Super-Feminism Tuesday!

In honor of our first potential woman President (get out and vote, by the way), here are some great contributions from sPat showing us that "they've come a long way, baby."


That's swell reasoning. Oh, no you don't! You won't die until you've sat out a prison sentence in a jail cel! After the completion of your State-imposed incarceration, I suppose you are free to die. I may even be obliged to kill you. We'll see what the Supreme Court says.

It's not like I know anything about the law, but I think Luthor's life-term sentence ended when he died (hence the term). Unless you can get a fresh sentence on Luthor for something he commits after you bring him back to life, I think he can give you the finger and walk away.
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I.... have no idea what he just said. But everyone sure is yellow!
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Yer durn tootin' you'd rather rely on your husband than yourself. Now go fix me some samitches!

Superboy Goes Green!

I have now joined the legions of Guitar Hero players. I'm neglecting my friends and family, but can play "Ziggy Stardust" at 97% accuracy. So, while I become the greatest 40 year-old shredder who ever played the game, let's check out some of sPat's contributions:


I admit, I stared at this a while trying to process it. I don't think all the cheating in the world is going to help our hero figure out the capital of Paris or London....

This is why American kids suck at geography. It's the edjumacational system.
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Yeah, it's perfectly okay to destroy a forest as long as no people will miss it. Screw the wildlife that lived there!
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I hereby sentence you of being a whale trespassing in the ocean where people want to go boating! The pentalty is apparently death....

Book-Learnin' Through Comics!

Alright, you rapscallions! Just because it's Friday, it don't mean there ain't time left for some bona fide book-learnin' before'n the weekend! Courtesy of contributor sPat:


It's well established that I have no real intelligence of any practical application, but I'm pretty sure that Superboy did his research on Wikipedia.com .
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Hey, let's check out the future! Wow, lookit all we accomplish by 1997! Of course, we didn't accomplish any of these things, but we had invented the "Baby on Board" sign and given the world Captain Caveman and the Teenangels by then.
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Pesky, savage Native Americans. Yeah, good thing Geronimo wasn't able to repel invading forces from his homeland. That would have been a disaster in the eyes of God, I'm sure.

Big Pimpin' Thursday!

Maybe it's just me, but look at this picture of the upcoming Wonder Woman figure that Mike pointed out from the latest issue of Previews, one of but many fine publications I never bother to read:

Okay, now that you've seen it, help me out here. Is it the angle, or is she basically stradling that skirt? I mean, it seems to go right between her legs up front and then goes out the back. There's really not a whole lot of "skirtage" going on there. Is this some sort of Amazonian tampon device of which I'm not familiar? And hello to everyone who found this site by Googling "Amazonian tampon device!"

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Superboy - always the pimp.

And, by the way, if a chick ever comes after you with a tennis racket, it's probably time to re-evaluate how healthy the relationship truly is. The fact that she can't hurt you is irrelevant. The fact that she has it in her to whack you with a tennis racket (or baseball bat, or croquet mallet, or even a shuttlecock (hi again, Googlers!) ) tells you this might not be the best girl for you.

Can't blame the girls, though. Chicks love a man who knows how to handle his wood:


Thank you, thank you! I'll be here all week! Try the fish and tip your waitress!

I especially groove on the chorus of chicks sighing in unison. That was what constituted girl-on-girl action back in the day...
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Wow, Lois. That's some inner monologue you've got going there. Lots of detail and such.

Lois strikes me as one of those folks you never ask questions because you know the answer will be longer than a Pink Floyd guitar solo. Can you imagine what she'll be like when she's elderly?

"Miss Lane, did you want peas or carrots with lunch today?"

"You know, I'm used to having peas and carrots as one dish. Sometimes, I get a little of both and mix them together if they aren't mixed already. I don't know when they quit packaging peas and carrots together. Maybe that's what they call 'mixed vegetables,' with the addition of corn, green beans, and limas. Some folks call lima beans 'Great Northern Beans.' They also started calling prunes 'Dried Plums,' because people didn't like the sound of 'prunes.' I can also recall when cereals had sugar in their title, like Kellog's Sugar Frosted Flakes and Super Sugar Crisp and Sugar Smacks. They didn't change the recipe, just the name. Like when Kentucky Fried Chicken changed their name to KFC. You wouldn't think they'd fool anyone, but sure enough, this generation thinks of them as KFC. I like my fuzzy slippers."

There is no cure.....

Word to the Wise Wednesday!

I know I make a lot of stupid jokes around here, and I'm usually proud of that. I don't see what's wrong with giving people a chuckle every day, and if that's all I'm ever known for, I think that's a life well spent.

But, folks, hear me now. If you remember nothing I ever put in this column, remember this: No matter who you are, no matter what your personal beliefs, no matter how wealthy or powerful you might be -


.... don't f*ck with Krypto.

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What the heck? Were children smoking pipes in 1959? What's up with that?

And why is there a "no smoking" sign outdoors? What kind of America did we have going on back then? No wonder I don't understand most of what my grandfather says....

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Oh, Roy, you never truly get over your first love, do you? But this can be a real growth experience if you channel that angst into something positive....



.... oh. Never mind.

Canine-Crazy Tuesday!

Because dogs rock!


This was an acquired taste. At first, my eyes rolled into the back of my head at just how silly this story had become. A giant Krypto with space rabies. Because we all know dogs normally get rabies from radiation exposure, so it only makes sense that Krypto would get rabies, only more so. Right? Right?

But then I re-read the first panel. Come here, Krypto, so that I might discipline you! Uh... Krypto? Why are you growling at me with your jaws wide open? It's the total "oh sh!t" thing going on there that actually makes this one of my favorite panel sequences, ever.

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I have a few questions:

How do you chemically treat fabric to make it freakin' bulletproof?

Is it even necessary to make it bulletproof? I mean, Krypto's already bulletproof, so I'm not sure what the point is here?

What the heck is Pa Kent doing with big straps of leather in his store? There's only one kind of store I can think of that sells those, and I'm surprised they didn't have an ordinance against it in 1930's Smallville, Kansas.

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Interesting fact you can use to impress your friends: Superboy is apparently a dog himself. Thanks to contributor sPat for pointing that out!

Surreal Superboy Monday!

Here's a trifecta of Superboy weirdness courtesy of contributor sPat!


Yes, folks. Superboy is bending light itself. Remember when Johnny Storm made a "heat mirage" by making a bundle of dynamite appear that was really 100 feet underground? Same principle. Could totally happen. At least, that's what I'll tell my brother-in-law, right after I tell him how wrong he is in a diagnosis because it completely conflicts with something I saw on House. It's fun to watch smart people get migraines from stupidity.

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Two Questions: Is this supposed to be the real Johnny Carson? And what was he doing with those glasses in the locker room?

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This explains so much about Superman....