DON'T SMOKE THAT CIGAR, SENATOR!

So, I'm finishing up the second issue of Spy Smasher, which gives us the introduction to the villainous "America Smasher."  I guess you're extra sinister when your name is a play off the name of the guy you're fighting.  Anyhoo:

Spy Smasher: Tobacco Stops... with Him.

I was making reference to a recent bout of PSA's that were making the rounds here, and I remembered that most of my dear readers are from all around the globe, so that might not appear to be as funny as it totally is.  I was looking for an example of one of those PSA's (because nothing saves a joke like having to explain it) and came upon something even better:

This is possibly the greatest thing I've ever found on the Internet.

But back to the story.  Here we see that Spy Smasher's cloak is... bulletproof?

Which would be fine, except it totally isn't.  Judging by that angle, he's take a shot to the gut and a shot to the crotch.  The story should really end there.

But it must have some significance, because he takes the time to put the cape back on while he's in the midst of fighting armed Nazis in close quarters.

Later, he meets America Smasher for the final showdown.  Now, I'm not sure what this machine is supposed to be, but note that our hero is facing it:

Oh, and America Smasher has a steel hand or something.  He made a big deal out of it.  I couldn't take him seriously because he looked like "Tattoo" from Fantasy Island:

So every time America Smasher talks in this story, I'm hearing it in Herve Villechaize's voice.  It's going to take more than a steel hand to overcome that one.

Anyway, despite the positioning of everyone, Spy Smasher is now facing away from the crane:

So, did he turn his back on America Smasher?  It seems to me that, as an American, I would be very reluctant to turn my back on someone named "America Smasher."

And how did he get pinched so delicately?  It seems like if it moving quickly enough to grab Spy Smasher, it would have popped him like a zit.  Did he just stand there and wait?  And since this crane doesn't seem to pivot at all, why did he just waltz in front of it knowing that America Smasher had his hands on the device's lever? Should he really be acting so surprised?

I'm probably nitpicking, but it's like they aren't even trying to keep my head from aching.

See you Monday! 

Spider-Man has 99 Problems and the Ladies are 98 of Them!

Dear Ones, we have a holiday on Monday, so there will be no new posts until Tuesday!

Before I get to the point of today's post, I couldn't let this one pass by from Amazing Spider-Man #205:

Now for a little comic relief, these guys bear a deliberate resemblance to Bud Abbott and Lou Costello (making them ineligible for our new Hey... is that?(tm!) feature).

But "Easter eggs" are common in comics, so why would I bother you with this one?

Thusly: 

That, my friends, is a very unfortunate sound effect.  I don't know how long that word has been slang for something else, but it is perhaps one of the most hilarious things I've ever discovered when you consider this is literally a picture of Abbott "fapping" Costello.

Maybe it meant the same thing back then and someone knew exactly what they were doing, but I like to think that isn't the case.

Anyway, not you didn't already get your money's worth with that little exchange, let's take a look at Pete's love life.  In the previous issue, we meet.... I'm sorry, but I refuse to say that stupid name.  Let her introduce herself.

Based on the name and the look on Flash Thompson's face, I justifiably assumed she was an escort.  But no:

Okay, everyone got that?  Next issue:

Way to stick to your guns there, Pete!  

But, as is often the case when we do something we shouldn't, things don't go well:

SLAP HER! SLAP HER!

"In Iran, they execute people for thinking about what you'd like to do to her?"

Hmmmmm.... considering you're a male and she's a female, I think Shirin Ebadi might disagree with your interpretation of the Judicial System of Iran.  Then again, this comic was dated 1980, so it was hot on the heels of the 1979 overthrow of the Pahlavi Dynasty, so Pete's information might have been a bit dated.

Eisner Award Committee, please take note that I educate as well as entertain.

Before we break for today, let me put a bug in your ear because I'm going to bring this up later:

Okay, got that?  The Black Cat thinks she's in love with Spidey, but it's really some mis-placed daddy issues.  So, Pete does the ethical thing.  This time.  I guess that's to make up with the career-killer decision he almost made to date a student. 

Okay, so it would be wrong for Pete to take advantage of Felicia's issues, right?  Everyone got that?  Good, because as we progress in Amazing, I believe we're going to discover that Pete waits until Felicia gets just enough help to take the edge off before he reverses his position and enters into a romantic relationship with her.  Just like he did with Dawn Starr.  

Ick... just writing that stupid name dropped my IQ ten points, and it's not like I've got a lot to spare.

See you Tuesday!

Because Not EVERY Hero Has a Computer in a Cave to Keep a Database of Villains, That's Why!

So I'm not the only person who falls for the "Aunt May is dead" feint... at least in comic book lore.

No, Peter takes it hard, to the point that he's paid a visit by Disembodied Floating Heads (tm!) !

You know, by today's standards, that's really not a bad track record.  The Punisher loses that many loved ones on a daily basis before he's had breakfast.

Anyway, Pete is so upset that here in Amazing Spider-Man # 196, that one of them even starts talking to him:

What's it gotten YOU?  Geez, Nephew... I'M the one who died!  I'm so sorry that my death has been such a downer FOR YOU.

Hey!  Here's a Questionable Strategic Decision! (tm!)

I have this power that enables me to sense when I'm in danger... I think I'll IGNORE it!

A few pages late, Pete has one of those "d'oh!" moments: 

I realize that Aunt May's death gave rise to quite the bout of self-pity, but if Pete can't recognize his old foes... who even have the courtesy to use an alias they've used BEFORE.... well, that's pretty sad.

Who is Dr. Rinehart, friends and neighbors?  What does Dr. Rinehart DO in his true identity as one of Spidey's rogues?  How many of us still think Aunt May is dead?

Quite the cliffhanger, eh?

See you tomorrow!