Strudel Crumbs, My Boy... STRUDEL CRUMBS!

So, having really enjoyed the first story as I discussed yesterday, I continue my look at Spy Smasher #10.  And I remind myself once again why I am able to do this blog.

'frinstance:

Not quite the same as trying to kill Hitler, but maybe if...

Okay, that's not what really happened. But isn't it awesome that one can Google "Japanese Beatles" and come up with a photo?

And issue 10 limps to a close, going from a thought-provoking tale of killing a mass-murderer to:

... a man who loves strudel to a fault.

Blarg.  Let's finish today with some Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!)  from America's Best Comics #13!:

The Black Terror was very aggressive when it came to soliciting...

See you tomorrow!

In Which Adam is Pleasantly Surprised by Accidentally Discovering Something Thought-Provoking

Because I'm all heart, I'm the first to say when those who create our treasured comics do something amazing.  It's the least I could do, as I'm always waiting in the wings to poke fun when they don't quite hit it out of the park.

Such is the case with Spy Smasher #10:

In the lead story, he decides to head straight over to Germany and do the world a favor and take Hitler out once and for all:

This was not some dream or imaginary story, as was often done when other comic characters were depicted smacking Hitler on behalf of several grateful nations.   It's also worth noting that comic book characters were often written out of getting involved directly with the battles on the front lines.  Heck, the Golden Age Green Lantern was only in the military for about half a dozen issues or so before he was honorably discharged.  So, it's kind of refreshing to see a writer unafraid to go for broke on this very volatile topic.

And not only did Smash go to Germany, he...

well, he did this:

That, my friends, is dang impressive.

And Smash gets caught right away, but he has the same reaction anyone would have had at the time:

But, as awesome as comics are, you can't rewrite current events:

Yeah, I know.  We knew something like that was coming, but it's still a bringdown.

Here's where it gets really interesting in a What If Spy Smasher (or Anyone Else) Killed Hitler? sense..

I admit, I had never thought of that possibility.  Then again, remember what got the United States into the war?  This wouldn't be much different in terms of giving people a cause than Pearl Harbor.

So, Smash learned something and, seventy years later, gave me something to think about:

Yup.  Smash thought it was best for Hitler to stay alive until Germany fell... keeping him alive and wearing down Germany made more sense in the long run than the immediate gratification of seeing Hitler get a fraction of what he deserved.

And that, my friends, makes this issue a CMNS Buried Treasure! (tm!)

It's Boo'ful, Mommy!

Let's ease ourselves into the weekend with a little silliness from Spy Smasher #9:

Spy Smasher's medical career was cut short due to his unyielding insistence on treating injuries with more severe injuries...

A little slice of Heaven from Golden Age Green Lantern #8:

Another satisfied Zillow.com customer...

Hey!  It's another ad from Phantom Lady #23!

Biggest variety of uses of anything I've ever owned?  That's a pretty bold claim.  I have a jug of vinegar that has a lot of uses.  Don't believe me?  'Chere.

I'm pretty sure they had umbrellas back then.  I'm not even going to Google it.  That's how certain I am.

Well, okay.... it keeps the rain off.  What other variety of uses does it have?

Okay, sitting in a canoe covered by this thing really isn't a different use of the product.  I don't know what you're trying to pull here.  And I'm sure the guy rowing in the rain appreciates how much fun your inconsiderate self is having.

Would it give you one less thing to complain about, Eunice?  Because if so, it's a bargain at twice the price!

I don't know about this particular claim.  If those are regular adult hands, you'd have to have a really deep pocket.

That made me think of when I was a tyke and my elementary school had an annual carnival.  I spent all my tickets at the "general store" buying comic books that people had donated.  Anyway, there was always a grown up they dressed in a clown costume with these really huge pants pockets and called him "Pockets the Clown" or something like that.  The gist was, you gave him a ticket (tickets cost a dime, I think) and you'd reach in his pocket and pull out some cheap plastic trinket or toy.

Just in case you missed it: Children were reaching in the pants pocket of a full grown man and paying him for the privilege.

No arrests were made of which I'm aware, but I would be floored if that sort of thing took place in this day and age.  Ah, the innocence of youth.

See you Monday! 

Spider Woman, Spider Woman, Does Really Nothing at All a Spider Can...

So I'm flipping through some stuff and I come upon Major Victory Comics v1, #1.  It has a few reprints in it and a few new features.  My fave is this one:

Near as I can tell, the deal is that she lived on her late father's farmhouse toting around a butterfly net:

And when bank robbers show up at said farmhouse to use it as a hideout, she happens to have this whole getup laying around and ready to go:

Yes, this is basically the Golden Age version of Home Alone:

That's pretty much it.  She scares people with this costume.

Although it does lend itself to some unintentionally-amusing moments when she talks:

I don't know how many installments there were of this feature.  I can only state with certainty that there were not nearly enough installments of this feature.

Here's an ad from America's Best Comics #18 that seems just a little out of place:

Guys, here's a helpful tip from a guy who has been around a while: Don't tell your proposed fiance you bought her wedding ring out of a comic book ad.  Just don't.

You know that "It's a trap!" Star Wars meme that's flying around?  Here's one for us non-sci-fi nerdlingers, courtesy of Spy Smasher #6:

That's right... anything sci-fi does, comics do better.

See you tomorrow!

What a Shame to Dismember a Thin Person, But if I Must...

The time has come to check out a CMNS Moment of Comic Book Greatness (tm!), courtesy of Spy Smasher #3.  For you historians, this is the first issue of his own title where he switched his costume from brown to green, which wasn't nearly as practical but looked a lot better nonetheless:

"So," you're thinking, "is Adam just being silly?  What's great about that?"

Well, it was the set-up for THIS:

YEAH!  Apparently, Alan Armstrong was on the Exxon Valdez.

This has been a CMNS Moment of Comic Book Greatness! (tm!)

Meanwhile, I'm noticing a theme here:

It's a shame to kill her because she's thin?  So, if she wasn't a size 2, you'd be okay with it?

Apparently, fat-bashing has been around a looooong time.

Bah.  Let's get another CMNS Moment of Comic Book Greatness! (tm!), courtesy of All-Flash #30:

Best. Death Scene. EVER.

See you Monday!

Tell It To Your Gran'Ma, Baby Face!

Ok, I only thought I was finished with Spy Smasher #2.  Turns out I wasn't.

The Eye commands that you slay him!  And the Nose commands that you bring me back some danish!

This guy only had one eye and he killed people somehow with it.  It was never really explained how that happened.  I don't know if he made people so uncomfortable with the staring that they killed themselves, or what.

Anyway.  Random Sucker Punch! (tm!):

Dang straight, you'll do nothing!

Hey, it's time for yet another new CMNS meme!  I call this one Everyone Should Start Saying That on a Regular Basis! (tm!)

Yeah!  Everyone Should Start Saying That on a Regular Basis! (tm!)

It's right up there with, "Satisfied, Crime Pooper?", which hasn't taken off yet but it totally will someday.

See you tomorrow!

DON'T SMOKE THAT CIGAR, SENATOR!

So, I'm finishing up the second issue of Spy Smasher, which gives us the introduction to the villainous "America Smasher."  I guess you're extra sinister when your name is a play off the name of the guy you're fighting.  Anyhoo:

Spy Smasher: Tobacco Stops... with Him.

I was making reference to a recent bout of PSA's that were making the rounds here, and I remembered that most of my dear readers are from all around the globe, so that might not appear to be as funny as it totally is.  I was looking for an example of one of those PSA's (because nothing saves a joke like having to explain it) and came upon something even better:

This is possibly the greatest thing I've ever found on the Internet.

But back to the story.  Here we see that Spy Smasher's cloak is... bulletproof?

Which would be fine, except it totally isn't.  Judging by that angle, he's take a shot to the gut and a shot to the crotch.  The story should really end there.

But it must have some significance, because he takes the time to put the cape back on while he's in the midst of fighting armed Nazis in close quarters.

Later, he meets America Smasher for the final showdown.  Now, I'm not sure what this machine is supposed to be, but note that our hero is facing it:

Oh, and America Smasher has a steel hand or something.  He made a big deal out of it.  I couldn't take him seriously because he looked like "Tattoo" from Fantasy Island:

So every time America Smasher talks in this story, I'm hearing it in Herve Villechaize's voice.  It's going to take more than a steel hand to overcome that one.

Anyway, despite the positioning of everyone, Spy Smasher is now facing away from the crane:

So, did he turn his back on America Smasher?  It seems to me that, as an American, I would be very reluctant to turn my back on someone named "America Smasher."

And how did he get pinched so delicately?  It seems like if it moving quickly enough to grab Spy Smasher, it would have popped him like a zit.  Did he just stand there and wait?  And since this crane doesn't seem to pivot at all, why did he just waltz in front of it knowing that America Smasher had his hands on the device's lever? Should he really be acting so surprised?

I'm probably nitpicking, but it's like they aren't even trying to keep my head from aching.

See you Monday! 

The Three Robots Have COMBINED! Which Is Actually Easier than Fighting Three Separate Robots!

Aaaaaaand here's a little something from Amazing Spider-Man #372:

Combining individual robots is absolutely nothing new, but they rarely look like three creatures having a threesome.  We've all seen enough Discovery Channel to know that it looks like they're doing it.  I'm not saying I could do any better, but there had to be another way to get that accomplished.

I literally found this clip in less than a minute when I entered a "robots combining" search on Youtube:

Granted, that also seemed a little spicy at times.  Maybe I'm past the point in life where I can look through innocent eyes at robots merging.

Oh, well.  On to Spy Smasher #3, where I saw this guarantee for Captain Marvel #4:

And that was when a comic cost you one thin dime.  These days, three bucks rarely gets me either of these things, let alone both.

Anywho, the Spy Smasher takes on a character called the Red Death, who is suspiciously similar to the Red Skull.   I mean, he has a skull for a head and uses dust to kill people.  That's pretty much the Skull.

Anyway, he gives us today's Well.... Touche! (tm!) moment:

Red Death's response?

Thusly:

Not that I'm above it, but I did not run these panels out of sequence.  That's it right there:  Spy Smasher vows to stop him, and the Red Death goes on about his business without a second thought, doing everything short of give Spy Smasher a skeletal third finger salute.  DISSED!, as you kids say.

Well.... Touche! (tm!)

See you tomorrow!

Egad! A Burglar! And I'm Fresh Out of Scones!

Sorry I missed Friday's post, folks.  Things have been very busy work-wise.  If I can get through this week, I hope to turn a corner and get everything back to normal.

But enough of that.  Did you know that Spy Smasher was a very popular comic book character once upon a time?  "No," you might say, "I don't believe you.  You're a dirty liar!  Why must you lie!??"

But it's true.  Spy Smasher was so popular in Captain Marvel's Whiz Comics that he got his own spin-off book.  And like the good Captain, who is in every way better than Superham, Spy Smasher got some live-action adaptation.  Thusly:

So, I'm taking a look at Spy Smasher #1.  It's public domain, so you can read it for yourself if you like. I don't particularly recommend it, but there you have it.

So, anyway, I'd like to officially announce a new CMNS meme I like to call

...And There It Is. (tm!)

Okay, he's in his own apartment.  Got that?

Egad!  There's an intruder in your apartment!  What do you do?

Why, you engage in proper social graces, of course:

Really?  You're the victim of a home invasion and this is your response?

Oh, I see.  So if it's a hot chick, we overlook that whole "felony" thing.  Probably not too smart, because if she broke into your own home to confront you, she's probably gonna...

...And There It Is. (tm!)

Meanwhile, our hero saves the President of the United States from harm:

At least, we think so.  I mean, it's just the guy's hand.  Anyway, the President poses the inevitable question:

Which once again brings me to the whole lackluster disguise issue.  I suppose his disguise is better than the Phantom Lady's, but seriously.  Look at this:

You can see his entire face.  I mean, that's Golden Age Starman level of ineffective identity concealment.  And unlike Starman, he's got these goggles that might provide some level of disguise, but he's too lazy to pull them down.  It's amazing to me how many Golden Age heroes waltzed around without any face coverage whatsoever.

But you know what Spy Smasher couldn't do?  Fly.

What?

Okay, first.... it's spelled "grammar."  Heal thyself.

Secondly, SPY SMASHER CAN'T FLY!  WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?

Now my head hurts.  

Anyway, I can't promise the frequency of posts this week, folks.  Work is just going to be rough.  Please think good thoughts, and I'll update when I can.

See you soon!