Awesomeness, thy name is Dial H for Hero....

Today's entry is brought to you by Captain Action, the toy that gave Aquaman a fanny pack. And why is Flash Gordon holding a squeegee? Maybe he should trade with Aquaman?
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Dr. Rigoro Mortis vs. Whosis, Whatsis and Howsis. If this story isn't in the Smithsonian, to whom do I need to write letters?

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You know the situation is dire when someone mutters, "Double Sockamagee!"

Children are Already Smarter than I am....

I read this panel 6 times trying to figure out what this kid wants for his birthday. "Emenee" is the brand name, but what the heck is a thermo/craft workshop?

I don't know how I'd react if my kid asked for this. On the one hand, it sounds expensive and could quite possibly be used to make meth. On the other hand, if my kid were smart enough to ask for one it would probably pay for itself, particularly if it were used to make meth.
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I love the Silver Age. There's a one-eyed monster guy, liquid flying everywhere, and no one is supposed to think anything dirty.


Yeah, okay, they're water pellets. I don't know that water pellets are anything worth getting all spastic over, either. It ain't like you're packing Thor's hammer there, pally. My idea was a little gross, but the truth isn't anything worth waking grandma up from her nap over either, know what I mean?

But thank you for clarifying that.

Greatest Cover in the History of Comics!

First, if you haven't seen the Batman movie from 1966, go rent it or something. If not, you will apparently hate yourself:


I'm not sure if that situation still applies forty years later, but why take chances? Wow, no pressure there. Your self-opinion hinges on you seeing this movie! They don't give me incentives like that to watch stuff these days. Maybe if they threatened me with Irritable Bowel Syndrome, I would watch Spawn. No, I can't promise that.

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I love it when people post their favorite and least-favorite comic covers, but how many times can you look at Crisis on Infinite Earths number 7? This is one of my fave-raves, House of Mystery number 163:


Is it so awesome because of the word "SOCKAMAGEE" in big block printing? Well, yes, but most of the Dial H for Hero issues of HOM have that.

It's because of this:


Now, that's the kind of "wow, I just crapped my pants" look you'd expect when staring down the business end of insects with stingers the size of whale harpoons. Too often, your standard hero is about to bite the big one, and he looks more annoyed about it than anything else, like this was taking time away from his daily Guitar Hero session. Not Robby Reed. He knows that even losers like Captain Boomerang and the Rocket Racer have successfully committed murder in comics, so he's not relaxing for one second.

It's also awesome because of this frantic caption box that looks hilarious out-of-context:


Yes, this is a totally innocent use of the word "sticky." If there were such a thing as a totally innocent use of the word "sticky." Which there isn't. Sockamagee!

Back by No Demand!

I just couldn't let old Future-Man off the hook just yet:


That seems to happen a lot, especially in comics. If bad guys really want to stay hidden, why do they come up with an alias a 7 year-old could decode? That Selrahc Nosnam guy who just moved in next door sure does know how to throw a party! Hey, wait a minute....


Yes, because when we gain a little weight or our hair thins, men become unrecognizable shells of their former selves. Eeesh.



'Scuze me, but you bought a what from a who? I'll bet the story behind that transaction was more interesting than the story I just read! And mind you, this was before ebay had ever been invented!

The Future's Sorta Bright.....

I have a tremendous brain capable of amazing mental powers.... just as all men will one day!

Every time I hear this, I just can't help but think we are deluding ourselves as a species. I mean, how much have our brains really evolved in the last three thousand years? Not much.

And what are we doing now to further the evolutionary process? Are our brains going to continue to improve with passing generations because we follow American Idol and can play on our X-Boxes for 12 hours without taking a bathroom break? I doubt this very much.

No, let's get real. Instead of enlarged craniums, we're going to have brains the size of chick peas and thumb muscles capable of burrowing through concrete. I have seen the future, Future Man, and I think the only thing you got right is probably the yellow jumpsuit.
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Wow! Slow news day, was it? Big Robbery Two Weeks Ago And We Still Don't Know Anything. And that's front page news!

We Need a Hero.... Pants Optional.

At last! I've hit the bullseye! Now if only I could remember where I left my pants....

What was with comics back in the day? In the 40's and the 50's, there was some odd obsession with exposing the legs of little boys.... and I'm still not convinced he's wearing anything in the groinal naughty region.
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This is why Clark never got any play with the ladies. Guys, if a girl invites you to do something, no matter how dull or lame it sounds, take her up on it. Don't ask any stupid questions, just do it. Otherwise, you'll be "puttering around in your shop" well into your forties....
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Coolest toy ever. How is it that this didn't go over?

2007 End-of-the-Year Craptacular!

Wow, where did 2007 go? As I get older, the years get shorter. But that's okay, because it gives me an excuse to talk about the Year that Was!

Yes, I know I'm a sconce early, but I'm going to be off until Wednesday, so there you go.

Best comic I read in 2007? H-E-R-O:


Yes, I know it wasn't written in 2007, but that's when I read it. I read the series as a whole (about 24 issues or so), and if you haven't read it, you're missing out.

Character I thought I Liked but Discovered in 2007 I Really Don't? The 3-D Man:


I don't know why I thought he was cool when I was twelve. No, that's not true. I liked the freaky costume. But I re-read the Marvel Premiere issues he was in, and almost lost consciousness.

Best New Television Show of 2007? Reaper:


If you read comics but aren't watching Reaper, turn in your Comic Book Nerd Membership Card. A home improvement warehouse employee learns that his parents sold his soul to the Devil as a child, and he's obliged to round up souls that escaped from Hell. How can you not watch that? Brilliant stuff.

Best Comic Book Movie? Spider-Man 3:


Yeah, I know. It was hyped to death, but it delivered the goods. Ghost Rider and Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer weren't bad, either.

Most Unsettling Picture of a Cute Bear About to Blow a Lion's Brains Out? Right 'chere:



Have a safe and happy holiday, everybody!