Every District Attorney is One Lost Case Away from Villainy!

I have to admit I've been a little disappointed in All-Flash Quarterly.  Sure, there have been some bright spots, but for every Roy Revenge there has been a slew of generic gangster bad guys that painfully proved to me once again that a hero is only as interesting as the villains he fights.  Which is why Batman is so awesome and Superman is so lame. 

But every so often, just when I'm about to dutifully go through an issue of All-Flash Quarterly with zero expectations, I'm given issue #12.

HUNK NORVOCK!  That is the greatest name ever.

And this is the worst district attorney ever:

Wow.  Way to fold up your tent there, Clifford.  It's one thing to see that your case is in trouble, but it's a whole 'nuther thing to waive a white flag once you're in trial.  Clifford lost some serious cred there with the public who holds an election every four years to determine whether or not Clifford will still be doing that job.  Thusly:

I don't know why Clifford is looking all resentful.  The man did everything short of wet his pants and lay in the fetal position in the middle of the courtroom.  Did he expect anything else?

But then Clifford goes completely off the rails and decides that not only is being a prosecutor not his bag, but he's now going to resort to a life of crime.  Of course, he could always just do something else in the legal profession, go back to school and enter a different profession... there are many attractive options out there.  But not Clifford.

Clifford likes him some whiskey and rye, it appears.

So, I'm singin' "Bye, bye, Mr. Prosecutor Guy,

In a hurry, told the jury

Norvack's witness wouldn't lie

And now your career has taken a dive

I guess now you'll lead a life of criiiiiiiime

Soon as you finish your whiskey and ryeeeeeeee"

It took me a few minutes to come up with something that would fit into the chorus of "American Pie" like that.  If Clifford had put that kind of effort into preparing his case, he wouldn't be staring resentfully into his shot glass like that.

See you tomorrow!

Inspector Butts? I Hardly Even Know Them! Monday!

And now, courtesy of All-Select Comics #10:


We're starting a Character Name Hall of Fame, because any character named "Inspector Butts" deserves no less.

I try not to be too critical of Golden Age comics, because I certainly couldn't draw any better and comics were still a relatively new medium, but really:


The Sub-Mariner has developed a head shaped like a Nacho Cheese Dorito. It hasn't always been that way.

Hey, here's a buck to be made!:


I've never heard the words "valuable" and "plastic" used in the same sentence. No wonder they were advertising in comic books and not, say, Popular Mechanics or Scientific American.

And, lest I forget, today's post is in tribute to my dog, Molly, who had to be put to sleep on Saturday. Molly was a Jack Russell/Chihuahua mix that I found in the parking lot at work about 5 years ago. She had heartworms and was very old at the time, but we got those fixed and she lived a good amount of time with us before senility set in and rather than have her continue a life of confusion and fear, we decided to let her go. I hope she forgives us and understands why we had to do it, and we look forward to seeing her, and all of my pets, again someday. Always the wanderer, she is now free to explore Heaven to her heart's content. So long, girl.... you'll be missed.

See you tomorrow!