Peter Parker, Ladies Man...

I was perusing Amazing Spider-Man #234, and guess what?  Pete is getting hit on.  Again.

Again.

You'd think this was pretty old hat for Peter by now, but no.  Recognizing the potential for an acute cootie infection, he does the manly thing and flees:

Really?  Mary Jane? Gwen? Dawn Starr? Betty Brandt?  Debbi Whitman?  Granted, Dawn Starr was a manipulative little opportunist, but it sure seems like Pete's getting hit on every day.  You think he'd be better equipped to handle it by now.

Enough romance.  The big sparkly ball wants revenge.  REVENGE!:

Yeah, that's not very awe-inspiring, is it?  Maybe that's why they gave us the new, literal Tarantula at the end of that ish:

Y'see, the Tarantula agreed to undergo an experimental process to up his powers after getting his clock cleaned, and as we all know in comic books, you should rarely agree to undergo an experimental process.  It ends poorly more often than not.

Now compare that panel to the last panel of the following issue:

It seems to me like we're going for a dramatic cliffhanger that's a little too close in time to the previous dramatic cliffhanger.  It's like that guy who tells a joke and you laugh and then he thinks he's got something so he keeps repeating the punch line at every opportunity and you feel like you have to laugh again.  Or, even worse, the guy that found something you said funny and repeats the punch line and you have to let it go because you're the one who put it out there in the first place.

Yeah, we get it.  Scary, scary.... oooooooooooo

Meh.

See you tomorrow!

In Which the Mystery Villain, Who is the Lightmaster, is Revealed!

So for the first couple of issues, we had a mysterious badguy hiring Vanilla Chicken, then Vanilla Chicken and Tarantula.  Today's comic readers would expect this "mysterious badguy" angle to go on for about another ten issues with a crossover to every other Spider-Man title and a sideplot somewhere in a Marville revival.  

But this was back in the day when comics were meant for younger readers with younger readers' budgets, so less than one American dollar bill got you the wrap-up:

Granted, they kind of let the cat out of the bag a little early, what with putting said badguy on the cover and all.  Still.... less than one American dollar!

I admit, I had to use The Google to remember what Dyna-Mints were.  But then I was awash with memories of Dentyne's (the makers of the gum) version of Tic-Tacs!  They cost about half what Tic-Tacs cost and they had more flavor, so of course they didn't last long.  But they were tasty!

Okay... just in case you managed to get past the cover without a spoiler: The mystery badguy is Lightmaster.

Anyhoo, we know Vanilla Chicken wasn't killed off (though it's a fun thought), so here he is:

Wow... I recognize the element of surprise, but Vanilla Chicken is really pathetic.  I'm thinking he'd lose in a fight with Batroc the Leaper.  Heck, I'm thinking he'd lose in a fight with the Leapfrog.

At the time this story was published, I don't believe it had been established that Green Lantern's ring constructed things out of "hard light."  The original Green Lantern just went from moving stuff around with his ring to actually making solid things without any explanation and we just went along with it because COMICS!

So, since Green Lantern eventually was known as creating "hard light" constructs with his ring, did his creative team borrow this concept from Lightmaster?  The mind boggles!

You know, I've never considered people whose weapons come out of their chest as that dangerous, like the Melter or even Iron Man.  The aiming ability and lack thereof just cuts down on the intimidation factor, know what I mean?

Anyway, Spidey has way too hard of a time putting this guy down:

Okay, really?  Why would you dive at him instead of behind him?  That's right in the path of enemy fire!  Do we find out decades later this Spider-Man is really the clone or something?

True story: That Van Halen song, "Jump," came from a similar situation David Lee Roth observed.

Apropos of nothing, of course, but this wasn't exactly one of Spidey's greatest battles.  On to issue #4!

See you soon!

OOO AH OCK E O EH AH IH I-ER EH!

As I was saying a fond farewell to the Will O' The Wisp / Tarantula three-parter, I felt I had to touch on one thing that really bugged me.  This is from Amazing Spider-Man #235:

That's pretty articulate for a guy with no lips.  I mean, that mouth seems to be no more than a modified "beak" if you will, so how is he able to be understood?  Really, the line should have read "OOO AH OCK E O EH AH IH I-ER EH!"

Or words to that effect.

The next issue had a return of the Stilt Man, who I always kind of enjoyed. I didn't know he actually took on Thor once, but now I simply must track that issue down.

We're heading into the Hobgoblin storyline, but before we do, check this out:

Okay, that's Nate telling everyone what's wrong with the world today as old people are inclined to do without any encouragement from the rest of us.  People spend too much time thinking and not doing.  Got that?  Okay, next issue... 

Now, Nate encourages us to think and dream.  He's pretty inconsistent.  Maybe his remarkable, unexplained weight loss from one issue to the next has made him less grumpy.  

Enough of that.  WHEATCAKES!

Yes, as Pete reflects on his origin for the ba-millionth time, we are at least treated to yet another artist's rendition of Aunt May serving wheatcakes.  WHEATCAKES!

See you tomorrow!

Oh, Eeesh, It's the Freakin' Clone Saga Tuesday!

So, I find myself re-reading Amazing Spider-Man #148 and 149, and it appears that while it was an awesome tale at the time, Adam now has his grievances.  

My first and foremost grievance is right here:

Okay, that was an awesome way to end that particular issue, but it (wait for it) made no sense.  Again, I'm not the most learned Spider-Man fan, but let's think this through.

Let's say I have a "spider-sense" that warns me of danger.  If you're about to dig claws into my head, that's dangerous, regardless of who you are.  I don't care if you're Charles Manson or Beloved, that sort of thing constitutes danger, and Peter's "spider-sense" should have picked up on it.

But let's say for the sake of argument that Peter's "spider-sense" is quite stupid and thinks that some claws in the back of the head are acceptable, provided the person doing it has never been a nemesis of mine up to that  point. 

 I say, up to that point.

Next issue, guess what happened?  This:

Okay, let's review:  Spidey now knows that over the previous two years,  Professor Warren has sent the Punisher, Hammerhead and the Tarantula to kill him, kicked him off  the George Washington Bridge, and broken a table over his head.  Even the most co-dependent person would be reconsidering Professor Warren's "friendship" status at this point.  So even if you give him a pass for the last sneak attack (and you certainly shouldn't, but for the sake of argument...) how did he sneak up on Peter this time? 

Gah!

And the Jackal's origin is stupid:

Anyone here not know the real reason for the Prof's attraction to Gwen Stacy?  Anyone need any help?  I didn't think so.

Whoops!  Murderous flashback!:

All I know is, you better not talk in Professor Warren's class, because he apparently doesn't know how to quiet you without killing you.  Not that old science nerd Anthony didn't deserve to die, because he was indirectly responsible for the creation of.....

Yes, the Spider-Clone.  A plot device wisely left dormant for almost twenty years, until the 1990's gave us the infamous "Clone Saga," a story arc that was universally despised and went on forever. And frankly, I'm not sure I have enough self-loathing to subject myself to it when we get to it.

Then again, I probably will.  I made it through Team America, so I'm something of a badass.

See you tomorrow!  Or will it be my clone?  Hmmmmmmm?

It's Better Reheated Thursday!

D'oh! I was all set to see Dark Knight this weekend, which is in second run at the dollar theater, but it looks like I'll be seeing the third Mummy movie instead. I've heard Mummy wasn't great, but it needs a big screen and Dark Knight will be there a lot longer, methinks. Alas. I must see Dark Knight! I must!

From All-Star Comics #37, the team is splintered yet again:


Um.... Johnny Thunder, are you listening to Wonder Woman? Take it from me, this could be your favorite mission yet if you play your cards right.
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Here's a little something from Batman #127, courtesy of contributor sPat!:


This came about 3 years before Marvel's version, and I don't care how goofy Thor's long blond hair looks to you, it looks ten times better than DC's version. Nice skirt, big guy! Matches the girdle! So slimming and whatnot!

You know, there were a lot of recycled names in comics. Tarantula, Angel, Daredevil and Scarecrow leap to mind as four names that were used by different comic companies without lawsuits flying. Both Marvel and DC still have a Scarecrow character in use, but no one seems to mind.

Many non-comic geeks don't know that even Radioactive Man, Bart's favorite super-hero in The Simpsons was recycled:



Yup. Marvel Comics has had a character since the 60's called the Radioactive Man. He's Chinese, glows green and wears a skirt:


But he's a total bad-ass, taking on Thor and the She-Hulk with more success than most (If you're really tough, you can wear a skirt and no one will say anything). And, although he's never been an A-lister, he was used as a regular member of the Thunderbolts only a few years back.

Does this mean a re-vamp of Kite Man could happen some day? Oh, we can only hope!
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Hey! Hey! It's time for the Costume Hall of Shame!:


Duplicate Boy was a visitor in the Legion of Super-Heroes that, although quite powerful, had no fashion sense. His gimmick was that he could duplicate (duh!) the abilities of anyone he came in contact with. As you can imagine, this made him a difficult character to write (as most omnipotent characters are) and he only showed up here and there. They never bothered, to the best of my knowledge, to change his original costume, which looks more appropriate at a renaissance fair.

See you tomorrow!