DON'T SMOKE THAT CIGAR, SENATOR!

So, I'm finishing up the second issue of Spy Smasher, which gives us the introduction to the villainous "America Smasher."  I guess you're extra sinister when your name is a play off the name of the guy you're fighting.  Anyhoo:

Spy Smasher: Tobacco Stops... with Him.

I was making reference to a recent bout of PSA's that were making the rounds here, and I remembered that most of my dear readers are from all around the globe, so that might not appear to be as funny as it totally is.  I was looking for an example of one of those PSA's (because nothing saves a joke like having to explain it) and came upon something even better:

This is possibly the greatest thing I've ever found on the Internet.

But back to the story.  Here we see that Spy Smasher's cloak is... bulletproof?

Which would be fine, except it totally isn't.  Judging by that angle, he's take a shot to the gut and a shot to the crotch.  The story should really end there.

But it must have some significance, because he takes the time to put the cape back on while he's in the midst of fighting armed Nazis in close quarters.

Later, he meets America Smasher for the final showdown.  Now, I'm not sure what this machine is supposed to be, but note that our hero is facing it:

Oh, and America Smasher has a steel hand or something.  He made a big deal out of it.  I couldn't take him seriously because he looked like "Tattoo" from Fantasy Island:

So every time America Smasher talks in this story, I'm hearing it in Herve Villechaize's voice.  It's going to take more than a steel hand to overcome that one.

Anyway, despite the positioning of everyone, Spy Smasher is now facing away from the crane:

So, did he turn his back on America Smasher?  It seems to me that, as an American, I would be very reluctant to turn my back on someone named "America Smasher."

And how did he get pinched so delicately?  It seems like if it moving quickly enough to grab Spy Smasher, it would have popped him like a zit.  Did he just stand there and wait?  And since this crane doesn't seem to pivot at all, why did he just waltz in front of it knowing that America Smasher had his hands on the device's lever? Should he really be acting so surprised?

I'm probably nitpicking, but it's like they aren't even trying to keep my head from aching.

See you Monday! 

In Which I Veer Into Waters Uncomfortable for Everyone Including Myself

A new feature that Google put on in my absence is the ability for me to check out the stats on my page.  It doesn't tell me anything personal, but it gives me an idea of whether or not folks have rediscovered the magic of our little comic book funhouse.  I was especially wondering since you folks are so dang quiet in the comments.

Well, lo and behold, traffic is dang near back to where we were in our heyday.  So, even though you are a crowd of few words, I appreciate the hundreds of eyeballs that have put me back into your rotation.  It's amazing, and very gratifying.  So a big "thank you" to everyone for coming back after my lengthy hiatus.

So how can I thank you?  By reading All-Flash Quarterly #5, so you don't have to!  And it's a surreal one, to be sure.  For example, it has talking horses:

And seriously, I know you kids don't believe this, but we comic book nerdlingers were tormented  back in the day for reading comics because folks thought they were for people to stupid to read "real" books.  I cannot imagine the grief that would have been heaped upon me by my cruel peers had the talking horses come to light.  I mean, Gardner Fox is awesome.  He gives us goofiness of Billy Haney-esque proportions, but this is just an invitation to a beating for your loyal readers.

A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FROM CMNS:  Know what the most dangerous room in the house is?  The bathroom?  The kitchen?  I would have thought so, but apparently not.  It's the darkroom.  It's a place where people used to develop photographs back in the time of the Spanish Revolution or something, and it appears it was very dangerous:

A DISCLAIMER FROM CMNS REGARDING THE PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Hmmmmm...  I've got a good willing suspension of disbelief, but I Googled "has anyone ever died in a darkroom" and it goose-egged.  I presume there was going to be some kind of follow-through.  So, never mind.  You probably don't have a darkroom in your house anyway.  I guess this was the worst PSA ever.

No, wait... HERE'S the worst PSA ever:

Apparently, in the 1950's, the difference between being a homosexual and being a pedophile was a moot distinction.  "Dangerous as smallpox," it was!

Actually, before I was distracted by The Adventures of Lazy "Walkin' is for Chumps" Jimmy and His New Best Friend Creepy  Ralph , I was looking for this:

What do you think?  Eh?  Eh?

Hello?

Anyone there?

Okay, back to comics.  

The Flash is not fooled by your paltry attempts at Photoshopping, 1940's photographers!

and... AND 

That's right, Jay!  Any photographer knows that purple grass is a cool dusky... color.

Too much detail.  Egad, we've gone from talking horses to a photography seminar. 

Enough of that.  Remember yesterday when I talked about "electric baseball"?  Well....

They were actually pretty close in their artist's rendition!  Cool, huh?

This was developed by Jim Prentice, who filed a patent on Electric Baseball in 1927, when he was a mere 17 years old.  This particular version was produced from 1938 to 1941.  All-Flash Quarterly #4 came about in 1942, so the seed company probably bought out his leftovers for a song. 

To be fair, though, I doubt the profit margin on seeds really justifies giving out top tier merchandise as premiums to your sales force.  I'm just guessing, of course.  I've never been in the seed industry.  I probably shouldn't assume, but it seems reasonable. 

See?  I'm all about the infotainment here.

See you Monday!

NOT a Dream! NOT a Hoax! NOT an Imaginary Story Tuesday!

Dear Ones, 

I'm going to cut to the punch-line and tell you that I will be retiring Comics Make No Sense when we hit our five year anniversary this November.  I'm not saying it for drama's sake, but out of appreciation to you.   I wanted to give everyone a chance to get used to the idea, enjoy one last round, have a last dance, and say a proper farewell.

Why?  Well, the short answer is that when you reach the top of a mountain and you see another mountain that's even taller, sooner or later you're going to want to test yourself again.  There are many other things I want to write.  If I don't feel passionate about something, I don't think I have any business doing it.  While CMNS has been my most successful writing project, I also feel like I have taken it as far as it can go.  I have comics and books and such I want to write, and I feel compelled to give that a shot.

So, by making the announcement now, I have a chance for all of us, myself included, to get used to the idea.  And knowing that there is a definite end in sight gives me a motivation to end on a strong note.  So we're going to be talking about Superman in the coming months.  A lot.

So, between now and November, let's have some laughs and say good-bye with a smile on our faces okay?

Man, did you catch that last line?  See, back in the day, Superman wasn't afraid to murder a thief.  That is a Superman I probably wouldn't make fun of so much.

Because, frankly, I'd be afraid to do so.

Hey!  It's time for some Fun with Out of Context Dialogue! (tm!)

Ah, to be young again.

Here's a bit of fun from Robert Gilles!

Those are some great tips, Doc.  But where did you come from?  I mean, we were just playing and then my pal gets hurt and you come running up like you were following us around or something.

Although these days, I'd put up with a pervert if he made house calls and didn't charge me half a grand for me to walk in the door of his office.

Another one from Robert.  From the Golden Age, where women were women, and men were pigs:

That. Is. Hilarious.  Wow.  The stuff you could just come right out and say back in our grandparents' day.  Awesome stuff there, Robert!

All right, everyone!  Chins up!  It's hard to say good-bye, but we're going to give ourselves a good send-off!

I'll see you tomorrow!