Everything was Quiet... If You Could Ignore the Death Gurgle of a Thousand Nazis!

I learned something today.  The "Gettin' Enough" video I liked so much that I reposted it last week?  Turns out it was actually a spoof of 80's teen sex PSA's.  Silly me.  It just goes to show that when you do too good of a job spoofing something, you actually just end up recreating it.

Although that's good news because it means I can listen to the song without people thinking I'm a pervert.  Not that people don't think there's something wrong with me, I'm sure they do.  It just gives them one less thing upon which to hang their proverbial hat.

For example, I'm about to talk about the first "Sergeant Boyle" series, and it may appear that I don't think it's  the greatest comic ever.  And I totally do. 

Get that?  He's an American that joined the British Expeditionary Forces.  Now, you may wonder why, but remember that this comic was the January, 1940 issue.  So, it came out at least a year before the United States was engaging in any hostilities with the Axis, much less the formal declaration of war on December 8th, 1941.

See?  See?  You'll learn stuff here.  Not a lot that will help you get through life or anything, but you'll pick up a thing or two.

Sing it with me!

Dang straight.

Anyway, back to Sergeant Boyle.  Here he is shooting a Nazi with one hand while tossing two rifles at once as if they were spears:

Keep in mind there's no "Super Soldier Formula" or anything like that here.  This guy is just your average American.

.... if by "Average American," you mean "Average American Ass-Kicking Machine!"

Dodge a machine gun at point blank range?  No problem!

Okay, I'm not at all sure shooting another gun's bullets creates and explosion like that.

Eh, who cares?  There's no bad way to take out a Nazi!

Uh-oh... a coded message:

Didn't the Nazis have this whole Enigma machine thing going on?  If this is a product of its work, I'm not surprised the Allies were able to crack it.  By jove, old chaps!  I was flummoxed by this kibbles and bits until I read it while I was shaving!

Okay, that wasn't even close to a good imitation of a Brit.  My apologies to my friends across the pond.

What do you mean, Sgt. Boyle?  What about the...?

Oh.

OH!

I see what you're doing there.  You're being all modest like it's all in a day's work or something!  You sly fox!

Surprisingly, this feature would go on for thirty-nine issues of Pep Comics.  You'd think that so much badassery would be considered far too much for the comics-reading public to handle, but there you go.

Between Sergeant Boyle, the Shield and the Comet, Pep was a pretty violent title.  I'm kinda surprised Archie and Jughead get their introductions here.  Maybe Archie and Jughead were originally government assassins or something.  I'll let you know when I get there.

See you Monday!

I Learned it by Watching YOU! Tuesday!

Know what I just finished reading?  Shut Up and Give Me the Mic by Dee Snider of "Twisted Sister" infamy.  I was never much of a fan, but the book is actually a great account of a world-famous rock star who would be destitute two years after his biggest successes.

And although Snider swears up and down he wasn't much for the drinking or the drugging, I thought it would be a good time to devote an entire day (courtesy of All-Flash Quarterly #4) to Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!) ... Recreational Pharmaceuticals Edition!:

And before you even ask... he wasn't.

Peer pressure is a terrible thing.  Just say NO, Jay!

That's right, kids!  Just run away from creepy old people and their pills and whatnot!

Yeah, that's a little out of place in the story, but I like the sound effects!  YEE-EEE! EEEEEEEEHHHH! YOOOOOOWWWW!

Careful, Jay... that's how it starts!

Daddy does like his pills.  I kind of admire his passion.

And now the daughter is on board.  Did we learn nothing from this?:

The classics never die.

See you tomorrow!

I WILL TAKE OVER THE WORLD WITH THE AWESOME POWER OF HORSE LEGS! Thursday!

More of the Adam Addams story from All-Flash Quarterly #3, which gives us a bonus episode of "People Too Stupid to Live" at no extra charge, because comics gave you a lot for your dime back in the day:

The experiment YOU were working on?  Remember that one?  The one that created the Flash?  That one that YOU were working on all by yourself?  Do you ever wonder who the Flash is, because I have no idea!

And Jay doesn't help his own cause there....

That is a seriously stupid scientist.  I can't believe they let him near chemicals, to be honest with you.

Anyway, Adam Addams is further proving his awesomeness by creating Centaurs....

.... which would be plenty cool by itself, but you know what would be dang awesome?  Centaurs parachuting.

YEAH, baby!  They don't call it "The Golden Age of Comics" for nuttin'!

The Flash quickly defeats the Centaurs because, awesome though they may be, they're still just guys with horse's legs.  But what to do with them once you've caught them?

Hmmm... good point, officer.  Can I borrow your revolver and directions to the nearest pasture?

And now... for the first time since our re-boot a CMNS MOMENT OF COMIC BOOK GREATNESS! (tm!):

This has been a CMNS MOMENT OF COMIC BOOK GREATNESS! (tm!)

See you tomorrow!