company:

By popular demand, Spider-Man on the Electric Company. This was brilliant marketing by Marvel, because I and tons of kids like me were introduced to the character this way. For the first time, I thought there might be life beyond Batman and Captain Marvel.

The Human Target tv show:


The maker of the Flash tv show I raved about put this one together, and it was great. Rick Springfield, from that point on, became cool in my eyes for life.

The Smallville version of the Justice League:


The "Justice League" episode of Smallville is the only one I've seen. It rocked. I wish they'd run with it.

In 1998, there was a not-half-bad-considering TV movie of Nick Fury, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. Considering I normally can only stand the Ultimate version of the character, David Hasselhoff and crew must have done a pretty good job because I've seen it more than once.




Unfortunately, I can't find any clips, so here's Hasselhoff drunk:



The Generation X Tv pilot movie:

Generation X didn't go over with fans of the comic because of budget limitations and *ahem*... creative liberties from the source material. But, if you can watch this TV movie for what it was, this was actually a decent effort.



(A) it had Banshee, and (B) it had Max Headroom's Matt Frewer as a gleefully evil dude. Beloved and I enjoyed it. So there.


You can't miss out on Japanese Spider-Man!



And the greatest thing ever.....

that issue of Adventure Comics where Superboy had Hitler's brain:

Stuff You Can't Miss Thursday!

I'm gonna digress a bit more, and share with you some stuff I haven't seen, but I'd love to:


This is an ultra-rare promo shot of a proposed Black Widow / Daredevil TV series from the 1970's that never got off the ground. DD looks awful, and I can't stand the Widow as a character, but I still wish this had seen the light of day.


You'd buy a ticket to see Batman Fights Dracula. Don't try and tell me you wouldn't. Yes, this was a real film from 1967 in the Philippines.

Some Golden Age Serials:


Spy Smasher.... I can't even find a clip of this one, but I'd love to see it.


With the addition of Congorilla to the next Justice League re-boot (gee, has it been three weeks already?), this is an interesting conversation piece. Near as I can tell, though, you only get Congo Bill. No gorilla.


The original Vigilante, complete with Stuff! Stuff was a teenaged sidekick who had to do a lot of errands - he was somewhere on the usefulness meter between Tonto and Alfred.

The East Indian Superman Movie:

I wish I could tell you that all Indian films didn't have a scene like this in them.

I wish I could tell you that.

Captain Marvel, circa 1941:


Caminhos do Coraco:

Near as I can tell, it's a Heroes-type show from Brazil. If this is ever dubbed, someone let me know.

KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park:

This was a TV Movie back in 1978 when Marvel Comics put out a KISS Treasury Edition-Size book. I want to watch this, and I've had the opportunity, but I just can't make it through. KISS hates that it exists, so I can't let it go, but watching the whole thing? Can't do it.

So, there you have it.... If you've seen any of these, let me know if they're worth tracking down.

Tomorrow, I complete the Trilogy with a list of good stuff I have seen that you might have missed!

Then, back to the silly panels...

Ultra-Special Movietime Wednesday!

Okay, I didn't do a special "April Fool's Day" edition, but this is largely because I just didn't wanna.

But to make it up to you, my lovelies, here is an extra-special edition of CMNS.

I just read Entertainment Weekly's "Worst Superhero Movies" list, and I've gotta tell you, folks are just spoiled (or as I like to say, "spoilt"). Nicholas Cage as Ghost Rider, Ben Affleck as Daredevil, Alec Baldwin as the Shadow, Billy Zane as the Phantom.... I don't know how to break it to you guys, but I enjoyed each and every one of these. Yes, even the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.

Maybe what the staff of EW could use from us old-timers is what we used to have to satisfy our dreams of seeing our favorite heroes in live action. And you know what? I don't even have to touch Adam West as Batman to prove my point:

I barely have to go back a decade to give you a glimpse of the Justice League of America tv pilot:



Aren't they something? My favorite part is J'Onn J'Onzz played by David Ogden Stiers, the guy who played Charles Emmerson Winchester on M*A*S*H. As we all know, J'Onn usually goes around shirtless, but we were mercifully spared checking out Stiers' physique. I kept hoping this unaired pilot would be some underrated gem, like Ron Ely as Doc Savage or the Bill Bixby / Lou Ferrigno "Incredible Hulk" TV series. It wasn't.
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The Wrong Way to do a super-hero television show:


The next person to bitch about the Spider-Man movie franchise gets a kick in the kidneys, because this was the best action shot I could find from the entire Nicholas Hammond Spider-Man tv series from the 70's. Yup. Spidey kicking a guy in the tuckas was the highlight of all the episodes.

Now, I will tell you, Nicholas Hammond (who was one of the children in The Sound of Music movie with Julie Andrews) was a pretty good Peter Parker (although a little long in the tooth). Sadly, the stuff becomes unwatchable after Spider-Man appears, which is never a good sign. Also, as a fanboy, it committed the cardinal sin of super-hero cinema: Not a super-villain from the comics to be seen.

The right way to a super-hero tv show:


Compare this to the Flash show of the 80's, which had live-action versions of Captain Cold, the Mirror Master and the Trickster from the comics. I watched the entire run of the Flash recently and actually enjoyed it more now than I did back in the day. For some reason, when the Flash was originally aired, I couldn't forgive Barry Allen as a brunette and red boots instead of yellow. So I can admit to my own hyper-sensitive fanboy moments, but I outgrew them. The Flash tv show is on DVD, and well worth it.
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It's no secret I loves me some Captain Marvel, and I wanted desperately to like this show, but even at the age of nine, I knew this blew. Again, no villains from the comics (how hard would it be to dress up a guy like Dr. Sivana?), condescending plots, and Cap's powers were totally undercut (ie, a guy who trades punches with Superman in the comics strains to break a chain keeping a fence locked). And Billy drives around with an elderly guy in an RV. I wish I was kidding. Hopefully, the upcoming movie will return some much needed cred.
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And how can we forget the live-action rendition of the Superfriends cartoon (you know, the one where they had to substitute the word "destroy" for "kill" and no one was allowed to throw a punch). On the one hand, it was the first time we had ever seen Green Lantern or the Flash live, so fanboys around the world wanted it to be better than it was. But just as we learned that it was a bad thing for a girl to say she really liked you as a friend, disappointment ravaged our souls.
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Forget the movie with J.D. Sallinger's kid - check out Evel Kinevel Captain America of the 70's!
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I'm going to go out on a limb and say I didn't hate the George/Ahnold Batman & Robin movie, because I'm old enough to know what hardships my ancestors endured.

So, there you have it. Now, quit yer fussin'.

Dirty, Dirty Tuesday!

Just to vex foldedsoup, who usually makes funnier jokes out of my posts than I did, I give you a post that is nothing but dialogue (and perfectly filthy out of context). If 'soup can figure out a way to tinker with *that* without violating Blogger's terms of service, I'm sure we'll all be impressed by how much time he must truly have on his hands....
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Matt (Daredevil) Murdock plots stalking his secretary. Is anyone besides me hearing a creepy version of "Every Breath You Take" playing in the background?
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Hey, kids! Experience the magic and wonder of obtaining a municipal permit! Next week: How to properly employ the doctrine of promissory estoppel in contract disputes!